


Strings

by BerryChwan



Series: Moonlight [1]
Category: Justice League - All Media Types, The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Awkward First Times, Chess, Duet, F/F, F/M, Family Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gangs, Ghana, High School, I keep wanting to edit it, I'm Bad At Tagging, Joe West is in constant denial, Joe is so far into the closet he might as well be in Narnia, M/M, Multiple Crossovers, OR IS IT, Or not, Physics, Poor Gordon, Singing, Slow Build, Stein is a cinnamon roll, While Iris is the daughter Joe needs, a lot DC characters make cameos, and summaries, at some point it will become 'spot that character', dads, drink responsively, my oblivious babies, ok not just DC, some sexual content, that's the last time i edit the summary I swear, this wasn't supposed to be this long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2018-12-02 16:33:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 74,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11513202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BerryChwan/pseuds/BerryChwan
Summary: The story was about a little boy, who looked just like him. Big brown eyes, chocolate skin, and wide beautiful smile. This boy went around picking up little strings for his collection. Some of the strings were too short, others too long, and others had thorns on them and hurt him. But the boy wanted to create the longest string ever to reach the moon. He would tie the strings together, then throw it up, up at the sky, and catch the moon. He wanted the moon, because he felt like if he could touch the moon, he could also glow like it. And the boy really wanted to glow.**The story mostly focuses on Joe West, and Iris and is heavily inspired by "Duet" the seventeenth episode of the third season of The Flash.





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moon is friend for the lonesome to talk to.― Carl Sandburg

For the first five years of his life, he was happy. He had a normal childhood; a loving father and a busy but equally loving mother. And although he would get lonely from time to time, wishing for a brother or sister, he was generally a joyful child. He was a treasure, as his mother called him, pinching his cheeks before heading out to her night classes.  


He grew up on stories of heroes and villains, because his father loved telling him stories before bedtime. He wasn’t sure if they were made-up or from real books, but he didn’t particularly care. His favorite story was about a boy and his strings. Whenever his father picked up that he was feeling particularly sad or scared, he would sit on his bed, with a smile and tell him the story of a boy and his strings.  


The story was about a little boy, who looked just like him. Big brown eyes, chocolate skin, and wide beautiful smile. This boy went around picking up little strings for his collection. Some of the strings were too short, others too long, and others had thorns on them and hurt him. But the boy wanted to create the longest string ever to reach the moon. His plan was to tie the strings together, then throw it up, up at the sky, and catch the moon. The young boy wanted the moon, because he felt like if he could touch the moon, he could also glow like it. And boy really wanted to glow. One day, this little boy found a special string, a string that was so bright and perfect that he lost interest in the moon.  


“A happily ever after string,” his father whispered to his son, repeating the story for the millionth time. He leaned in dramatically, a mischievous glint in his eyes and repeated the words that he knew his son loved hearing, “and one day, you will also find that string, so special that it will make you brighter than the moon.”  


The boy believed him.  


When he was eight years old, his father tucked him into bed with a quick kiss on his forehead, and told him that he would be in big trouble if he was caught watching television, when he came back from picking up his mother her night classes.  


After his father had left, he snuck out of bed and turned on the television. He didn't like being in the house alone, and the television calmed him. Every car that turned into the street startled him afraid that it was his parents. He watched Tom and Jerry reruns for an hour before falling asleep in the living, head tucked in between his arms, and curled in a fetal position on the couch waiting for his parents. But they never came back. The only person who came back was a big bald black man wearing a blue uniform. He crouched down, removing his police hat, and told him that his parents had gotten into a terrible accident.  


It was very lonely after that,and of all the things he missed, it was his father's stories that he ached for the most.   


After running away from his fourth foster home, the boy realized then how terrifying the world could be.  


Years later, as a twelve year old living on the streets, the boy no longer searched for the stupid string. He concluded that it was probably one of those things parents told their children to make them smile, and be a little less scared of the world.


	2. First String

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep Spring from coming.”-Pablo Neruda

He shivered against the cold, trying to rub off the goose bumps that were now scattered all over his body. He succeeded in only making himself dirtier. He couldn’t remember the last time he had showered. Not that it mattered.  


It was a busy street, he was sitting in his favorite corner, right next to Jay’s Bakery. He liked the aroma of fresh bread as it wafted out the window. Sometimes when he had enough money, he would buy himself one of Jay’s famous bread. It usually meant that he left the bakery without a cent on him but it was always worth it. Unfortunately, he hadn’t been able to get any money for the past few days. But he still sat outside the bakery. It was torture, smelling something so delicious on an empty stomach, but it smelled so wonderful and familiar, and he could just picture himself biting into the bread.  


Another young kid, a little younger than him, ran out of the bakery holding a brown package. He slowed down when he reached him. He came to a stop and stood in front of him. The boy didn’t try to look up at the kid. But he saw that the kid wore torn shoes, his big toe poking out cheerfully. The kid didn’t smell bad, like most other kids on the street, in fact, he smelled of fresh bread. The boy had the urge to look up, but he was too weak to lift his head. His stomach grumbled angrily, and he winced. Suddenly the boy felt something balancing on his head. Anxiously, he grabbed at the object on his head and felt something soft. Sometimes people did mean things, like leave garbage bags on top of his head. Warily he brought the object down to his bowed face, the smell of bread getting suspiciously stronger.  


He gaped at the soft object. It was bread from Jay’s bakery. And not just any bread-the famous orange bread that was shaped like lightning bolt. Jay’s famous ‘flash bread.’ He had never held one before. He summoned strength to look up at the kid, but the kid with the torn shoes had already ran off. He thought he saw a glimpse of snow.  


He wanted to shout a thank you, but instead he smiled down at his bread and bit into it, his stomach growling in content. He chewed slowly, savoring the taste and almost started crying. He sniffed, and he leaned against the wall, chewing contently. The cold wind slapped his face, but he didn’t care.  


Once he finished the bread, he kept his eyes closed, pretending he was still chewing.  


Finally he opened his eyes and in front of him stood a man wearing a black felt fedora, black suspenders on top of a white shirt and light blue jeans, he had a leather jacket casually draped on his shoulder. Behind the man stood two burly men wearing dark leather jackets, glaring at the young boy below them suspiciously.  


The man with the fedora blew out smoke from his mouth, his mouth twitching into a small cold smile. He looked like he had just stepped out of the 1940s gang movie. He gave the young boy a nod, and walked away, his men following right behind him.  


The young boy watched on desperately, confused by how hopeful he had just gotten. He almost felt like he had caught a string of hope? He nearly laughed at how stupid the thoughts in his head sounded. He looked on as the big man with the fedora kept walking away, fading away. Then the boy closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall.  


Suddenly he heard a gruff hard voice calling out, “You. Come with me.”  


The boy’s eyes flew open and he instinctively knew that the voice was addressing him. He glanced over to the fedora man. He stood there, with hands in his pocket, looking impatient. The boy knew who he was immediately. A tall well-built man, with thick jet black hair and wearing a fedora.  


Merlyn Maron. People sometimes called him the Cutter because of the scar that stretched from his cheek down to his neck. He was one of the town’s biggest gang bosses. He had a reputation of being ruthless when provoked.  


The young boy stood up on shaky legs, his stomach rumbled angrily. He stumbled towards the man, feeling a surprising calmness wash over him.   


Merlyn regarded the boy, not unkindly, and wrinkled his nose, “when was the last time you showered?” He didn’t wait for the boy to answer and instead started walking again, his two men falling in step. The young boy followed as well. He watched in awe as people parted around Merlyn. He kept following Merlyn, quietly, trying not to breathe too loudly. Trying to protect the moment. It didn’t feel real.  


“So what’s your name then boy?”  


The young boy felt his lips tremble, his voice cracking with emotion, it had been a while since someone had wanted to know who he was. He almost couldn’t say it.  


“Digsy Foss.”  


Merlyn stopped and turned towards the boy. He went down to ones knee so that he was on Digsy’s eye level. He observed the young boy carefully and then shook his head.  


“Not anymore. Life hasn’t been kind to Digsy. That person is weak. Today he dies. “  


Digsy looked at Merlyn dazed, he didn’t understand, but he nodded.  


Merlyn peered into the young boy’s big brown eyes and grinned. It wasn’t a friendly grin, but it was probably the closest to one Merlyn could conjure up. He got up and flicked his cigarette on the ground, squashing it with his sparkling clean brown leather shoe.  


Merlyn stood there contemplating, then finally nodded looking back down at Digsy.  


“Joe. … I had an uncle called that once. He had the most beautiful voice. But he was also one tough son of a bitch. You think you can live up to that name Joe?”  


Joe looked up and nodded feeling dazed. Whether it was from the cold, the hunger or from the sudden sheer admiration he had for Merlyn, Joe couldn’t’ tell. Then he heard himself speak, he had forgotten he had a voice.  


“I can keep my last name?”  


Merlyn regarded the boy and grinned patting the young boy’s thin shoulders. He pushed Joe in front of him, and winked at the big men next to him.  


“I like you boy. Not afraid to ask the right questions. And to answer you. Yes. You can keep your last name if you want, as long as you remember that you are Joe first. One of Merlyn’s men.”  


The young boy nodded again, walking ahead of his new god.  


He tested out his name in his mind. 

Joe Foss.  


He smiled weakly. It didn’t feel right. So he decided he didn’t need to keep his last name after all. Joe was just fine.  


Joe.  


He held on to the lifeline, and although the line hardened him, making him sharper, and little crueler, Joe was never hungry again.


	3. Stop and Stare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Your hand touching mine. this is how galaxies collide."- Sanober Khan

Joe leaned on the granite wall decorated with obscure graffiti art, cigarette loose in his fingers, and one foot bent, stepping on what looked like a graffiti penis. He was tall man now, lean, with a sharp chin, and full lips that were unused to smiling. His dark skin shone against the white building behind him. From afar, he looked like a handsome typical 20-something year old. But he wasn’t typical. He was one of the Merlyn's Boys, the gold ring on his index finger was evidence, and the gun that he didn’t try to hide proved it. He was enjoying a small break before going back into the club to help with the night’s preparation. Merlyn’s Knights Club was famous for its live music and cocktails. Joe enjoyed whenever he got the chance to help out at the club. He especially enjoyed how close to the park it was. He enjoyed the different faces that passed through the park. And he could stand there for hours people watching, smoke swirling out of his mouth.  


Today, he was less people watching, because his focus was solely on a woman who was sitting on park bench, slim bronze neck craned looking up at the sky. He gazed as a snowflake twirled shyly towards her before landing slowly on her brown nose. The contrast between the white snow and her brown caramel nose was beautiful, he suddenly thought. He almost wanted to reach out and touch her. His eyes tracked her movement and he greedily breathed in his cigarette, trying to chase away thoughts that could complicate his life.  


As if sensing that Joe’s heart was retreating back to safety, the woman lowered her head and locked her eyes on his. His breath caught, making him almost choke on his cigarette. Joe breathed in roughly, tossed his half-finished cigarette and hurried back into the club.  


He didn’t dare look back.  


For the next few days Joe tried to forget the woman. A few days passed and he didn’t see her again at the park, or anywhere really.  


Her absence both relieved and scared him. He realized that there was a pit in his stomach that was steadily widening. He was missing someone he barely knew. And he had dreams about her. They were cliche romantic dreams that embarrassed him when he woke up. His anger, and sudden onset discontent at everything led him to take it out on people.  


Like now he was angrily punching some unfortunate man. The man fell to the ground, bleeding, his face swollen. He raised his hand in surrender, bracing himself on the other. Joe glared at him indignantly, pissed off that the man was surrendering so quickly. He wanted a punching bag, but dropped his fisted hand, and stared at the man in disgust.  


“Knights is not a strip club, so next time you or any of your guys touch any of our singers, we will cut off a testicle. And you and your boys better pay for the damages you caused last night.”  


The man nodded weakly. Joe sighed and rubbed his chin in irritation.  


“Okay. Get the fuck out of here!” Joe grumbled angrily, and shoved his hands into his pant pockets, his hands twitching to keep pummeling.  


The man probably worked for Grodd’s gang, they liked to mess with Merlyn’s gang sometimes. But it was never anything that would cause a gang war. The only time things got serious was when there was a clash between them, the Ghuls, or the Hunters. So, the three gangs tried to stay out of each other’s businesses and territories.  


The man stared at Joe, unsure. Usually, gang members were bit crueler than that. The man was worried that if he started walking away, his face would meet the ground again. Joe sighed exasperated, anger seeping away from his fingers.  


“Didn’t you hear me? Get the fuck out of here!”  


The man scrambled up uncertainly, “you ain’t going to kill me, or cut something off? “  


Joe narrowed his eyes dangerously, “not today,”Joe growled breaking into a crazed grin. The man didn’t need another invitation, he half stumbled, half ran away, muttering something that sounded like a thank you.  


Joe watched the man and shrugged.  


He walked away from the scene, fishing for a cigarette and trying to think of a story to tell Merlyn. I broke his leg, sounded about right. Joe sighed. He didn’t like lying to Merlyn.  


It wasn’t that Joe was kind or merciful, or any of that sentimental bullshit. He just had a code, his own code that he followed; unspoiled and un-wavered even by the great Merlyn.   
Joe figured this code came from his father or mother. He couldn’t be sure.  


But it wasn’t that he wasn’t a loyal soldier; he didn’t go around questioning Merlyn’s orders. If he was needed to break a man’s leg, so be it. If it was to shoot someone in some alleyway, so be it. But he never did it to be cruel. He did it because he usually agreed with Merlyn about whoever he needed to hurt. Merlyn was not a cruel man either. He was tactical, smart and as decent as a violent power hungry man could be. Unlike other gang bosses, Merlyn was particularly charitable to street children, and never participated in trafficking. So working for Merlyn wasn’t a challenge against Joe’s fundamental principles. But, whenever Joe felt like he was losing control, doing something to please the little monster that made him want to see blood, he would stop, no matter who he was betraying. That simple. It wasn’t mercy or kindness. Just self-preservation.  


He was deep in thought when he ran into the caramel woman. But he didn’t notice her. He heard a lady gasp in surprise. He grumbled an insincere apology at the head of a woman in pink scrubs, as she bent over to pick up her scattered books. He wanted to lean down and help her, but he stood there waiting for her to finish so he could apologize again. Merlyn’s Boys had a reputation of being gentlemen, and he didn’t want to spoil that, despite his sour mood.  


When the woman stood upright, frowning a little, his face went from slight irritation to shock, then wariness. The woman observed the different emotions that passed through his face, her head titled with a small amused smile on her face. Joe suddenly understood the expression, blinding smile.  


The caramel woman shrugged, trying to pull back on her smile.  


“You are not obliged to apologize you know, especially if you do't mean to. I mean that apology felt more like an insult.”  


Joe didn’t reply, instead he sort of gaped at her. He felt stupid, and for some reason a little scared. The caramel woman’s grin didn’t falter and she sighed playfully.  


“And now you are just staring like you did at the park. You really are an awkward man.”  


He knew she was joking but he suddenly scowled, less out of anger and more out of embarrassment. He had never felt like this before. It was…unpleasant?  


Not sure what to do with himself, he mumbled another apology and started to walk quickly pass her. He kept his head bowed, trying to avoid looking at her smile.  


He heard her voice behind him, it was light and kind, and he felt like it caressed his shoulders.  


“I like to eat at a small café called Jitters after my shift. Maybe I will see you there soon and you can stare at me a bit more?”  


Jo didn’t turn around, but a smile tugged on his lip. And he felt a little lighter then, like a weight had been lifted off his heart. Then so casually that he didn’t notice, he let a little string wrap itself tight around his heart.


	4. Love Songs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not.”-Jodi Picoult

Her was name was Francine Millie West. Fran for short. She was a nurse and everything about her was soft.  


Her words, her touches, her smile, and her kisses.  


It was a world away from what Joe was used to, so logically he spent the first few weeks fighting to stay out of her world. But he always ended up at the café, or at the park, waiting for her. And she always showed up.  


After a few months Joe finally gave in to her, and was happier for it. He smiled more, and stopped questioning why he was so content.  


By the third month of their relationship, he wanted to say thing things like, “you make me a better man.” But he didn’t. Because that was weird. Instead he settled on staring at her in awe. Wondering how this woman was in his life. He stared a lot, without realizing. Sometimes Fran would point it out, chuckling, feet on his lap, trying to find something to watch on the small television in her equally small living room.  


“You are staring again Joe.”  


He would blink surprised, and turn his eyes back to the television, rubbing her tired feet.  


Sometimes she scared the living shit out him. He would wake up in the middle of night sweating. It wasn’t very nice, he realized, having someone he was terrified to lose. But he couldn't leave her, she was under his skin.  


“I am part of Merlyn's gang,” he confessed one day, five months into their relationship. He was sure she already suspected it, especially with the golden ring he didn’t try to hide, and the random night calls he would get. And the fact that he didn’t have an actual job. But he wanted to make sure she really understood.  


She looked up from her book unfazed. Joe waited, trying not to let his anxiousness show.  


She shrugged coolly, “I figured.”  


Joe hesitated. He hadn’t expected a calm reaction to his news. He frowned and decided to clarify it better.  


“I beat people. Sometimes kill people for Merlyn. You understand that?”  


She put down her book, and seemed to think about it, her frown mirroring his.  


“And you also work at Knights Club right?”  


Thrown off by the question, Joe almost chuckled, but managed a slow uncertain nod.  


Fran then smiled, looking hopeful.  


“Can I pop by? I heard that you sing there sometimes.”  


Joe eyes widened in mortification and he shook his head furiously.  


“I don’t sing, “he stammered, looking away from her eager face.  


“You do. I know you do. Your voice sounds like it sings,” Fran exclaimed her voice rising in barely contained excitement.  


Joe shook his head again. He was not going to sing in front of her. No way. And before he knew it, his worry about Fran leaving him after discovering he was in a gang faded away.  


After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Fran spoke up, her head buried back in her Dean Koontz book. She loved reading, especially horror books. She was currently reading Cold Fire. Although Joe couldn’t see her face, her shoulder dropped, her bare shoulders suddenly looking fragile.  


“I used to be a drug addict. A bad one. So I am not an angel either, and I don’t expect you to be. You aren’t a cruel man, and that’s enough for me. “  


Joe stared at her for a long time until she chuckled, playfully nudging him with her toes, not looking away from her book.  


“Stop staring Joe,” she whispered melodically.  


They didn’t talk about it afterwards. Not her past addiction or his place with Merlyn. In fact, they generally didn’t talk about their past, wanting to run from it. Eager to embrace the future.  


He decided not to tell her that Merlyn didn’t approve of romance. He found it distracting, but he understood the need to ‘blow off steam’ as he called it. His general outlook towards relationships, love, and women explained why Merlyn was a bachelor.  


Whether Merlyn would approve of Fran or not, Joe wanted to keep his two worlds separate. So as much as he didn’t hide his relationship with Fran, he didn’t flaunt it either. He was good at being stoic, and Merlyn was good at trusting him. So everything went well for him.  


Fran even got to hear him sing once.  


She cried.  


He closed his eyes in embarrassment, and kept belting out Frank Sinatra's I've Got you Under My Skin in his sweet deep voice. As he stood on the stage, he was reminded that he was more than just a gang member, he was Joe. No more or less.


	5. We could be happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's the unexpected that changes our lives"

Life with Fran changed with the sound of flowing urine, silence, and a loud gasp.  


Joe stared at Fran blankly as she held up a pregnancy test. To a degree he knew what it all meant, but his brain was failing to load at the right speed. Fran waved the stick frantically in front his face.  


Joe couldn’t tell what emotions were running through his mind. He wanted to guess joy, or panic. He decided on panic, because he was sure that he was mirroring Fran's wide eyes and wide mouth caught in a silent scream.  


“Pregnant!” She screeched, her usual soothing voice resembling a crashing train.  


Joe felt like was standing on a wave, tilting left and right. His silence pushed Fran into hysterics and she started to pace around the room, saying things he couldn’t hear. They were in her apartment, it usually felt small but today it felt like it was squeezing the life out of him. He wanted to run. He wanted to bolt and get back Merlyn and his orders. That was simple and right now he craved for simplicity.  


Then he watched her pacing, running a hand through her short Afro. She did that sometimes, forgetting that she had cut her hair a few months ago. Her face was wild, tittering close to some invisible edge, she was still gripping the test like it was her lifeline.  


He stared at her in awe.  


Without looking at him, she rolled her eyes.  


“You are STARING AND NOT SAYING ANYTHING ANYMORE! STOP STARING!” She yelled and hurled the pregnancy on the floor. She sank down of the floor, ignoring the couch behind her. Her head fell in between her bent knees and her shoulders started to shake.  


In that moment something clicked into place for him. It was suddenly easy, as tranquil as carrying out Merlyn’s demands but also significantly more joyous. He felt his heart swell nearly breaking out of his chest.  


He walked toward Fran, went to his knees next her, and encircled her in his arms. It was an awkward hug but he held her tighter when she started whimpering.  


She was soft again.  


“What do I do Joe? What happens now?” She questioned, not moving from her position-head still down, as if trying to escape from the world.  


He was surprised that she hadn’t figured it out already. She was always so much smarter than him. Secretly pleased with himself for figuring it out first, he smiled and kissed her forehead reassuringly.  


“I don’t know Fran. But I think we are meant to figure it out together. And we will. Whatever you decide, I am not going anywhere,” he said matter of fact. Fran was quiet for a moment, and he felt her relax in his arms. She slowly raised her head, and placed a tender kiss on his chin, giving him one of those blinding grins of hers.  


“When did you get so romantic Joe? Holy shit.” She said teasingly and giggled when he shifted away to sit down next to her, too embarrassed to tell to her to shut up. They both leaned against the couch, and she dropped her head on his shoulder.  


In the silence of their contemplation of the future, Fran spoke up trying to keep her voice even.  


“Thank you.”  


Joe nodded slightly confused. He didn’t understand why she was thanking him.


	6. The Romantic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Love and war, it seemed, worked by the same rules. One had to hurry, before the fires flared out."- Robin Oliveira

The Ghuls were infamous for two things, their violence and their famous ‘Lazarus’ drug. They were ruthless if other gangs entered or did business their turf. In fact the last gang wars had started partly due to the Ghuls. Because of this, Merlyn's Boys stayed out of Ghuls business.  


This was until Nyssa, the daughter of Ras, the Ghuls gang leader went missing.  


The story went like this; Nyssa had been caught having a romantic affair with a member from the Merlyn's Boys. After being caught, Nyssa had gone missing. Ras had concluded that Nyssa had been drugged, raped, and then kidnapped, but everyone knew what had happened.  


It was Sara.  


Sara was, or had been, one of the toughest gang members the Merlyn's Boys had. She was the only one who could take on Merlyn in a fight and come out relatively unharmed. But everyone knew that she was the biggest flirt and had a thing for Nyssa. Still no one could believe that she had actually eloped with the daughter of the most ruthless gang leader. But obviously everyone had underestimated her.  


And so, just like that, clashes between the two gangs grew more frequent, bloodier and more hostile. It was if the city was hovering on the verge of a gang war. Somehow other gangs got involved in the feud.  


In his years in Merlyn’s gang, Joe had witnessed three gang wars and they were always bloody. He didn’t enjoy them, they reminded him that he hadn’t really chosen Merlyn- that Merlyn had chosen him.  


As tension escalated and hate between Merlyn and Ras grew, and there was suddenly more blood on Joe’s hand than had been for a very long time. He was once again Merlyn’s Archangel. Smiting, avenging and sparing few lives. He neither enjoyed it nor hated it. It was his job. He was protecting Merlyn. Overtime he learned to to separate himself, because Fran’s boyfriend, the father of her child, was not a killer.  


He became a little bit obsessed with cleanliness, always making sure every inch of his body was clean before going to see Fran. So before he gave himself permission to lie down next to her, he made sure that the hands that inched up towards her inflating belly were devoid of any trace of sin.  


Her stomach was huge now, and six months pregnant, she complained about everything. Her feet, her back, her mood, her body size, everything. But Joe always caught her smiling fondly at her belly, caressing it whenever she needed to calm herself. And Joe learned that although the pregnancy was a pain in her, well… everywhere, she was happy. Sometimes it worried him that he wasn’t as exuberant about the baby as Fran was. For him, it was Fran first, and the baby. But he never told her that.  


Amidst the mess of the gangs, Joe moved in with her more permanently. He didn’t plan or announce it. He just showed up with a bag and didn’t leave after that. And they didn’t talk about it. It was what it was.  


One night, as they both slept on the bed that was getting far too small for two humans and a ballooning belly, they had their first real talk.  


Joe was holding her tight ignoring a gunshot that sounded outside, eventually he turned her around in his arms, so that he could feel the belly between them. He caressed her face, and she closed her eyes enjoying the feeling. She knew he was staring at her, giving her that dreamy look that still made her feel a little shy.  


“You are staring again Joe.” She said merely out of habit, she didn’t actually mind, she never had. As sure as the rising sun, Joe blinked, then leaned in and kissed her tenderly, looking a little embarrassed. Then suddenly she was so tired, so sad and so scared. Joe noticed the change in her face.  


“What?” he asked in that voice of his that always tried not to betray too many emotions. It was a deep and rough, but it had lost a little bit of its edge in the two years they had been together. It still wasn’t warm enough though, and it made her a little sad that she wasn’t able to completely melt him away.  


“What if…” she paused, not sure how to continue. Joe leaned in closer, encouraging her to continue. She sighed and turned away from him, preferring to look at the white ceiling. It wasn’t really white, it had a greyish color that she didn’t particular like. She had always wanted to change it but the long shifts at work kept her away from doing a lot of things. She bit her lip and continued.  


“What if you go out and never come back? What if one of Ras’’s men tracks you down, and kills me to punish you?” she blurted out her eyes closed, not wanting to chicken out, especially for what she was going to say next.  


“What if we run away, leave this life and start over somewhere else? What if I don’t want to raise my child around someone from a gang?” She concluded her voice faltering at the last part.  


Joe was quiet, his arms looser around her. She was afraid to look at him. The darkness made the silence even more deafening and for a second Fran almost wished she could take the words back. Of course she knew that Joe worried all the time about his violent life seeping into hers, or that his life would take her away from him. Sometimes, he woke up from that nightmare, screaming her name. She would hold him, feeling scared for the baby growing inside her.  


She was about to say something, probably make a joke to lighten the mood, to take it back, when Joe grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently.  


“Wherever you were to go I would go. Whatever you want to do, I will do.” he said with a firmness that surprised him. He had suspected that at some point Fran had become the most important person in his life, but it wasn’t until that moment that he confirmed it.  


Something about his tone, and the simplicity of what he said, grounded Fran. She always worried that Joe would walk away from her, choosing his path as a Merlyn over her. But now…  


She let out a shaky breath, then snorted because she liked teasing her man.  


“Fucking romantic,” she whispered in the dark, but loud enough for Joe to hear it, knowing full well how embarrassed that statement would make him. Joe grunted.  
“you make things weird.”  


Fran giggled, and felt her baby kick. She hesitated, then smiled.  


“Can I take your last name one day?” Joe whispered in the dark. His voice was unusually soft. Fran turned away from him, trying to hide the tears that were threatening to burst out of her eyes. She couldn’t trust her voice, but she decided to answer.  


“Wherever you go I go. Whatever you want to do, I will try do,” Fran finally chocked out, tears streaming down her cheeks. She felt Joe lean into her and place a kiss in her shoulder, his arms tightened around her. Then she chuckled.  


“This better not be a marriage proposal though,” Fran warned, grinning, her back still to him. He laughed.  


“No. I just like the way Joe West sounds. And don't worry my wedding proposal will blow your mind.”  


After that, things between Fran and Joe were better. They still didn’t talk much about their future or past, preferring to live in the moment. But once in a while, on a quiet night, they would whisper their fears, and hopes to each other.  


And as the months passed, Fran’s belly expanded, mirroring the escalation of violence between the gangs of the city, but unlike Fran’s belly, when it came time to bloom, the violence brought death and not life.


	7. O Father, Where Art Thou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There is a saying that no man has tasted the full flavor of life until he has known poverty, love, and war."

The sound of Fran’s yelp when her water broke was accompanied by a gunshot. The whole day the city sounded like a war zone. The air felt thick, and Joe felt uncomfortable in his skin. Joe knew that the gang war had reached its peak, but he decided to ignore the outside word, opting instead to cuddle his gravid girlfriend. He was shocked that he hadn't gotten any calls from Meryln or the other gang members.  


Amidst the chaos of the seconds that followed her water breaking a thought flashed in his mind.  


Maybe they could run away, leave everything behind and start together somewhere new.  


He tried not to smile at the prospect as he accompanied her out of the room. She was groaning, wincing with every step. Her arm was around his shoulder, leaning into him for support.  


“I can tell that this is going to suck. This is going to just suck!” she hissed, torn between pain and irritation.  


They stepped outside, and the cold air enveloped them. As Joe ran out to go find a cab, Fran leaned on the wall, and gazed out, briefly admiring the orange in trees. Fall had always been her favorite season. Coincidentally today looked exactly like the first time she had met Joe. It had been a long day at the hospital, and she had lost a patient and her child. But seeing Joe, leaning against that wall, looking unexpectedly lonely, had reassured her. She didn't expect that she would actually end up dating a gang member, but now she couldn't imagine what her life would have been like if she hadn't met the man who was now running back towards her, following a taxi. She giggled at the sight wondering why Joe hadn't just gotten into the taxi.   


For once Joe’s face was an open book. Different emotions were flickering all across his sweaty face and the longest inhabitant was concern. She wanted to reach over, run a hand a across his cheek, and tell him that it would all be fine. Instead she groaned loudly, remembering to breath in and out. She had seen enough child births, to know exactly what to do, but it didn’t hurt any less.  


“Let’s go. Let’s go!”  


He nodded frantically, and helped her into the taxi, his hand was shaking. She turned to look at him before he closed the door.  


“Stop worrying Papa Joe.”  


Joe looked down at Fran as she gave him a small smile, and he returned it feeling just a little calmer.  


His phone suddenly started buzzing insistently, but he disregarded it. He tried not to wince as Fran crushed his hand in hers. All the way to the hospital, his phone buzzed in his pocket, reminding him that something was very wrong outside his little bubble with Fran. He knew what the call was about but he wasn't ready to deal with that yet.  


They rushed into the hospital. And his phone vibrated again, continuous like a fire alarm. Finally the vibrating started to get to him. He pictured Merlyn glaring at him, not saying anything, but his intense gaze reminding Joe that it was Merlyn who had given him life and that Joe had promised Merlyn his life in turn. The phone in his pocket now felt like it weighted a ton.  


He watched distractedly as the nurses wheeled Fran into a room. They were smiling, chatting away, and kept glancing at Joe with knowing smiles. Fran was now completely relaxed despite the contractions. She was home. All the staff at the hospital knew her, and they were doing everything to make her comfortable.  


When the doctor finally came in, he grinned at Fran, and Fran let out a half groan, half chuckle.  


“Don’t you dare say anything Julian!” She warned glaring at the doctor she normally worked with.  


The blonde British doctor started to laugh, and raised up his arms defensively.  


“Sheesh I wasn’t going to say anything,” he said with a twinkle in his eyes. He winked at Joe. And Joe gave him a court nod.  


He liked Dr. Julian. He was one of Fran’s good friends and one of the best OB/GYN doctors in the country, and made sure everyone knew it. Not many people immediately took to the cocky doctor. He could come off as arrogant, aloof and cold, but overtime, because of his close friendship with Fran, Joe had seen a side of him that he suspected that most people didn’t get to see.  


“Okay then Miss ‘I won’t ever have a baby’, your contraction are still quite far apart. So get comfortable,” Julian reassured, patting her knee. She chuckled in reply and tried to kick him, he jumped back shaking his head.  


“How do you handle this beast of a woman Joe? This is why being gay is being happy,” he exclaimed glancing at Joe incredulously, throwing a smirk at Fran. Before Joe could answer, his phone went off again and his hand itched to reach for it. Fran groaned at another contraction and stared daggers at Joe.  


“I swear to hell Joe, either answer that phone or shove it up your fucking ass,” she hissed, the promise of death in her words. Joe gave Julian a look, and he nodded in understanding. Momentarily considering Julian's proposal about be gay. Nurse Fran could be a scary woman.  


He leaned down and kissed her sweaty forehead before walking out of the room. The voice of Julian and Fran faded away as he answered the call.  


The voice on the other line was rushed and panicked. He couldn’t even tell who he was talking to, or what the voice was talking about. But he managed to catch the essential.  


Merlyn was shot. At the club.  


Without thinking the raced out of the hospital. He quickly found a taxi (he really needed to buy a car) and gave the hospital building a guilty look before they pulled away.  


When he pulled up at the club, he let out a gasp, stumbling at the state of it. His second home was tattered, partly on fire and the walls were full of bullet holes. Near the entrance, there were people on the street, some dead and some looked injured. He heard gunfire, and ducked. He couldn’t be sure who was shooting, who was a Grodd, who was a Ghul and who was a Merlyn. It was just blood and death.  


Still squatting, he dodged in between cars, and finally rushed into the club. A gunshot whizzed past his ear, startling him. He couldn’t calm his beating heart, partly because he suddenly heard Fran voice echoing in his head, “what if you never come back?”  


He pushed the voice away, trying not to think about how he had left her alone, how he had broken his promise to her.  


He saw Merlyn on the floor, right in front of the entrance, gun in his hand. His face grim, sweat collecting on his forehead. He noticed Joe and lowered his gun, his hand trembling. He let out a shaky breath.  


“I almost shot your head off boy,” he grumbled, giving Joe a small disbelieving smile. Joe didn’t return it, and instead walked steadily towards him trying not to panic, trying to remain stoic. The closer he got to Merlyn, the more panic fluttered in his chest, but he crushed it down. Merlyn was bloodied, face slack and pale, but there was still fire burning in his blue eyes. There was blood on his shirt around his stomach, and his famous fedora was on his lap.  


Merlyn laughed heartily and grimaced in pain.  


“You have the worst poker face Joe. Have I ever told you that?”  


Joe shook his head and kneeled down besides Merlyn trying to find the best way to lift him up. He slid an arm around Merlyn's waist trying to avoid his wounds. He couldn't tell where the bullet holes started and ended. As he started to haul his boss up, Merlyn grunted and shook his head.  


“I don’t think that’s wise.”  


Joe frowned not letting him go.  


“You will be fine. We can sneak out the back. Or even the front. There aren’t many people fighting out there anyone,” he said trying to sound as calm as he could. He sometimes went to visit Fran at work, and had observed how she spoke to patients.  


He wasn’t telling the truth. It was still crazy outside, but he needed a way to get Merlyn to the hospital, and it started with them moving away from the entrance.  


Merlyn rolled his eyes, the slowly lifted up his shirt. Joe gasped when he saw two bullet holes covering his stomach, and a third near his chest. Mouth agape, Joe gazed up at Merlyn. How?  


Merlyn grinned proudly, his teeth soaked in blood. He pulled down his shirt down again, chuckling.  


“You are wondering how I am still alive aren’t you?”  


Joe stared at Merlyn, shocked at how light-hearted Merlyn sounded.  


“It’s because tough bastards like us are hard to kill Joe. Ras is a scary man, but I think he is weak. Now put me down.”  


Joe lowered him down, habit forcing him to follow orders. Then he hovered over him not sure what to do.  


Merlyn let out raspy breath, his gun limp in his hand. Then he frowned at Joe, displeased that he was still there.  


“Why are you still here? Shouldn’t you be with your girlfriend? You know, thhe one giving birth right now?”  


Joe blinked rapidly, and let out incomprehensible string of words.  


Merlyn chuckled in response.  


“You think you can be involved with someone for two years and I won’t know everything? You underestimate me boy.”  


Joe slid down and sat next to the dying man. He swallowed feeling ashamed, “why didn’t you ever…ask me?”  


Merlyn sighed, “You didn’t seem like you wanted me to know. But I made sure no one bothered you and your lady. I was actually hoping that no one would call you about this little mess we are having here. But here you are.”  


Joe had never wanted to cry more in his life.  


“I wish I had told you,” he finally stammered.  


Merlyn simply shrugged, closing his eyes, “I wish I had made it easier for you to tell me. I wish I had done a lot of things.”  


Joe swallowed back tears. And Merlyn reached over and patted the young man’s shoulder.  


“I almost had a son once you know He would probably be your age now. I was going to call him Tommy. But….” Merlyn stilled, and Joe tried to ignore the tear that rolled down his face.  


Silence enveloped them, even the gunshots quieted down. Joe felt a heaviness settle on him.  


“I don’t want to lose you,” he said quietly. He wasn’t sure if Merlyn heard him because he kept his eyes closed, looking more at peace than Joe had ever seen him. Joe almost thought he was dead but to his relief he saw the weak rise and fall of his chest. After a few minutes, Merlyn opened his eyes and nodded towards the entrance of the club.  


“I think things are calming down now Joe. You go. Go see your woman. I got this.”  


Joe remained unmoving, and the Merlyn sensing that Joe was not going to move, turned to glare at him. Merlyn almost faltered when he saw the absolute devastation on the young man’s face, but decided that he needed to be strong for both of them. So Merlyn narrowed his tired, and he saw that Joe was starting to get nervous. It was the same tactic he had used on him as a young boy to discipline him. It had never failed him- look at him in a way that scared the shit out of him.  


“Get out Joe” he growled breathless. “You will not sit here and watch me die, while your woman is about to give you a future that I had never had. So get up, get the fuck up, that's an order boy”  


Joe got up on wobbly legs, not trusting himself to walk but Merlyn’s cold angry eyes pushed him away.  


“Don’t forget your hat,” Merlyn said nodding toward his famous fedora.  


Joe started to shake his head, but stopped when Merlyn shot him another killer look. Joe reached down and picked it up and knowing that it was what Merlyn wanted him to do, Joe placed the fedora on his head. It felt too big. Too weighty. Merlyn nodded and gave him a thumb up, grinning. His face was too pale. He looked too weak.  


“Do right by me Joe and do better than I did, and I never told you but my Uncle Joe was one hell of a father, so do right by him too. ”  


Joe nodded numbly, and not trying to hide his trembling lips.   


Merlyn sighed and chuckled, Joe had always been such a soft child. He was glad that some of the hardness was beginning to melt away.  


To Joe’s shock, Merlyn suddenly got up slowly using the wall as support. Joe tried to walk over to help him, but Merlyn held up his hand.  


“It’s okay boy. I am going to my office, get myself a drink and then take a nap. Don’t disturb me? You will be okay without me.”  


Joe felt like a young boy again. The way he had stood there, ten years back, the first time Merlyn had left him alone, trying to obey his new friend, but at the same time not ready to be left alone.  


The young boy watched Merlyn walk away from him. And just like he had so long ago the first time Merlyn had brought Joe to the club. Merlyn stopped, and in the kindest voice he could muster, reassured Joe, “I am glad I saved you. Don’t ever forget that.” The young boy blinked back his tears, for once, feeling like h mattered to someone.  


Joe nodded firmly and secured his fedora firmly on his head. He didn’t cry when he turned away from the closest thing to a father he had and rushed out to go back to Fran.


	8. Begin Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If I could save time in a bottle  
> The first thing that I'd like to do  
> Is save every day  
> Till Eternity passes away  
> Just to spend them with you"  
> -Time in a Bottle - Jim Croce

He didn’t have to say anything when he walked out of the battered club. The fedora on his head spoke for him, and it was a language that the others in the gang understood.  


He was now in charge.  


Sensing what might have happened, some of the gang members started to head towards the club. But Joe held up his hand shaking his head.  


“No. He wants to be alone. You guys should start cleaning up, and taking whoever you can do the hospital. I will deal with this when I get back,” he said with authority he didn’t’ know he had. He was amazed at how even his voice sounded.  


There was nodding, and the remaining gang members bowed their head out of respect. Joe felt his heart clench painfully, but he didn't have time to grieve.  


Instead, he nodded towards the only car that hadn't been utterly destroyed by the gang chaos, it was a black hyundai. One of the gang members sitting on the curb-cigarette in his hand looking forlorn, blood splattered on his white shirt-fished for keys, and threw them at Joe. Joe caught them in the air and looked down at the man. He wasn’t that much older than him. They had seen each other a few times, but had never really talked. He gave the man a weak smile.  


“Thanks Gordon.”  


Jim Gordon nodded still looking dejected, and watched as smoke swirled out of his mouth. Joe had a sudden strong craving for a cigarette, but thought of it when he pictured Fran's face if he went back to smoking. Joe nodded back at the short blonde, serious-faced ma; he wasn’t a man of many words but he had been one of Merlyn’s best men.  


“He really loved you, you know?” was all Jim said. Joe nodded curtly once more, his face crumbling and got into the car before he lost it completely.  


By the time Joe got to the hospital, he was in a state he couldn’t describe. But thankfully he was numb all over, his brain trying to process the death of Merlyn, and trying not to feel the heaviness of the fedora he now wore. Most of all he tried very hard not to picture Fran’s reaction to his news.It was all about to get complicated.  


He sprinted to Fran’s private room, his breath coming out heavily.  


Before he reached her room, he noted that there was blood on his hands. His hand trembled slightly. He took a detour and went to the bathroom. As he scrubbed away the blood, he paused and stared at the mirror. He looked different, he thought. His eyes were a little older, bags underneath his eyes, and his brown skin was an unhealthy shade of grey. He bent down and splashed water on his dazed face.  


He met Dr. Julian in the hallway, right outside Fran's room. He was holding a baby in his arms, swaying back and forth. Dr. Julian looked up and spotted him, standing frozen suddenly terrified.  


“You want to hold your little girl?”Dr. Julian asked motioning him toward the little baby in a pink blanket. Joe nodded stiffly and he tried not to show terrified he was. Dr. Julian carefully handed the new dad his baby girl. The father stared at the brown little human in his arms confusion rattling his brain. The two men stood in the hallway for a few more minutes, talking softly, then Dr. Julian gave Joe a small smile and nodded towards Fran’s room. Joe quietly walked into the room trying not to disturb the new mom.  


He sat beside her and the baby writhed as if sensing the presence of her mother.  


“She is beautiful isn’t she?” Fran's voice came softly from the bed.  


Joe looked down at the tiny baby in his arms. His heart was doing a dance, tugging and jumping. It unsettled his stomach slightly.  


“Does she have a name?” Joe replied still looking down at the baby. They hadn’t really discussed names, they hadn’t discussed a lot of things, he suddenly realized.  


“I was thinking of Iris, after my grandmother. But I was waiting for your opinion,” Fran's voice whispered. She sounded so tired.  


Joe cracked a small smile.  


“It’s perfect.”  


Fran let out a weak chuckle. And Joe finally looked back at her. Her eyes were closed, and her breath was slow. He reached over and squeezed her hand. Her eyes opened, and seeing his worried look, she smiled at him.  


“Fatherhood looks really good on you Joe. You are about to become the ultimate chick magnet,” Fran said teasingly. A little sparkle in her tired eyes.  
Joe shrugged, and squeezed her hand even tighter, but not enough to hurt her.  


“You are the love of my life Francine Irene West. No one could tear me away from you,” Joe said despite how corny it sounded. He almost wanted to get on knee and propose right there.  


Fran giggled, then sobered, and shook her head.  


“Let me tell you something. You wont' like it, but you need to hear it.”  


Joe shifted closer to her so that his face was right near hers.  


“You are irrefutably the great love of my life, everything about you makes me feel special, and alive,” she whispered a fond smile on her lips. Joe kissed it. She kissed him back, then pulled back, her eyes losing a little bit of the sparkle. She lifted her hand, and placed it on his cheek, lightly brushing his light subtle.  


“But I am definitely not the great love of YOUR life.”  


Joe stared at her in shocked disbelief. Unfazed by his reaction, Fran kept her hand on his face trying to smooth away the deep frown lines that were forming on his forehead.  


“Don’t look so shocked. It’s okay. I don’t mind, because look at what we created. I think this little angel will melt what I couldn’t melt away. Look at her Joe. Look at her,” she said insistently, her voice full of love. He looked back down at the bundle in his arms, the bundle cooed, and his frown melted away, replaced by a kind of awe.  


A few minutes of silence descended into the room, the parents lost in their new baby girl. She was beautiful.  


Joe shouldn’t have been feeling this happy, because so many things were going wrong, but his daughter’s face gave him a sort of strength that he couldn’t explain.  


Joe sighed, and looked back at Fran. She was smiling happily, her eyes closed. She was beautiful too. Joe stared, trying to shut out the noisy long beep of the machine.  


After what felt like an eternity, a hand dropped on his shoulder.  


“I am so sorry for your loss,”Dr. Julian choked out behind him and continued, “time of death 5:00 PM. I am glad you were here to say goodbye at least. As I told you in the hall, there was excessive bleeding…”  


Dr. Julian kept talking, his voice breaking several times. But Joe tuned him out, and continued to stare at Fran. Her face was wearing the most content smile, and somehow her Afro was attracting all the sun rays that had sneaked through the blinds. His beautiful Fran. He waited for her to say something about his insistent stare, and tease him about it. She remained motionless.  


Then he let out a sound, it was a loud broken sound; ugly, loud and foreign to his ears, but it flowed out of his mouth.  


He hadn’t sobbed in years. He couldn’t remember what it sounded like. He didn’t remember it being this painful, this destructive, each wave of sound that ebbed out of his mouth tore him inside.  


Dr. Julian tried to reach for the crying Iris, but Joe held her closer, valuing her more than anything in his life.  


Not realizing, Joe started muttering to himself, to Merlyn, his daughter and to Fran.  


“I am sorry.”  


The string that he thought was permanently stitched into his heart started to slip away. Joe tried to hold on to it, but it went with Fran. Joe was sure the string took his heart with it.


	9. Metamorphosis of Joe West

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody.”

Francine’s death didn’t break him. 

Perhaps it was because he had a screaming Iris to attend to in the middle of the night. Or perhaps it was because he had so much to fix after the gang war. He was determined to raise his daughter in a world that was less violent and less lonely than the one he had grown up in.  


He spoke to other gangs, and in a few years a sort of truce was formed between a majority of the gangs. The death of Ras eased the process, rumors had it that Tatsu of the Crescent gang had cut him down, probably to avenge her late lover Maseo, who had died at the hands of Ras’s gang.  


After Ras’s death, rules of engagement were created among the gangs. It didn’t mean there wasn’t any crime, or violence, it just meant that things were a lot calmer now.  


He fixed the club. He wanted to change its name to Fran, but he kept it as Knights Club. Some things, he felt were not supposed to be changed.  


So, no, Francine’s death didn’t break him. Somehow he got softer instead, his voice once rough, softened adapting to his daughter’s needs.  


And as the years flowed by, the fedora on his head grew lighter and the memory of Francine stopped hunting. But he didn't look for love again, he was content to just watch his daughter grow. 


	10. The Little Rascal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “She was an alien, really - a sort of eating, pooping, tantrum machine - and he didn't understand anything about her species.”

Iris Millie Fran West was a little rascal.  


She drove her father insane and she knew it.  


But, she didn’t misbehave just to drive her father crazy. Like any other ten year old kid, she just wanted attention.  


Because her father was a gang boss, he would disappear into meetings that would sometimes last the whole day. Meetings that she wasn’t at all costs allowed to join in-even if she didn’t say anything. So, Iris was left by herself more often than not, especially during the weekend, when there was no school.  


She would have invited her friends over but a lot of them weren’t allowed to come to her house.  


For the longest time Iris had not been able to understand why, and would constantly ask Kara, her best friend, to come to her place during the weekend, but the answer would always be the same.  


“I can’t. My mom says I shouldn’t, but you can come over…” Kara would mutter in reply, nervously chewing a chunk of her messy blonde hair.  


And although Kara was a little strange, always running around or fighting with the boys, and usually winning because she had freakish strength, she was the nicest person Iris knew. So, Iris tried not to get mad at her for too long whenever she declined her invitation to come to her house. Instead, Iris would sigh dejectedly, and remove Kara’s hair from her mouth, and attempt to brush it down. A few seconds later, Kara would have her hair in her mouth again, laughing loudly at something Iris was doing with her eyes. And the girls would quickly forget about it.  


It took a while but by the time she turned ten, Iris had started to understand why her friends were not allowed to come over, and why sometimes the teachers were a little too patient with her.  


It had something to do with her father and the golden ring he wore on his index finger. And the men, and on occasion women, with guns that sometimes surrounded her father or herself when they went out. Also, she concluded, it was probably because her house was impossible to find, and had strange secret doorways.  


She didn’t exactly know what it all meant yet but to her it was normal.  


Her favorite thing was when her father allowed her to stay up, usually during the weekend, and they would both go to the ‘place with the beautiful singing women.’ Her father said it was Nights or Nets, or something along those lines. She would sit with her father on the first floor away from the rowdy crowd, and gawk down at the scene. She would see striking women with glittery dresses and fantasize about one of them being her mother. She didn’t tell anyone, but after nights like those, she would go to her room and mimic the walks of those women, dangerously confident, with red lipstick, and shoes that rose them to meet the clouds.  


On this particular Saturday, Iris was spectacularly bored. And she just wanted to spend the day with her father.  


She went down the stairs, and walked down to the basement. It wasn’t really a basement, but it was what she called it. It was a large room that could easily fit in several cars. Her father used this as an office, a garage, a bunker, there were even benches and a table that was rarely used.  


Only specific people were allowed in the basement, mostly the gang members. And it was an area that was used strictly for business.  


Iris rarely ventured into the basement because the place creeped her out. On occasion she would hear people yelling and screaming in the basement. Then she would do what her father had told her to do whenever she heard screaming from the basement; lock her room, close her ears and sing. The only cool thing about the basement was that it had a secret exit and entrance that led to an alleyway that led to city center.  


She stood outside her father’s study nervously. It was a large room with a great big wooden door that as a short ten year old seemed to tower over her.  


She could hear an orchestra of voices inside, she almost chickened out, but she was really quite bored.  


“Dad!” she screamed right outside his office. She heard his father say a bad word, and the voices around him chuckle, one person was laughing, and she could guess that it was probably Gordon.  


“DAAD!” she yelled again, this time louder, her voice echoing throughout the empty room, disturbing the little insects that inhabited the corners of the walls.  


The wooden door swung open and her father stood there, a frown on his face. She smiled at him cheekily.  


Her father was an imposing man. He wasn’t particularly tall, or overflowing with muscle, but the way he held himself, the fedora that was usually perched on his head, and the occasional cigarette that hung in between his lips scared most people. All in all Joe hadn’t changed very much with age. At 32, he was still lean, with a subble beard now, and a short high fade. His face wore a frown more often than not, giving him a sour look that women found irresistible. Women saw him and wanted to mend whatever was broken in his heart. He never denied them the chance, but they usually left him soon after, disappointed.  


Iris on the other hand found her father to be many things but never intimidating, even when he was angry at her. To his daughter, Joe was a giant brown teddy bear.  


“What is it Iris?” he demanded in a voice that scared most people except his stubborn daughter.  


His daughter stood there pouting, completely unshaken by her father’s harsh tone.  


“I want to play! I am bored!” was her whiny reply.  


Joe rolled his eyes, a small smile tugging on the corner of his lip.  


“Do you want me to ask one of the guys to play UNO or something with you?” he asked gesturing to his men behind the closed door and ignored the groans that came from behind him.  


She shook her head in reply, crossing her own arms. She wanted to go out, and Gordon the only person she ever wanted to play UNO with, always won.  


“I want to play with you! I am bored. Let’s go out dad. Please?” she pleaded her arms dropping to her side and her voice becoming whiny again, with a tinge of desperation.  


Her father’s face loosened a little, and he broke into a full smile. He was almost ready to concede to her daughter’s request, when he suddenly, a voice rang behind him.  


“Joe, are we finished talking about David Sigh?”  


Iris knew David, he was a cop who sometimes showed up at the flower shop to talk to her dad. She didn’t know a lot about him, but always ogled him and his blue uniform whenever she saw him. There was something about his blue uniform that both scared and impressed her.  


Her father gazed back down at her trying to smile away her disappointed look.  


“We will go right after this,” he promised before turning around. He started to close the door, and gave his daughter another backward look, this was sterner, “and what did I say about you coming here? Go get ready. I will be up as soon as this is over. Okay hun?”  


Iris sighed and nodded her anger fading. She felt defeated. She stood outside the door for a few minutes before shuffling away, dragging her feet dramatically. She wanted to believe that her father would finish whatever he was doing on time and they would go out, but she knew better. This usually happened, and in the end, her father just tried to cheer away another broken promise.  


Suddenly she stopped midway up the stairs to the living room and came to a fair conclusion. No. Not today. Today she would go out, with or without her father. She was old enough anyway.  


She ran up to her room, and just like she has seen in the movies of kids running away from home, she packed a small bag.  


The first thing she packed was candy, and of course, the teddy bear she had had since forever, then some of her favorite clothes, mostly a white dress, and tissue. She was about to head out, when she realized that she might need some underwear, so she rushed back into her room. She wasn’t planning to runaway that was silly, she could never leave her father. But she figured it was better to be prepared than not.  


She started making her way down the stairs, and remembered that there were probably guards waiting outside the door, in the flower shop. She bit her lip, and sat down the stairs beaten.  


Then she had an idea. She went back to the basement, and waited for a few minutes. And sure enough within a few minutes, a few of the men came through the secret entrance. She just needed to rush before the door shut behind them. As soon as the men entered, she stuck her foot preventing the door from closing completely. She waited breathlessly, afraid that one of the men would turn around, but they didn’t.  


And just like that Iris Millie Fran West made it outside.

She was little rascal.


	11. The chess player

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Few people when meet first time they feel that meeting each other was the purpose of their life.”

Iris was nervous when she stepped outside into the dim alleyway. She half expected someone to point at her, yell and rush back inside to call her father. Walking through the alleyway felt strange without her father. The closer she got the sun, the more anxious she became, waiting for the other shoe to drop. But, finally, she stepped out into the light.  


The moment she stepped out, she was immediately accosted by people, rushing by her, bumping into her. The world felt huge without her father, or the men who followed her around.  


But she felt liberated.  


The best part about using the secret exist, was always the statue. The best statue in the entire world, and she made sure to stop and gaze at the magnificent piece of art.  


It was a bronze great tall woman, with what looked like a head scarf, with a basket on her head. Next to her was a little girl, looking up at her mother with wonder, and her hair in little braids.  


Iris could stare at the statue for hours, her heart clenching from envy and marvel. She had read the words on the statue once, and like the statue they were beautiful.  


_Every little fight matters- a gift from the Zambezi people _.  
__

____

She gaped at the statue for a few more minutes, imagining herself as the little girl looking up at her mother. She almost started wallowing in her want, then remembered that she was outside, by herself, without her father or Gordon, or any of the gang members.  


A tinge of fear briefly seized her before she remembered that just across the street, a few steps away, was the park. She hesitated remembering the busy road she had to cross to reach the park, but decided it was too late to go back home. Much to her surprise, no one paid any attention to her. Everyone was occupied with their lives.  


When she finally reached the park, she was proud even though her backpack was starting to feel a little heavy. Maybe she shouldn’t have packed her marble collection. She shrugged, and reminded herself that it was better to be safe than sorry.  


She adjusted her backpack so that is was more evenly balanced on her back, before she resumed her walk. The weather was nice and cool, brushing against her cheeks. She wore blue tights, a red skirt, pink boots, a bright blue sweater, with curly brown hair tied in two tight buns. Eyes wide with wonder, and sometimes she stopped to marvel at squirrels, and other times she stood frozen trying not to attract the attention of a dog. Sometimes, someone would catch sight of her, and eye her curiously looking around for an adult. She would duck her head and walk faster. One or two people almost approached her but thought better of it. They had things to do.  


Finally, she got tired, and headed towards a bench. Her stomach grumbled, as she climbed on the bench. She beamed, remembering the candy she had packed for just this occasion. She unwrapped the piece of chocolate and chewed it solemnly. She stared around her as she savored the sweet taste, then almost chocked on her chocolate when she realized that she didn’t know where she was. She squirmed on her sit worriedly, and bit her lip, her half-eaten chocolate forgotten. It started to snow a little then, and it was beautiful, the addition of white into the spectrum of colors that was the park, but Iris too concerned on how she would reach home to notice.  


“That looks delicious,” a voice suddenly said besides her.  


She sat upright, a voice in her mind chanting, remember stranger danger, stranger danger! She turned around cautiously to see a man sitting on a bench next to her, a chess board spread out in front of him on the stone table. There was no one sitting opposite him.  


He was wearing a black shirt, contrasting his pale white skin which is encapsulated with goose bumps. He was slim, almost unhealthy slim. He had white silky hair, it was probably blonde, but it looked white in the snow, it was long, a bit too longer, and it fell over his eyes as he bowed down to move a chess piece. Iris was suddenly very curious, he didn’t look scary. In fact, he looked lost, like her. And maybe lonely. She hopped off her bench and walked over to sit opposite him. He didn’t look up, but she noticed the softness of his features.  


“You want some candy, I packed a lot,” she asked softly not wanting to interrupt the certain peacefulness that surrounded the man.  


The man was quiet for a minute, then finally looked up. And she was right, his eyes did look lost, and maybe sad. They were a dull brown, but looked kind. Even as a little girl, Iris, had more empathy than most people, so without realizing her lips started trembling. The man with the young looking face went from amusement to confusion. He sat up straighter concern creasing his blonde full eyebrows.  


“You don’t have to give me any of your candy,” he reassured her matter of fact.  


Iris giggled, a little of the sadness she had caught from the man fading. She reached into her bag and removed three bars of chocolate. And proudly placed them on the table.  


“No. I like sharing. You just look sad, which makes me sad. That’s all.” She said without daring to meet his eyes.  


She was relieved when she saw his hand sneak over to grab a bar of chocolate. She raised her head to look at him, he smiled at her and she beamed back in reply and continued munching on her chocolate. Her stomach rumbled and she sniffed, embarrassed at how loud it was. The man’s eyebrow raised, and he gazed at her steadily. Iris squirmed a little, feeling surprisingly guilty.  


“So, what are you doing here? By yourself? Are you running away?” the man asked, his eyes not leaving the hungry girl opposite him, he noticed that she didn’t have gloves on, and frowned, it was getting really cold.  


“No. I was just walking because I was bored at home,” she replied shrugging as nonchalantly as she could. She was afraid of telling him that she was a bit lost. Alright, a whole lost, she thought to herself.  


But apparently she didn’t need to tell him because he replied, amusement trickling in his voice.  


“And now you are lost?”  


She stammered, ready to argue, but then looked up at the man’s face, which wore a small patient smile. She realized that she trusted him.  


“yeah,” she conceded, swinging her legs, feeling a tiny bit discomfited.  


The man nodded as if to himself, and started packing his chest pieces into a brown ancient looking suitcase.  


“Where do you live?” He inquired, in his soft voice. He sounded like a wise old man, despite his young face.  


She started, then stopped, then she looked at him, eyes widening in shock. She couldn’t remember the name of the street. She knew it was behind a flower shop but she doubted that would be useful information. She immediately felt helpless.  


“Anything near your place. Specific landmark?” the man asked soothingly noticing the panic that was starting to grip the girl.  


Iris almost answered by saying the Zambezi statue, but she hesitated, realizing that her father would murder her if she showed a stranger the secret entrance, it was a gang secret. She sighed, and decided to take a chance.  


“I live behind a flower house,” she mumbled, and noticed the man’s confusion. Then she added hopefully, “I don’t live very far from a place where many ladies sing at night? It’s the same road.” The man nodded slowly like he was trying to understand. Then Iris decided to risk her father’s wrath.  


“I live near the Zambezi statue,” she finally said, trying to hide her uneasiness.  


The man chuckled. Iris liked the sound. It was no condescending.  


“Okay. Want me to accompany you?” He asked standing up, he wasn’t a very tall man. Maybe a little shorter than her father. The briefcase was clutched in his hand. Iris nodded smiling shyly, then she gave him a skeptical look.  


“You know what place I am talking about?”  


There was a mischievous twinkle in his eyes as he replied. He shrugged, “I think so. I live near there as well. But I am also bad with direction, so we might get lost again. Is that okay?”  


That was good enough for Iris. It was far better to get lost with someone else. They started to walk towards Iris’s father’s rage, the man removed his gloves, bent down and put them on her hands. They were too big for her, but they did the job. She grinned, her fingers no longer feeling numb.  


Before she could mumble a thank you, he reached out a hand.  


“Ready?”  


She nodded, grabbing her hand into his. Iris nearly started skipping. She felt particularly childish.  


“What’s your name?” the man asked.  


“Iris Millie Fran. But you can call me Fran. You?”  


The man hesitated a little, then looked down at her with a little smile.  


“Stein.”  


Iris nodded expertly and asked, “Like Frankenstein?”  


Stein laughed heartily, and the sound drifted through the air and plastered a grin on her face.  


“No. I am afraid less interesting than that. Martin Stein.”  


Iris tried not to look disappointed, which greatly amused Stein.  


“Do you have children, Stein?” Iris asked because she remembered that’s what adults talked about. Children, marriage, houses and weather things. Also, she figured if he had a child, and she was her age, they would get along superbly. And they would be three friends. Kara, her and the new person.  


Stein contemplated the question and nodded, smiling to himself.  


“Yes, I have around…40 children this year,” he said with a wink. Iris halted, shocked. 40?  


“One mom?” she squeaked, blinking rapidly.  


Stein chuckled, and tugged her along, resuming their slow pace. He thought about his answer, trying hard not to look at Iris’s face. Her eyes were wide with shock, and she kept glancing at him worriedly.  


“You could say their mom is science, more specifically… physics.”  


Iris nodded slowly, attempting to understand. She was starting to think she was walking with a crazy man. Stein sensing her discomfort, chortled.  


“Sorry. I am not good at jokes,” he admitted embarrassed. He pointed to himself, “I am a physics professor at S.T.A.R University.”  


Iris giggled, finally understanding what Stein had been talking about and concluded something important.  


“You are bad at making jokes.”  


Stein huffed, “oh really? Tell me a joke then Iris.”  


Iris didn’t correct him like she usually did when anyone else, except her father and Gordon, called her Iris and not Fran. It felt right for some reason.  


And as they walked back home, Stein attempted more jokes, and Iris groaned at Stein’s awful physics jokes, while Stein laughed at Iris’s much better jokes.  


They finally got to the statue. They both stood in front of it. Hand in hand, mirroring the two great figures.  


Finally Iris turned to Stein her face suddenly very serious.  


“I am about to show you something I shouldn’t. But you have to promise to never ever tell anyone. Okay?”  


Stein turned to look at the grave face of the young girl. And mimicked her seriousness. He bent down and showed her his pinky finger.  


“I promise.”  


Iris nodded, and they pinky swore, which to Iris was more than enough. The pinky swear was sacred thing after all.  


She looked around, trying to remember the way to the secret door. The sun was starting to set. They entered an alleyway and Stein laughed uneasily.  


“I am not about to get offered as a sacrifice or something am I?”  


Iris laughed lightly, it did look scary in the diminishing light.  


She stopped at the wall, and knocked with a piece rock that was usually placed inconspicuously on the floor right in front of the wall. The wall made a surprising metallic sound.  


Stein stared at the fake wall in surprise, and ran his hand over the door camouflaging as a wall. He whistled appreciatively.  


“That is very clever.”  


Iris nodded proudly. It had been her father’s idea. She bit her lips nervously and banged on the door one more time. She could just see her father’s furious face. She closed her eyes in preparation.  


As soon as the door opened, it was chaos.  


Suddenly there was shouting. She was grabbed, and Stein was on the floor, pinned down by some men. She couldn’t help but scream, because all she could see was Stein, on the floor, eyes closed, and blood on his temple.  


Then just like that, her father was there. His voice booming from inside.  


“What is going on here? Why is Iris screaming?”  


Someone put her down, and she ran toward her father crying, her boots echoing.  


“What is the meaning of this?” Her father growled, his voice murderous.  


The men shifted nervously, except Gordon, whose arms were folded, a deep frown on his face, with a foot on Stein’s face. He just pointed down at a terrified Stein, as if it explained everything.  


Joe couldn’t see Stein properly, he picked Iris’s up in his arms and gestured at the pinned man.  


“Who is that then?”  


Gordon nodded in agreement, as if Joe had just answered his own question. When the room remained quiet, and Joe stared at Gordon expectantly. Gordon decided that a few more words were necessary.  


“Exactly. Who is this man? How did he find out about the secret entrance? Why was he holding Iris’s hand? There can’t be any good answers to these questions,” Gordon concluded with a shrug, his foot pressing harder on Stein’s face. Stein winced in pain.  


Iris stammered, trying to find a way to answer Gordon without getting in too much trouble with her father. She poked her father'arm to get his attention ready to explain everything. Stein’s face was breaking her heart. But her father ignored her, his eyes suddenly focusing on Stein. He looked murderous. He put Iris down, as she called to him, tugging on his shirt insistently. He patted her head dismissively and walked towards the fallen Stein.  


Joe squatted next to him, and roughly pulled Stein by his hair.  


Joe faltered a little when Stein opened his eyes, brown confused eyes gazing up at him. They looked kind. But Joe held him in place, trying to keep his cool. Anyone could look kind.  


Joe’s thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the man. Not catching what the man had said, Joe blinked and in a voice that sounded harsher than he wanted, asked, “What did you just say?”  


The man repeated, “You shouldn’t stare like that.” It wasn’t a reprimand, there was a light tone to it. Almost as if he was teasing. Which was ridiculous. Joe stared at the man, mouth set in a thin frown. Instead of replying, he nodded toward the man’s briefcase.  


“I have no love for trespassers. Especially those who are a little too comfortable with my daughter. I don’t know who you are, but if you don’t know where you are, and who I am by now, you are a different level of stupid,” Joe spoke in a low deadly voice, but he avoided at the man’s eyes. There was something familiar about them. For some insane reason, the man no longer looked scared, he looked calmer, his eyes searching for something in Joe. Joe and Stein had a sort of stare off, Joe half expecting him to beg, but he didn’t. Finally feeling unusually uncomfortable, and realizing that he still had handful of the man’s hair, he dropped the man’s roughly, and stood up.  


He motioned to his men, and made a gesture, which the men understood well. Even Iris had inkling of what was about to happen.  


A scream suddenly echoed throughout the room.  


“DAAAD!”  


Joe whirled to look at his daughter, thrown off by the intensity of the scream. The rage in that scream was uncommon for a ten year old, and momentarily silenced everyone.  


Nervously Joe walked towards her daughter, hand reaching out to her. But she pushed it away, and strode past her surprised father toward Stein. She paused and looked at Gordon, shaking her head in disappointed, he shifted uneasily, not sure what was going on. Then she bent down, and placed a gentle hand on Stein's forehead brushing his hair away from his face.  


“I am sorry. My dad is also bad at jokes.”  


Her shy innocence so different from her father's, pushed Stein to laugh despite the situation. It echoed pleasantly bouncing across the room, and was soon joined in by Iris’s. Iris almost cried then, glad that he didn’t hate her.  


They didn’t pay attention to the other people in the room, just as well, because their perplexed expression would have sent the new friends into hysterics.  


Joe gazed between his daughter and the strange man on the floor, and his face relaxed slightly. It has been a while since his daughter had laughed that hard.  


After Iris stammered through her explanation of what had happened, everything changed between Joe and his daughter.  


The shame he felt for not having noticed that his daughter had left the house for more than an hour, would never leave him. It pushed him to be a better father, and he used it as a bitter reminder to himself that his daughter would have to always come first. For the most part this sudden protectiveness and closeness made the father-daughter duo stronger.

That night, with Iris sleeping beside him, Joe dreamed of that first time he had seen Francine at the park.


	12. Checkmate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “In the space between chaos and shape there was another chance.” ― Jeanette Winterson

A month had passed since Iris’s little adventure.  


Joe stood nervously in front of a rather unintimidating medium sized, brown wooden door. A student walked past him, throwing him a curious look, then a few more students gawked at the man staring intensely at a door. Finally tired of glaring back at nosy students, Joe knocked on Professor Stein’s door.  


“Come in,” the voice said softly. Joe’s heart jumped a little bit.  


When he entered, Martin was marking some papers, his head bowed. He waved him not looking up.  


“These aren’t obviously my office hours, but sit, sit.”  


Joe shifted his feet awkwardly and cleared his throat.  


“I am here to apologize,” he said, and to his pleasant surprise, his voice sounded calm.  


Stein’s hand stilled, then he slowly raised his head, his face gaping when he saw that Joe West was standing in front of him. Stein tried to calm his suddenly electrified nerves. He was torn between wariness and curiosity. He put his pen down, and put on his best teacher face.  


“I see,” was all he said, his voice monotone.  


Joe regarded at Stein. Stein looked completely different, he had on glasses and he had cut his hair, which was slid back, making him look like he had crawled out of 1970s movie, and all he was missing was jacket to swing across his shoulder, and a cigarette to hang loosely on his lips. Because of Iris, Joe had watched Grease an embarrassing amount of times.  


Joe sighed, uncomfortable with the whole situation. But he had promised his daughter.  


If it had been up to him, he would have sent someone else to apologize on behalf of the gang. He didn’t understand why he had to do it. He was the leader for heaven’s sake. And he hadn’t apologized to anyone, besides Iris, since…well since, Francine. The unexpected memory of Francine jolted him, and he was suddenly tired, and somber. Stein noticed the shadow of sadness that descended on Joe, and it was his turn to feel uncomfortable.  


“You don’t have to apologize you know. Your men just did what I assumed they are meant to do when a stranger intrudes into your home,” Stein said reassuring Joe. Stein realized that he was comforting Joe, a man who had almost killed him, and felt a little foolish. He cleared his throat, and needlessly adjusted his glasses.  


To Stein’s surprise, Joe smiled, and the image he had created of him in his head after the first encounter crumbled. He no long saw a monster, a gang boss who could not be trusted, but a tall lean dark skinned man, wearing a titled fedora, with intense eyes, and a bright smile. Then to his horror, Stein felt himself start to blush. And fight it as he tried, he found himself smiling back.  


Joe noted Stein’s sudden change of demeanor and relaxed. He was used to people being afraid of him, and Stein didn't look like he was scared of him. Gaining more confidence, Joe walked over and stretched out his hand. He hadn’t meant to smile, he rarely smiled in front of strangers, but he felt inexplicably at ease in the presence of the professor.  


“No. I am sorry on behalf of myself and the gang, we usually try to keep violence at a minimum,” he said firmly, his hand still stretched out. For a split second he thought that Stein would reject his apology, but Stein grabbed his hand, and shook it amicably. Then both men parted, not sure how to proceed. After a few uncomfortable seconds, Joe nodded to himself.  


“Okay then Professor Stein. We will keep out of your way.”  


Joe gave the professor a nod and tilted his fedora respectfully, before heading out. 

Professor Stein nodded feeling relieved, he didn’t want to be associated with any gang, even if he had grown fond of the clever young Iris. He was just a professor, he didn’t particularly like adventures, or socializing, or people, especially criminally-inclined people. He liked physics, his lab experiments, and his many books. He thrived in simplicity.  


Which is why Martin Stein was shocked when he heard himself speak up just as Joe West opened the door, “do you know how to play chess?”  


Joe West turned around, as shocked by the outburst as Stein, then another unexpectedly he smiled, “No.”


	13. Say it again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “A girl should be two things: who and what she wants.” ― Coco Chanel

Iris had never really liked her first name, Iris. She preferred to be called Fran because silly as it might sound, it made her feel closer to her mother. Like maybe despite everything, they were still somehow bonded to each other. So although she couldn’t force his father or Gordon and now Stein from calling her Iris, she made sure that everyone in her school called her Fran. And whenever someone slipped and called her Iris, she would raise hell. And at her age, Iris had the spunk of her mother, and the stubbornness of her father, so she could raise a special kind of hell that most people preferred to avoid.  


One day during lunch, when she was eleven years old, her best friend, Barry Allen, slipped and said the name.  


Iris.  


She stopped in the middle of eating her apple and stared at him. Kara munched on her carrot nervously, eyes flickering from Barry to Iris. Kara braced for the usual storm that followed when someone called Iris by her first name. Kara had over the years, learned the art of blending in with her surroundings, making people forget that she was there.  


Then realizing what he had called her, Barry’s eyes widened, and he ducked his head, cheeks flaming.  


“Sorry Fran. I am so sorry. It just slipped out,” he stammered his round glasses falling on his nose. He started to get up, embarrassed, and somehow disappointed, because it had felt so right.  


Iris raised her hand, and shook her head feeling light-headed. Barry stood still unsure whether he should leave or stay. Finally Iris raised her eyes at him, she didn’t look angry, which should have made Barry Allen feel better, but it didn’t. He stood on his guard.  


Iris shrugged feeling inexplicably embarrassed. She cleared her throat.  


“It’s okay.”  


Barry breathed a sigh of relief and sat back down, clutching his heart dramatically. He picked up his sandwich and continued munching on it, sneaking in words between each swallow.  


“Boy! Don’t worry. I will never call you that again Fran,” but even as he said the name, it felt strange. Even though he was used to saying it, to him, Iris sounded better…right. But he kept quiet and munched his sandwich thoughtfully.  


Suddenly Iris slapped a hand on the table, startling both Kara and Barry, and the table next to them.  


She bit her lip and looked everywhere but Barry.  


“I like it.”  


Barry stared at her stupefied, while Kara attacked another carrot, eyes flickering between Iris and Barry.  


“Like what?”  


Iris gritted her teeth, trying not to be swept away by her embarrassment.  


“I like it when you call me Iris, Bear,” it was the first time she had ever called him by a nickname. It surprised both of them.  


Finally Iris gathered enough courage to look at the shy boy with glasses that were too big for him, and the kindest green eyes she had ever seen, and found that he was smiling.  


“I like calling you Iris,” he replied softly, his face a rosy shade of pink. Then he hesitated and adjusted his glasses, before adding, “And I like it when you call me Bear.”  


The two 11 year olds gazed at each other. Not fully understanding what was happening, but knowing it was important.  


“Can I call you Iris too?” Kara asked interrupting the moment, deciding that it was safe to come out. Iris threw her a glance, then shrugged.  


“Fine you can call me Iris too.”  


Kara giggled and placed a quick kiss on her friend's cheek. Then Iris saw her friend reach for her hair, and her eyes widened, and she quickly grabbed Kara’s hand in her hers.  


“Actually. No. You can call me Iris, if and only if, you stop chewing your hair,” Iris said firmly. Kara let out a whiny sound.  


“Sounds fair,” Barry said nodding in agreement with Iris.  


Kara rolled her eyes, of course he would agree with Iris, she thought to herself. Then she picked up another baby carrot and started to chew it angrily. Iris unfazed by her small tantrum, waited for her answer.  


“Fiiine Iris. Jeez!” Kara finally said relenting. Iris flicked her nose happily, and grabbed the carrot from her.  


And just like that, Fran was Iris. It didn’t take long for the whole class to catch on. And Iris realized that she didn’t feel any less connected to her mother. Her mother would always be her mom, no matter what name she used.  


And although from that point on nearly everyone called her Iris, she still liked hearing it from Barry the most.


	14. Nakama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?”  
> ― A.A. Milne

Joe was a simple man. Well as simple as a man like him could be. The years hadn’t changed him. Maybe physically, but intrinsically he still valued the same things as he had since he was working under Merlyn. He liked the simplicity of orders. And he loved his daughter unconditionally. He also knew they were a few men in his gang that he could trust, number one on that list was Gordon. It is not that he didn’t trust his other men, but basically, if he was forced to admit, Gordon was like his brother.  


His relationship with Gordon was effortless. He had known him from the beginning. They had never really interacted when Merlyn had been boss, but after Joe had become boss he had found himself relying on Gordon more often than the others. He liked how uncomplicated Gordon was. They were both very similar in that manner, and both men had principles that they rarely bent for anyone. Gordon was also a father of a teenage girl, Betty. And although Gordon was no longer with Betty’s mother, every once in a while he would go visit them in Gotham, or and at time Betty would come to visit him in Silver City.  


Iris idolized Gordon's slim tom-boyish red-haired daughter. When Iris had been younger, she would follow Betty around wanting to push her wheelchair, even though it was electric. As an infant, Betty had been diagnosed with poliomyelitis that had left her in a wheelchair. Iris didn't find it weird that Betty was in a wheelchair, in fact for the most part, she had also wanted one. She had wanted to be just like Betty. Betty was the smartest person Iris knew, and she would stare at her in awe as she typed weird symbols things on her laptop, ‘codes,’ Betty would tell her after a while. But Iris never cared much about her 'codes' she just wanted to braid her flaming red hair, push her around in her wheelchair, then bake cookies with her, in that order. Now whenever Gordon or her father brought up her obsession with Betty, Iris would groan in embarrassment. But Iris still adored her, and made sure to visit Gordon whenever Betty came to visit. Joe adored Betty almost as much as Iris, and would have to control his giddiness whenever Betty called him Uncle Joe.  


So, the fatherhood connection was another thing the Joe and Gordon shared. They both understood that fatherhood changed something in a person, and that shared connection, cemented their bond.  


However, with Stein, things escalated quickly, in a manner that Joe wasn’t entirely comfortable with. One minute he was sitting in Stein’s office learning chess, and a year later, Stein might as well had been in the gang, with how frequently he dropped by his house.  


There was nothing about Stein that he could compare himself with. Sometimes, when Stein started his ‘did you know’ session, in which he would tell Joe interesting facts about Elon Musk, electromagnetism, theory of relativity, and his favorite topic: transmutation, Joe would finally give up nodding absently and look at the man lying on his couch, waving his hand frantically, face animated, and Joe would shake his head, momentarily questioning why he was now on such good terms with the strangest and biggest nerd in the universe. When had that happened?  


Stein always managed to guess whenever Joe started to question his presence in his life. It wasn’t hard to guess, because sometimes Stein would look up from talking about some interesting new topic in physics, to find Joe squinting at him suspiciously, shaking his head in disbelief. And Stein would roll his eyes and remind him, “Because your daughter really likes me. And I give you access to college girls.”  


Joe would nod slowly, seemingly satisfied with the reason (more or less), and go back to looking at Knights Club accounts or whatever else he would be doing at the moment. It made sense, in a way. His daughter was his whole world, and if she adored Stein, then there was something in Stein that was worth keeping close. He also frequently found himself in Stein’s office playing chess whenever he was feeling stressed. Not because of college girls. He had no interest in college girls. The women he met at the club were enough. He was currently interested in one of the club’s live singers, Cecile. She was stunning, petite and had the fiercest personality. Despite himself, he liked her, but he kept his distance, not ready to enter in any sort of relationship.  


As strange as his friendship with Stein was, Joe always found himself dragging Stein into his shenanigans. Especially since he thought that Stein led the most boring life in the world.  


Tonight Joe was determined to get Stein out of the house, he couldn’t remember the last time Stein had been out clubbing. And he felt especially motivated since he was drunk. Iris was at a sleepover at Kara’s, whose parents he trusted wholeheartedly, although they weren’t entirely comfortable with him. Which meant that he had the whole night to drink, sing and dance, and he was damn sure going to do all that with Stein in tow.  


He peered at his phone, staggering a little. Suddenly Gordon grabbed the phone out of his hand, and he made a weak sound of protest.  


“Shush. Let me call him. Or we will be here forever and I am way too sober TO BE OUT IN THE COLD,” Gordon slurred beside him. Joe laughed quietly, Gordon was definitely not sober. They both waited impatiently as the phone rang. Finally, Joe heard Stein’s groggy voice speak through the phone. He leaned into Gordon to hear what Stein was saying, but Gordon pushed him away, hand on his face.  


“Joe, I am not going out for drinks with you or Gordon or whoever else. No way. Not tonight. ”  


Joe pouted sadly, it was getting harder to convince Stein to leave his house. He always made excuses about not wanting to show up to his classes with a hangover.  


Gordon threw Joe a long unbelieving glance, Joe rolled his eyes in response and shrugged. He was already losing some of the excitement he had for the night. But then Gordon grinned wickedly, and put a finger on his mouth before placing the phone back on his ear.  


“Hey no. This isn’t Joe. I guess it’s the man lying here on the floor bleeding. Your friend asked me to call you instead of the ambulance before he passed out,” a panicked Gordon exclaimed in the best female voice Joe had ever heard come out a man. He almost burst out laughing, but Gordon threw him a wicked smile, and put a finger on his mouth again.  


He heard Stein gasp, “Oh Jesus fuckin shit! Where are you?” The sheer fright in Stein’s voice, almost made Joe regret what they were doing. Almost. Gordon paused for a moment, his mouth open in awe as if realizing something. They both couldn’t remember ever hearing Stein curse, it was interesting. Joe ignored the way his heart skipped at hearing obscenities come out of the usual polite professor.  


“Where the fuck are you?!” Stein yelled panic coating every word. Gordon was startled out of his surprise and replied tearfully, “near the entrance of S.T.A.R University. Hurry.” The phone immediately went dead. Gordon stared at the phone and back at Joe, then they started laughing.  


“He is going to kill us! He will turn us into a weird chemistry experiment,” Joe exclaimed breathless from laughter. Gordon leaned on the wall behind him, trying to collect himself. Gordon’s face turned somber and he turned to look at Joe.  


“We’ve known Stein for over a year now and I have never heard him curse,” Gordon admitted looking up at the dark sky. There weren’t many stars out. Joe also gazed up at the sky nearly tripping on himself.  


“Yeah. Me neither. Sometimes it feel like I’ve known him for longer than a year,” Joe mumbled. Gordon looked across at his Joe and smiled.  


“Yeah. I didn’t like him at first, but now…I can’t imagine the two of us without him,” Gordon said looping an arm around Joe’s slightly slumped shoulders. They were both around the same height, with Joe being slightly taller.  


Joe was about to hug Gordon, when they both heard Stein yelling out his name.  


Gordon shot Joe a worried look.  


“Shit. The idiot is going to wake the neighborhood. Then kill us.”  


For two people in a gang, Gordon and Joe looked surprisingly nervous, standing awkwardly and waiting for Stein to reach them.  


Suddenly Gordon had an idea.  


\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


By the time the three men got to the club, Joe and Gordon were rubbing their cheeks wincing, and Stein was stretching out his fingers. Stein wasn’t as angry anymore, but he kept glowering at his two drunk friends. Joe and Gordon kept throwing him unconvincing apologetic smiles.  


Apparently, Gordon’s idea to have Joe face first on the floor when Stein got to them, then for Gordon to scare Stein by jumping out and tickle him while he checked was a terrible. So terrible in fact that it had nearly cost Gordon and Joe broken noses.  


“Don’t be mad Stein. It was just a stupid joke. A very stupid joke. We just wanted you to hang out with us,” Joe pleaded, as he entered the club. Stein raised his fist ready to strike again, but the bouncer held Stein by his jacket and pulled him back roughly.  


Joe shook his head at the bouncer smiling, “it’s okay he is with me. And has permission to hit me.” The huge bouncer looked at his boss surprised, then back at the slim white man. Not understanding.  


Gordon patted the bouncer’s enormous back reassuringly and entered the club shouting, “Love not war Gideon!”  


Some people in the club cheered in response and Joe saw Stein begin to relax as he entered the club. He ducked his head smiling proudly.  


Knights Club was probably the safest place in the entire city. It was a place most gang members came to have a good time. A few years back, Joe had proposed that the gangs have one place that meant a complete truce. A place where you didn’t have to worry about getting stabbed in the back, attacked, or shot. And to his surprise it seemed like all the rival gangs were eager for a place just like that. Eventually after months of discussion, the safe haven was born. There were a few spats at the beginning, but harsh punishment were executed if any violence took place within and around the club. After a year, there were rarely any incidences. And now five years later, it was impossible to spot which gang member was from where. Joe had always credited the club for calming things down in the city. There was a peace that hadn’t been there in a while. It wasn’t perfect, but there hadn’t been any gang wars after the one in which Merlyn had died. Which was perfectly fine with everyone, even the more blood thirsty gangs.  


Joe made his way into his club, and got a few nods, and pats on the shoulder. He grinned back swaggering a little bit. On the stage Cecile was swaying, glittering in black her tight fitting dress. Her black hair was coiled on top of her head in a complicated bun-thing that Joe wasn’t in the right state to decipher. But she looked beautiful, her brown skin glowing under the stage light, and her red lips whispering out a song that was turning everyone into mush. She noticed him and winked, and he nearly giggled. Nearly.  


Then he spotted Gordon at the bar, he was lecturing the new bartender. Joe couldn’t hear what he was saying, but he was probably giving him tips. Gordon sometimes worked at the bar, and was the best bartender they had. Stein was sitting on a stool opposite them rolling his eyes, and dawning a glass of liquor.  


“Let’s drink to friendship! Next round on me!” Joe announced clapping Stein on the back. Gordon turned to him giving him a thumbs swaying like a leaf on a stormy day. He was definitely drunk now.  


“FuckuyaJoedaman!” he yelled back incomprehensibly. Joe nodded not understanding anything. Joe suddenly pitied the bartender. He looked miserable. Joe turned to Stein warily.  


“You still mad?” he asked cautiously, leaning into his personal space. Stein didn’t look at him. But he held up his empty glass.  


“Yes. But if you get enough drinks in me, I might forget that I am.”  


Joe grinned, then walked towards the new bartender. He recognized who it was, Bart, he was one of the youngest members of the gang. He was doe-eyed with curly brown hair, and freckles that were scattered over his soft round face. Joe momentarily wondered why they had accepted a puppy into their gang. Joe shook his head, and pulled Bart’s head towards his, nearly smashing their foreheads together, then he pointed at a confused Stein beside him.  


“You see this man over here. Yes, this nerdboy, with the glasses, who looks like he doesn’t belong here. Give him as many drinks as you can, and put it on my tab,” Joe slurred firmly. Bart nodded in understanding and tried to pull his head away, but Joe held it in place.  


“If he isn’t drunk in a few minutes. You will lose fingers,” he said as threatening as he could in his drunken state.  


He was joking of course, but knowing that Bart was a new member of the gang, he figured he had no idea that he was. Merlyn still had a reputation, even though things had changed over the years. And he was right, Bart nodded quickly a look of fright in his eyes. Joe patted his head affectionately, he looked like a great kid. Next to them Gordon was chuckling.  


“Joemanwhyliartozielad?” Gordon said giggling now. Joe nodded slowly hoping he was agreeing to something not too stupid because he couldn’t start decoding Gordon’s sentence.  


After a few minutes, Bart handed Stein a drink, Stein groaned, his glasses slipping down to his nose.  


“I will probably regret this in a few hours, and again tomorrow during my lecture.”  


Joe looked at the dangerous concoction Bart had just given Stein. It was the Merlyn. It was infamous for tasting sweet and light, but mentally screwing you in less than ten minutes. Joe threw a glance at Bart, nodding approvingly. Bart smiled warily, looking less frightened. Gordon looped his arm around the young man and rubbed his curls affectionately.  


Joe leaned over, his face too close to Stein’s. Then he removed the other man’s glasses, and stared right into his brown eyes. In front of him he heard Gordon gasp and mutter, “kiss.” Joe reached for a plastic cup, and threw it in what he hoped was Gordon’s location, his eyes never leaving Stein’s. Stein looked a little embarrassed, his face red.  
“I will take your glasses and put them in a safe place,” Joe finally said to Stein. Stein nodded numbly.  


“I am kind of blind though,” Stein admitted, leaning backward. Joe was definitely way too close. Joe not getting the hint followed him again, and threw another cup, this time a glass one at Gordon when he heard him mutter, “K-I-S-S.” He heard the cup shatter on the floor.  


He ignored Gordon’s yelp of pain, “Bart says that you will pay for these broken cups!” Joe flamboyantly flicked Gordon the middle finger and turned back to an amused Stein, and reassured him.  


“Better than losing them, remember last time?”  


Stein nodded, and Joe gingerly took off his glasses, Stein realized that he could have removed them himself, but…Not knowing where his train of thought was taking him, he decided to scan the much blurrier world around him, squinting slightly. He shrugged, and gulped down his drink bravely, and was shocked at how sweet it was. He smacked his mouth and smiled.  


“I like this. Can I get another one?”  


Joe grinned, and turned back to the young bartender, “get this man another one.” Joe gave Stein a look that Stein immediately didn't trust. He squinted at Joe suspiciously and blanched when Joe leaned into his space again after Stein had gulped his third cup of The Merlyn, and said with a laugh, “you are fucked.”  


In an hour Stein was wasted. More wasted than he had ever been in his whole life. But at least he didn’t have his glasses to see what the world thought of his extremely drunken state.


	15. Duet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was no one to call me to bed, no one to demand that the rhythms of my life operate in a duet.-Nicole Krauss

Everything was a blur. He lost track of time. And lost Joe and Gordon, and found himself amongst a group of bearded tattooed burly men. He didn’t remember what they talked about, but they found him very funny. And by the time he left them they had nickname for him; firestorm. He didn’t know why, he couldn’t remember.  


Then Stein was dancing with a girl. She was beautiful, with blonde hair, and the sweetest smile. He liked her, but they were both drunk so they couldn’t have a decent conversation. He didn’t know what he told her, and could barely remember what she said but they were having a great time.  


At some point he spotted Joe, who was guffawing next to a tall dark-skinned fierce looking suited woman, with an afro. The woman had a thin smile, but seemed to be enjoying herself. Stein waved at Joe, and was disappointed when he didn’t notice him. To his surprise, the fierce lady leaned down and whispered to Joe pointing in Stein’s direction. Joe looked momentarily flustered and gave her the middle finger before turning around. Seeing Stein, Joe broke into a laugh and waddled over to his friend.  


He looped an arm around Stein, and pulled him close, so he could whisper something into his ear.  


“That intense lady over there is Amanda. She could break both my arms if she wanted. She is so hot,” Joe said very slowly with an extremely thick slur.  


Stein’s eyes widened and he held Joe’s by his waist, trying to gain some sort of balance.  


“I know how to kill a person with just soap and a straw,” Stein managed, hiccupping a little.  


Joe looked at his friend, impressed, and whispered, “damn.”  


Then Joe noticed the blonde woman behind Stein, and winked or blinked at Stein.  


“Who is the hottie?  


Stein blushed, and glanced around, the woman waved at him, and he waved back shyly, turning back around leaning to talk to Joe amidst the noise.  


“I don’t know. But she likes science. I think.”  


Joe did a half giggle, half laugh thing that Stein had never heard before. Stein watched grinning foolishly, and regretted that he might not be able to remember the moment. It seemed so natural like Joe had always meant to be a giggler, Stein wondered why he wasn’t, and started to feel sad.  


“I made myself sad,” Stein admitted out loud. Joe stopped laughing and looked down at his friend, and he did look a little sad. Joe frowned.  


“Well. We are having none of that.“ Then he was gone.  


Next thing Stein knew, Joe was talking to the blonde woman. Despite his drunken state, he managed to share Stein’s number, and he ushered Stein over.  


“Stein. This is Clarissa. She is a scientist on something- she told me but I tuned her out. I have given her your number, and I have hers, just in case you wake up tomorrow with no memory of this night,” Joe said proudly.  


Stein opened his mouth to tell him that, he wasn’t sad about Clarissa but before he said anything, Joe was gone again.  


The rest of the night passed in a drunken blur, and he was shirtless by the time he met Joe again. He watched in horror, letting go of Clarissa’s hand as Joe stumbled up the stage. Stein staggered forward ready to try and stop him from embarrassing himself. But he must been a good singer because suddenly everyone in the club was cheering. He stopped short then, and relaxed, maybe they knew something he didn’t. He had never seen Joe sing.   


He suddenly felt arms around his waist. He turned around to see Gordon. He flayed confused. But then, Gordon motioned for a little help, and Stein found himself being carried towards the stage.  


The next thing he knew he was standing with Joe, shirtless, spotlight on him. Perhaps it was the extreme alcohol but he wasn’t as nervous as he expected, despite the fact that he had never sang in front of people before. In the distance he heard, someone cheering for him.  


“Sing firestorm Sing!”  


Stein grinned feeling unexpectedly shy.  


But as soon as Joe started in a low soft beautiful voice, Stein joined instinctively.  


Both men sang “Somewhere over the Rainbow” drunk as hell, but still managed to remember all the words. They stood right next to each other, alternating between looking at each other, and the entranced crowd.  


When they finished singing, they stood on the lit stage staring at each other. The moment was interrupted when Cecile walked behind Joe and pulled him down by his shirt so that he could meet her lips. She tasted like strawberry and Pina colada. Joe dropped the microphone and happily returned the kiss nearly lifting her off the floor.  
The club exploded in whistles and cheers, and Stein picked up the microphone and started singing again. He winked at Clarissa who stood in the crowd, smiling. She blushed and waved at him.  


After that, really it would be a lie to say that Stein remembered anything that happened.  


-  
In a few hours Stein found himself on his bed, shirtless and stinky. The alarm nearly splitting his head apart. He groaned loudly.  


“I am fucked” he whispered as angrily as he could. He couldn’t remember how he had gotten home.  


He slowly climbed out his bed, trying to pull himself together, the world whirling beneath him.  


He looked at the time, 8:00 AM. His first class was at 11:00 AM. It gave him enough time to look halfway presentable in front of his students. The thought of doing a class with loud human beings suddenly upset his stomach and he rushed into the bathroom, letting go of whatever was left in his stomach.  


“He is throwing up again. Your turn Joe,” a rough voice came from Stein’s living room. He heard Joe groan.  


“Ah fine, fine. Next time we dump him with his new girlfriend, so she can take care of him,” Joe whined.  


Stein wanted to scream and punch both men with iron fists. He felt a hand on his back.  


“There there Stein. Puke it all out. Disgusting as it is.”  


Stein gritted his teeth, “I am,” he paused and heaved into the toilet bowl. Then attempted to continue, “never going,” once again he was interrupting by a flow of water from his mouth. He coughed fitfully, Joe’s hand on his back. He tried one last time, because he needed to say it. “Drinking with you guys ever again,” he concluded and was relieved when nothing else attempted to climb up his throat. He sat down on the bathroom floor and closed his eyes, groaning.  


Joe seeing that his friend was a little bit better, ruffled his hair affectionately.  


“Oh. But that’s not true, especially now that I know how well you sing” Joe replied smiling at the memory of a shirtless Stein harmonizing with him on stage. His smile turned into a grin when he remembered Cecile’s lips on his.  


Stein would have protested, but he knew that Joe was right. He would be convinced out of his house again, because no matter how much he complained, with Joe and Gordon, he felt more alive.  


But Stein almost killed Joe, when by the door Joe muttered shyly, “I don’t remember where I put your glasses.”


	16. Pretty Woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Pretty woman, I don't believe you, you're not the truth. No one could look as good as you, mercy." - Roy Orbison

Joe didn’t notice the signs of love. Admittedly, he wasn’t the most observant man when it came to matters of love. He forgot the concept existed to be honest. He figured for him, it had disappeared along with Fran, and he was perfectly comfortable with that. He had Iris, his men, his business, and that was probably enough.  


When Iris fell in love, he didn’t see it. When she started putting on lip gloss, started paying more attention to her clothes, he didn’t put two and two together. And when she started to get protective about her room, and her diaries, he figured it was normal teenager things. She was now thirteen after all. He figured the best to do was to pull away to let her figure things out herself. Which was a mistake, because Iris had no mother to talk to, but Joe could be a dense man.  


So thankfully Stein was part of their lives now. And he was a very observant man, and he was used to dealing with the ‘youngsters’ as Stein liked to call anyone who was less than 30 years old.  


Iris was sitting in Stein’s office doing her homework. She wasn’t a stranger to his office, she frequently passed by Stein’s if she wanted a quiet place to do her homework. Her father didn’t like how much they both relied on Stein’s company, but Iris refused to listen to him whenever he suggested they cut down their visits to Stein’s office.  


It was Thursday, which meant Stein’s afternoon was entirely free. He could have gone home to work on his paper but he knew that Iris came over to see her on Thursdays.  


The room remained quiet except for the sound of Stein polishing his chess pieces. Iris noted that it was something he liked to do when he was feeling relaxed. As she tackled her math homework, she squirmed in her sit, sighing frequently.  


Finally Stein put down a bishop with raised an eyebrow; he regarded Iris, his mouth twitching in amusement.  


“Iris. What it is it?”  


Iris smiled and shrugged, glad that Stein had caught on. She thought of how to formulate the question. She trusted Stein implicitly, so his words had a big impact in her life.  


“Do you think I am pretty?!” she finally blurted out, daring not to look at him. Her eyes shut tight, blocking away the little embarrassment that was trying to creep up her chest.  


Stein resumed polishing his pieces quietly, and eventually Iris opened one eye wondering why he was taking so long to reply. When Stein remained quiet, she opened both eyes and pouted, irritated.  


“well…?” she implored, embarrassment vanished replaced by impatience.  


Stein put his black queen down, and rested his head on his side on his hand, examining Iris with a fond smile. As he examined Iris, Iris couldn’t but do the same thing, suddenly seeing the changes in Stein.  


The change from the first time she had met him, two years back, was impeccable. He was no longer so skinny, but he was still slim, but it was healthy. Stein also had deeper laughing lines that were more pronounced because of the way his hair was slid back. You also got better view of his brown eyes, which were now hidden behind round glasses more often than not. The first time Kara had met Stein, she had told Iris that his face looked like it had been sculptured by gods. But Kara watched too many movies and tended to exaggerate things. Iris didn’t really understand what it meant to have a gods-sculptured face, but it probably had to do with the attention Stein tended to draw from both women and men.  


Iris especially liked to watch females and sometimes men gape, their brain short wiring, whenever her father, Gordon and Stein were together, torn between the three different but equally handsome men. And perhaps the reason they all got along so well was because they were oblivious to the effect they had on people. Gordon had some inkling, but didn’t pay attention to it, but her father, and especially Stein were a special case of obliviousness.  


“Of course,” his voice interrupted her thoughts.  


Iris blinked surprised. She had been expecting something along those line. But the-matter-of-fact way he said it threw her off. She glared at him suspiciously, not trusting his small knowing smile.  


“You are not saying that because I am Joe’s daughter right? You are not just saying that?”  


Stein picked up his a white knight and started cleaning it.  


“No. I am not just saying that. And I don’t think you should ever question your looks again, no matter what anyone says. You are a very pretty young lady,” he added with a full smile now. He placed the knight on the chess board, the board was almost complete.  


Iris grinned relieved.  


“I wasn’t sure. I thought maybe…”  


She didn’t finish her sentence because Stein spoke up again, “but being pretty is easy Iris. What you should always try to be, is a beautiful human being. Kind, brave, and compassionate. Always be the girl who shared her candy with me,” he concluded an affectionate smile on his face.  


Gripped by sudden affection, Iris stood up suddenly, walked towards Stein, and placed a quick kiss on the cheek of the professor.  


“And you should always be here, because you are family,” she mumbled feeling teary and emotional. Stein was also starting to contract her emotions, and they both looked like they would start crying. But Stein coughed, allowing both of them to collect themselves. She threw him a grin before going back to her homework.  


Stein chuckled quietly, still reeling from emotion. He carefully cleaned the last piece. He looked at his young friend, and immediately knew where this question had come from.  


“But you have to also promise me something. To be careful. Follow your heart, but always listen to your brain. Okay?” Stein prodded, trying not sound anxious. He remembered his teenage years, and how exhausting crushes could get.  


Iris almost blushed, and wondered if Stein knew that she had a massive crush on a boy in her class.  


It was Eddie Thawne.  


One of the most beautiful boy, she had ever met. The blonde tall boy that was her new obsession. Now whenever she started on about Eddie, Barry would groan and walk away clutching his head like he had a head ache, and Kara would just giggle, telling her to cool it with her obsession. But Iris insisted it was love.  


They settled back into peaceful silence. Stein lazily decided to grade papers. A few minutes into grading, he chuckled, some of his students were ridiculous. But mostly, it was a tedious process. He would have rather been playing chess, or out or even better yet, working on his research paper.  


There was a knock on his door, and he grinned relieved. He knew Joe’s knock very well. He was saved.  


Joe sauntered into the room, grinning when he saw Iris hunches over doing her math homework, a sour look on her face. He had never liked math either. But then again, he had never really gotten a chance to go to school. Which was something Stein kept bothering him about.  


He leaned down and placed a quick kiss in Iris’s hair, then ruffled her messy curls.  


He liked Iris’s hair. It made him proud to look at it, because after years of struggling, Joe had tamed the hair. He knew how to comb it, wash it, oil it, and how to braid it.  
Iris didn’t look up at her father, but let out an exaggerated sigh.  


“I am not a kid anymore. Stop messing up my hair dad.”  


Joe laughed heartily, and took a sit opposite Stein. For a moment he looked like a student ready for some Stein wisdom. He gave Stein a nod in greeting. Then swirled around in his chair, his attention immediately back to his daughter.  


“Are you going to stay and watch me wipe the floor with Stein? Or you are heading home? Gordon is outside, he is heading to the club, and doesn’t mind giving you a ride home,” he said shrugging.  


Iris contemplated but got out of her chair, and started to pack her bag. Noting her father’s disappointed face, she threw him a smile, rolling her eyes. .  


“You have never beaten Stein dad, why start today? And you shout a lot when you start losing, which is always.”  


Joe gave Iris a knowing smile, oozing with confidence. Stein bit back a laugh, but a smile was already stretching out his mouth. Joe ignored him, and focused on the back of his already retreating daughter.  


“Today is the day.”  


Iris just shook her head and continued out the room, not bothering to reply.  


Joe scoffed incredulously. And turned back around to the chess piece in front of him, trying to plot moves ahead of time. Stein pushed his paper aside, and leaned in glancing between the chess board and Joe.  


Before she left the room, she gave the pair a quick glance. There was something magical about watching her dad play chess, he became a different person. He was less guarded oddly enough, despite how much concentration he used to play the game. Joe would sit, hands on his lap, leaning forward in concentration, occasionally tapping her fingers on his lap. Stein was the definition of relaxed as well, and his usually hand both elbows on the table, head in between his hands. For some reason Iris felt a pang of envy, which she shook away confused, reminding herself that she also had a best friend, two best friends in fact. But it felt different watching Stein and Joe, it was like they had something that she suddenly wanted. She shook her head, and left the room feeling a bit weirded out.  


As soon as she left, Stein regarded Joe.  


“Your daughter needs a woman talk or something.”  


Joe frowned not understanding, still trying to figure out his game plan before they started playing. It frustrated Joe, just how serene Stein was about most things. The only time he got excitable was when he talked about his nerdy things, or when he had something interesting to tell Joe, which Joe found adorable.  


At the silent admission, Joe’s frown deepened. Adorable? Was that something other guys thought, he shrugged. It must be, because he found Stein’s behavior adorable quite a few times in a week. Joe felt himself get a bit flustered, and decided to concentrate on the gibberish Stein was talking about.  


“I am not understanding you” Joe admitted, throwing Stein a quick confused glance.  


Stein rolled his eyes, dense.  


“I mean, she needs a woman to talk to about things Joe. Things…like did you talk to her about menstruation”  


Joe was startled and he felt uncomfortable, like he was being interrogated by a cop.  


“Eeh. Not really. But her school talked to her about it. But I buy her pads whenever she starts.”  


Stein shook his head. “No Joe, she needs an actual person to talk to, about everything. Someone she knows and trusts.”  


Joe sighed feeling less like he was being interrogate, and now more like he was being lectured by a good intention grandparent, “fine. Cecile will do it.”  


Stein thought about it then agreed, Iris adored Cecile.  


“Good idea. And you should read up as well, you have a daughter you know, and you are single.”  


“Lay off me dad,” Joe said chuckling pleasantly. Stein folded his arms, frowning.  


“Well Iris is like a daughter to me too you know.”  


Joe looked up his face suddenly serious, “I know.”  


The honest reply from Joe threw Stein off, and he blinked rapidly. Feeling nervous under Joe’s careful gaze, he cleared his throat.  


“How are things with Cecile anyway?” Stein asked trying to lighten the mood.  


Joe brightened up, “She is hot, funny, sweet, and gets along with Iris. And is patient with me. I don’t deserve her. How are things with Clarissa?”  


Stein shrugged and smiled, “Great. She is great. She gets me. When I am with her it feels like I have known her for many years.”  


Both men were quiet then, not looking at each other. Joe opened his mouth to say something but he couldn’t think of what to say. So instead he moved his rookie. And men started playing chess in silence.  


Joe lost. Badly.  


He blamed it on the dim lighting, and voodoo, like he always did.


	17. First Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I am glad it cannot happen twice, the fever of first love. For it is a fever, and a burden, too, whatever the poets may say.”  
> ― Daphne du Maurier

Eddie didn’t turn out to be the love of Iris’s life. The dream of Eddie carrying her in his strong arms, kicking the door open to their new house, died only a few months after she started fantasizing about him. Because as Iris later found out, Eddie had no interest in her.  


Iris found out on an unspectacular Thursday, on the way to rugby practice. She didn’t particularly like playing rugby, she just did it for Kara, who loved the sport. She would have stayed with Barry, but he was in the science club, and between rugby and doing science for fun, she would have chosen getting knocked down every time. And she could never decide what she wanted to do, so she opted to follow Kara.  


As she trudged to the field, already feeling the sores that would appear on her arms, she heard voices coming from one of the empty classrooms near the field. More out of a desire to waste as much time as possible, than curiosity, Iris quietly walked towards the classroom. She was pleasantly surprised, when she spotted Eddie’s golden head in an empty classroom. She knew it Eddie because at this point she had memorized his head shape. Her heart started beating frantically, and she attempted to tidy up her curls. She quietly cleared her voice so she could greet him in her best pretty girl voice. Barry said it made her sound like a Barbie, but Iris didn’t listen to Barry when it came to anything involving with Eddie.  


Before she could enter, she heard another voice, she ducked and crawled close to the door. All she could see were feet. She recognized Eddie’s favorite blue and white converse sneakers, but she couldn’t place the dirty blue sneakers opposite Eddie’s.  


“Wait. You like me? ” the voice asked incredulously.  


“Yeaa pretty much,” Eddie’s voice admitted softly, sounding apprehensive.  


The other voice snickered in disbelief.  


“Don’t bullshit me Ed. The Golden boy is into me? Where are your friends with the cameras? You guys are about the Carrie me aren’t you?”  


Eddie cursed quietly and then there was silence, suddenly Iris saw Eddie’s feet advance towards the dirty blue shoes. Then she saw how close their feet were, a few seconds into the silence, the dirty blue shoes stepped closer, and were nearly in between Eddie’s. Then, she heard the sound of parting lips. She felt dizzy, and nauseous. Her heart was hurting in ways she didn’t think possible. But she remained in her position.  


“err you just kissed me,” the familiar voice croaked out hesitantly, sounding dazed.  


“I did, because I like like you, so tell me if you feel the same, because my heart is hurting right now. Just tell me Leo,” Eddie whispered, sounding desperate.  


Leo.  


Iris’s eyes widened in shock. Leonard Snart, who liked wearing a grey long parka even when it was hot. Leo, who was known to like playing pranks on Barry. Leo who everyone teased about being poor, until they met the fist of Mick, Leo’s brother. Quick-witted, snarky Leo, who she neither disliked nor liked. This would have been interesting, sweet even, if her own heart hadn’t felt like it was coming out through her mouth.  


A sound escaped Leo that she had never heard before, it was a happy laugh. The feet were still close together. Leo’s right foot lightly tapped Eddie’s in a teasing manner.  


“Really? I thought you liked Barry. And that’s why you kept staring at me whenever I was around you and your group of good-doers,” Leo said in a tone of disbelief.  


Eddie laughed, it was a pleasant sound. Eddie had the gentlest voice, and his laughter was just as warm. It was the main reason Iris had developed a crush on him.  


“Barry? God no. Is that why you keep messing with him?”  


Iris didn’t have to look to know that Leo was probably rubbing his shaven head, the way he usually did when he was embarrassed.  


“Well no, at first, I sort of liked him. With the big glasses, and goofy smile. Then, during our field trip to the zoo last year, you bought me ice cream, and I sort of forgot about Barry. And then it’s like I started to see you everywhere I went. Anyway, what about Iris? I thought that maybe…?” Leo let the question hang between them, still sounding like he didn’t believe anything that was happening.  


Eddie interrupted, “no. no. I am pretty sure Iris is not for me. I want to be with you. To be your boyfriend, if that is alright?”  


Iris didn’t stay to hear the giggle that escaped Leo when Eddie leaned in again and placed an innocent kiss on his lips, partly because she wanted to respect their privacy, and secondly because her heart was shattered, and tears were freely flowing down her face. It was her first heartbreak.  


Iris didn’t stay to hear Eddie and Leo finally part to catch their breath. It was their first kiss, and they both didn’t know how long you were supposed to stay with lips pressed together.  


“I don’t think we are doing the kissing thing right,” Leo admitted, half chuckling.  


“Probably not. But it feels nice,” Eddie replied happily his voice breaking into a wide smile.  


Leo gazed at the golden boy freely in a way that he hadn’t thought he was allowed to.  


“Good call by the way. Getting in between Iris and Barry, would get you killed. They seem like the stuff great romance novels are based on,” Leo said sarcastically, unable to contain the happiness that was slowly expanding in his chest. A part of him still couldn’t believe what was happening.  


“Not us?” Eddie said teasingly, wrapping his arm tighter around Leo and bringing him even closer. Until they were nose to nose.  


Leo sneered, and shook his head, trying not to get completely lost in Eddie’s starry green eyes.  


“Hell no,” then he added, bringing his forehead to Eddie’s so that they were leaning into each other, “I am a little fucked up you know. With a messed up family, and serious attitude problems. So I don’t know how long you will look at me like this.”  


Eddie raised his head, and placed a gentle kiss on Leo’s forehead, feeling an ache in his heart. Suddenly Eddie was afraid that Leo didn’t feel the way he did. Eddie was young he knew, and he probably didn’t know what love was like yet, but with Leo, he felt a sort of freedom that nothing had been able to give him for most of his thirteen years of existence. But before Eddie could begin his long soliloquy, Leo continued, leaning into his chest, his arms circling Eddie’s waist.  


“but I do like you Eddie Thawne. A lot.”  


Eddie grinned, and tightened his arms around Leo, hugging him close. Eddie closed his eyes, breathing in the parka boy, his skin felt distinctively cold on his cheek, but he felt just right. Eddie tried not to cry, emotion building up in chest. He had battled with who he was for a long time, trying to be the golden boy, and then when he had discovered that he might like guys, it had almost crushed him. Then one day, in fourth grade, Leo had accidentally spilled Eddie’s lunch. To his surprise, during lunch time, Leo begrudgingly gave him half his sandwich. And something had clicked for Eddie, and he suddenly found someone to fight for. It had taken him some time to work up the courage to confess to Leo, but it was all worth it just to hear Leo laugh.  


He didn’t say all this to the quiet boy in his arms, and instead smiled, “that’s good enough for me.”  


Iris missed all this. She was in the car on the way home, crying in the backseat of the car. The man who was driving kept glancing back at her worriedly. So she tried to cry as quietly as possible, to remain civil and collected. She was Iris West after all, daughter of Joe, leader of the Merlyn. She couldn't go around sobbing in the backseats of cars.   


But Iris cried loud and ugly when she was safely in her room. She bawled into her pillow until her voice was hoarse and her eyes were blood shot red. She mourned the loss of the perfect romance between her and Eddie. She cried because she had lost. She refused to leave her room. For a thirteen year old, it felt like her whole had just ended.  


After a while, there was a knock on her door. She ignored it. There was another knock. Iris sniffed, and yelled at the door, “leave me alone!”  


She waited for the person to leave. Then she heard a woman’s voice through the door. She froze mid sob confused.  


“Hey Iris, it’s Cecile, can I come in? I brought ice cream.”  


Iris perked up, feeling a little better already. Cecile was fun to talk to. When she opened the door, the beautiful small brown woman with the whitest teeth ever, stood in front of her, holding up two small cups of ice cream. Cecile gave the young red eyed girl in front her a tentative smile.  


“You want to tell me all about it?” Cecile asked softly. Iris smile widened just a little, but it was enough to confirm to Cecile that she wanted someone to talk to.  
Then the girls talked, ate ice cream, then Iris started crying again at some point. And when Cecile held her in her arms Iris couldn’t help but wish that Cecile was her mother. And that made her feel a little guilty.  


A few weeks later, Iris was fine. She couldn’t even remember why she had been so obsessed with Eddie in the first place. Seeing him with Leo felt right. And she couldn’t help but smile whenever she saw him and Leo casually brush hands during PE class.  


And Barry had gotten her a bolt-shaped necklace for her birthday that was perfect, and it made everything better.


	18. Butterflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” ― Maya Angelou

Joe didn’t like going on double dates with Stein and Clarissa. For some reason every time he went home with Cecile after the date, Cecile would get quiet and moody. But for some bizarre reason, nowadays Cecile wanted to go on double dates with Stein and Clarissa as often as possible.  


It was mentally exhausting.  


They had been dating for a year now. They had an easy going relationship, because of their mutual respect for each other. Everything seemed perfect until that first double date, two months prior. He didn’t know what had triggered it, maybe the way Stein and Clarissa seemed to read each other’s minds. Maybe Cecile wanted more from their relationship and was reminded of that whenever they were around the ‘perfect couple’ Stein and Clarissa. Joe couldn’t pinpoint what it was, but he officially disliked double dates.  


Joe and Cecile were now driving back from another seemingly pleasant double date, but the car was quiet, devoid of Cecile’s usual amusing chatter. Joe tensed and stilled himself. Finally, as they sat in traffic, Cecile spoke up.  


“You smile more now, did you know that? And you are much more relaxed,” Cecile said in a kind tone that Joe hadn’t expected. Joe threw her a quick look of surprise, he hadn’t expected the conversation to go like this. The red light signaled for them to stop.  


“Yeah?” he asked warily, unsure of what he was supposed to say. Cecile nodded, and reached and traced her finger across his cheek.  


“Yeah. You have slowly warmed up to the world. Probably started with Fran,” Cecile said softly, looking a little sad. They started driving again, and Joe felt a clench in his heart at the mention of Fran. It never really stopped, the missing her. Fran always crept into his thoughts, it used to be happen more frequently, but nowadays he could go a few days without mourning her.  


Joe nodded silently, he could have changed the subject, but decided against it. For a long time, he had run away from serious conversation. But Cecile encouraged him to talk, and dating her had opened up that part of him. He wasn’t used to sharing so much, but Cecile was usually unnaturally patient and persistent.  


“I remember Fran actually, a little. I remember seeing her with you, when I dropped by the club, before I sang there. You both looked so happy. I remember wishing then that I could…you know…find that. It’s probably one of the reasons I decided to sing, so that I could be seen better, cheat my way into an epic romance,” Cecile remembered woefully, an embarrassed smile on her face. Joe reached over and squeezed her hand, not just for comfort, but so that he could also remain steady, as the memories of Fran flooded in. He could almost smell her, and he remembered how much she had loved dancing, holding him close wearing a huge contagious grin. He nearly closed his eyes to surrender to the memory, but remembered he was driving.  


“But it never happened. My great cheat just led me to a lot of men, and none of them made my stomach hurt, my heart jump, and my palms sweaty, it was pretty depressing actually,” Cecile admitted solemnly.  


Joe realized that they were close to his house, but parked a few feet away, and turned to look at Cecile. He leaned over and kissed her gently on her ear. Cecile turned away from the window to face him, giving him a fond smile. Then she scooted backwards to lean back against the window, so she could have a better look at her boyfriend. She looked into his eyes, almost into his soul.  


“When you are with me, do you feel those emotions? That rush, that ache?” Cecile asked, eyes boring into his. She sounded vulnerable. Joe suddenly felt trapped. Was she breaking up with him?  


He reached over and grabbed her hand gently, almost desperately. Then he nodded fiercely. He needed her in his life. And he wanted whatever he said to ensure that.  


Midway through his third head bob, Cecile scoffed and withdrew her hand, folding her arms.  


“No. Don’t tell me what I want to hear, tell me what I am asking, and remember that I am a genius at reading you,” Cecile warned, her eyes narrowing.  


It was Joe’s turn to lean against the window, he closed his eyes for a moment, thinking.  


He was trying to analyze his relationship with Cecile.  


He knew he liked her. She was the first woman he had been involved in for a long period of time after Fran. She knew about his past, and his gang activities, and more importantly, she got along superbly with Iris. And her temper rivaled his. If he was honest with himself, she was absolutely out of his league. She was perfect.  


Despite all this, Joe couldn’t remember feeling that rush that she was talking about. Finally Joe shrugged, feeling guilty.  


“I don’t really feel that rush you are talking about, but it’s been so long that I don’t think I would recognize it even if I felt it.”  


Joe expected Cecile to snap at him, she didn’t often get angry, but she could be a fireball when she was. Instead she nodded, as if confirming something and even smiled a little.  


“I feel it sometimes but it’s not what I always dreamed it would be,” Cecile confessed, also looking guilty. But Joe nodded in agreement, then shrugged once again.  


“But it doesn’t matter. We are not teenagers. I am happy. And I don’t think I am at the age of explosive love,” Joe said with a laugh. Cecile laughed and shook her head, rolling her eyes.  


“You are in your early thirties. You make it sound like you are a hundred.”  


Joe shrugged. Sometimes he felt like he was. The two lovers gazed at each other, not angry, but relieved and content. Quite comfortable in each other. Then Cecile frowned, and leaned forward.  


“I hope you know that whatever happens with us I will always be there for you and Iris, and Merlyn’s gang. Hell even Gordon and Stein. This I promise,” Cecile said firmly, conviction giving her voice a baritone note.  


In that moment Joe loved her unconditionally. He felt a ball of warmth roll up from the tip of his toes to the top of his head. He grinned at her, and felt like giving her the whole world if she wanted. Joe doubted she realized the importance of what she had said to him. Cecile eyebrows raised and she grinned, then winked at him knowingly.  


“I didn’t realize you could look at me like that too,” Cecile said with amused wonder.  


Joe blinked confused.  


“What do you mean?”  


Cecile rolled her eyes, and pointed at the dark road in front of them.  


“You will figure it out. Now drive. Time for bed. Maybe some sexy time.”  


Joe laughed lightly, and threw her a lewd smile.  


“Oh yeah. Then you can do that thing with your-“  


Joe didn’t finish his crude sentence because Cecile playfully karate chopped his neck.  


“Drive you dirty old man.”


	19. Au revoir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” ― Bob Marley

Two months later, Joe and Cecile broke up. It was amicable, and respectful. Iris wasn’t happy about it at all, and it took a while for her to accept it. As promised Cecile didn’t stop hanging out with Iris and Joe. And Iris relaxed when she realized that just because Joe and Cecile had broken up, it didn’t mean that her relationship with Cecile was over. A part of Joe couldn’t help but think that in some alternate universe somewhere, they were together, and happy.  


A few weeks after Joe newly single life, Clarissa also left for a position in a biochemistry research facility in Ghana. And after a long reasonable conversation, Stein and Clarissa both realized that Stein couldn’t leave with her. They didn’t break up really Stein had corrected, they were doing the long distance thing. Gordon was not convinced.  


“Soo…she said let’s do long distance before she left?” Gordon questioned inspecting a packet of spaghetti before dropping into his basket. Gordon didn’t want to make too obvious, but he was glad that his two best friends were single again. He had avoided them when they had both been dating, so that they wouldn’t rope him into one of their silly double dates.  


Stein shuffled behind him looking forlorn. Sometimes Gordon and Stein shopped together, well Gordon usually dragged Stein to help him shop whenever his daughter was around. He liked to cook for his Betty. And ever since she had started university she came around more frequently.  


Stein shrugged slowly, then dropped some ginger in the basket.  


“Kind of,” he admitted.  


Gordon turned around, his eyebrows touching the ceiling, and shook his head.  


“What exactly did she say Stein?”  


Stein smiled a little, he liked the detergent aisle. There was something about the smell of laundry soap that calmed him.  


“Well, she said, that it wasn’t really over. That we could keep things open.”  


Gordon laughed lightly, and looked around, he didn’t need anything in the detergent aisle. What were they doing there? He turned around, and Gordon followed up looking even glummer.  


“Dick in a glass box,” Gordon muttered remembering a comedy skit he had watched with Chris Rock.  


“What?” Stein asked trudging behind him. Gordon was torn between punching him and sympathizing.  


“It’s not long distance. I think she kind of broke up with you man.”  


Stein was quiet, until finally Gordon turned around to make sure his friends wasn’t crying in the middle of a store. He wasn’t. He just looked like there was a cloud raining misery on him.  


“I thought so,” was all Stein said after a while.  


At the cashier, Stein watched the pretty South Asian-looking woman as she looked for their change. He was so focused, Gordon had to repeat his question twice.  


“I said, is Joe still sulking over Cecile?”  


Stein shrugged, he had his own heart break to deal with.  


“I don’t know. It's been two weeks already. I don’t think so. Maybe. You ask.”  


Gordon rolled his eyes, and thanked the cashier lady, giving her a quick win. She giggle prettily. Gordon made sure to read her tag name before walking away. Shado. It was a nice name. His mood was lifted, maybe tomorrow he would ask for her number. He almost started whistling, but remembered that there was a dejected Stein behind him, carrying some of his bags. He sighed.  


“You should come for dinner.”  


Stein looked up at Gordon, looking less glum.  


“Really?”  


Gordon almost told him, no, but looking at Stein’s miserable face he changed his mind.  


“Yess! I am sure Betty would love to see you. Then you guys can nerd out on things I don’t understand.”  


Stein actually smiled, which made Gordon a little less irritated.  


“But I am inviting Joe and Iris too. I don’t want to feel left out when you both nerd out. At least I will have cool people to talk to. And oh you are helping me cook Stein.”  


Stein didn’t comment. He felt a little better. It had been a while since they had all eaten dinner together.


	20. Free Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow - this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.”  
> ― Elizabeth Gilbert

Professor Martin Stein.  


Initially none of his students had known anything about the quiet genius that was their teacher.  


The first three years he taught at the University, he hadn’t really made friends with the teachers or any of the students. He was a very private man. You could usually catch him in one of three places, at the research lab, where he would spend hours with Professor Rusch working on some project or in his office. It was a rarity to see him outside, doing normal things like shopping…or even eating; which is why unbeknownst to Martin Stein, in those early days, his students placed bets on whoever would see him outside the campus during the semester.  


But they didn’t mind that, because he was one of the best science teachers at the school. When he sat on his desk, and spoke about the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum versus classical kinematics or any other topic, his students swore that it felt like you were listening to the greatest story of all time. So, although he was a private man, and could come off as cold, he was deeply respected by his students and colleagues.  


Then something changed.  


One an assuming day during the fall semester, some of his students saw a handsome tough looking black man with a leather jacket, and a fedora enter Professor Stein’s office. No one knew who he was, there were rumors that he was part of a gang. But no one believed that because in what world could shy, quiet Professor Stein be involved with anyone from a gang? But after that first mysterious visit, four years back, Professor Stein changed.  


He was still the best teacher when it came to learning about physics. A true physicist, as many of his colleagues called him, but everything else about him was drastically different.  


He laughed more for one, and he was freer with himself. He no longer got uncomfortable when his students made jokes at his expense, he would just retort with a geeky dad physics joke that would initiate groans from his students. He was also no longer such a private person, you saw him at the shop now, or the park, and sometimes even at the club. At first no one had believed Harley Q. when she said she had seen him at Knights Club. Harley was the unrivaled queen of pranks after all. But then Professor Stein had showed up that afternoon, clearly hang over, to teach class.  


It hadn’t been the last time, and everyone decided that they loved hang-over Professor Stein. He was adorable.  


But that’s how the gay rumors began as well. They started a few months after Stein met Joe and his daughter and quickly escalated when both would come visit him. The rumors stalled a little when he started dating Clarissa, but when they broke up, they picked up again. Two months after the breakup, the rumors were at their peak. With the rumors came some hurtful comments, and sometimes he would find derogatory words on his test papers, or slipped underneath his door into his office.  


So he wasn’t shocked when one day he found the words faggot spray painted on his office door. What shocked him was how many people were outraged by it.  


“Do you hear me Professor? We will do our very best to ensure that this doesn’t happen again. You have our apologies,” Dean Jessie Quick said soothingly, breaking Stein away from his thoughts. Stein nodded smiling at her reassuringly. He liked her, she was kind and smarter than him and he respected that. Next to him were two other professors, and he tried not to groan.  


Stein tried not to dislike anyone, but Professor Damien and Professor Eobard were two of a kind. Their blatant dislike for Stein made it hard for him not to dislike them. The only thing that stopped him from despising them was his begrudging respect for the two assholes. They were brilliant scientists. Professor Damien was famous for his groundbreaking book H.I.V.E on dark matter, while Professor Eobard was world-renowned for his research and many papers on Tachyons. Despite their fame, they both enjoyed teaching at S.T.A.R University, and would always come back for a semester or two. They were both best friends and rivals, and many students thought that they acted like a ‘cute married couple.’ But Stein knew that they were less of a cute married couple, and more like twins from hell, spawns of the Antichrist.  


Today, however both gentlemen were behaving with civility. And Stein couldn’t help but hide his surprise when Professor Damien spoke up in his favor.  


“I don’t like small minded people,” Professor Damien said with a shrug, frowning. He gave a side glance at Eobard who nodded in agreement. Stein was touched, but didn’t make a mistake of thanking them or acknowledging their kindness. He just nodded in agreement.  


He almost had a heart attack when after leaving Dean Jessie’s office, Eobard gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder, and Damien offered him a small smile. He stood rooted on the floor, mouth agape. Stein imagined that the devil blushing in hell, confused by the actions of his disciples.  


When he finally entered his classroom, he noted the glum looks of his students. He sighed. He really hadn’t expected that the hateful graffiti would affect those around him more than himself.  


Maybe it was the fatigue, or just the right time, but Professor decided to tell his students something he hadn’t said out loud in a long time.  
He put his briefcase on his desk, and jammed in his hands into his pockets. He paced a little, drawing some of his student’s attention. Then he sighed and shrugged helplessly.  


“I am bisexual,” Stein said clearly, and winced when the words echoed throughout the classroom. He saw that he now had his students’ undivided attention, and almost had the urge to crawl underneath his desk. But he needed to do this.  


“I have liked men and women for as long as I can remember but it hasn’t been something I have talked about. I don’t think that I was ashamed, I just didn’t want any unnecessary issues that came with admitting this to people. But I have never let who I like to define me as a person,” Professor Stein shrugged, running his hand through his hair. He noted that he needed a haircut.  


“It makes me sad that apparently love is still something gay people don’t qualify for and normally I wouldn’t let this bother me. But, I admire those of you who are fighting for the right to love. So, it’s for you the fighters of equality that I am coming out today. I stand by you…and I am proud of you.”  


Professor Stein nearly had a heart attack when suddenly the whole class started clapping, and cheering, some of his students running to hug him. Then his shock turned into a grin, then he started laughing, and maybe he cried a little, because he hadn’t realized just how freeing it felt to admit out loud what he was.  


By the time he got home, he was exhausted. The whole day had felt like a therapy session, not just for him but for the entire university.  


Just as he was getting comfortable on his sofa, a book in hand, and a nice cup of cocoa on the table, his phone shrilled. He groaned, but decided to pick up his phone, because he knew that it was one of three people that had the audacity to call him on a Friday, at 11 P.M.  


“Heeyy Stein. Whatchu doing?” Gordon asked nonchalantly. In the background, Stein heard Joe whisper something to Gordon. Stein was torn between laughing and yelling obscenities.  


“I am reading. Relaxed, and NOT ready to go anywhere tonight. NOWHERE,” Stein replied firmly, clutching his book tighter in hand. A part of him knew that Gordon could convince him to leave the house, the man had a way with words.  


He heard Joe whine in the background and Gordon told him to shush.  


“Not even to watch Joe’s hot sexy ex-girlfriend sing? C’mooonn, it’s karaoke night at Knights,” Gordon pressed teasingly.  


Stein considered it. At least they both didn’t sound drunk, and he did love karaoke night, especially singing with Joe. And Cecile _was _hot.  
__

__“You are considering it aren’t you?” Joe quipped from the background, which affectively built up Stein’s walls.  
_ _

__Stein almost burst out laughing when he heard Gordon call Joe, a shit-brain. It always shocked him how close Joe and Gordon were, he couldn’t imagine anyone else calling Joe by any other name but boss, sir or Joe, and getting away with all their body parts intact.  
_ _

__Instead of answering, he suddenly decided to be brave.  
_ _

__“No. But I am bisexual.”  
_ _

__The line got quiet. And suddenly Stein was sure that the two men could hear his hammering heart. A small voice in his head started laughing, calling him an idiot, what did he think this was, where did he think he was, a fucking Disney film? He was about to lose his two best friends, because a bunch of liberal college students had cheered for him.  
_ _

__Stein could have wallowed in self-hate for a few more years, but Gordon chuckled in response.  
_ _

__“Right. Well fine. Ray Harper might show up, I hear he is hot,” Gordon remarked casually.  
_ _

__Stein was quiet, not believing that it could be that easy.  
_ _

__“Fine, what about Dick Grayson, that fucker shows up at the club and it suddenly feels like a porno movie, fucker talks to me and I forget that I am into chicks,” Gordon continued sounding both irritated and impressed. Joe started laughing hysterically and Stein joined in, not able to control himself.  
_ _

__And because his two best friends couldn’t see him, Stein cried, but only a little. And manly tears.  
_ _

__Gordon and Joe didn’t talk about it when Stein showed up at Knights an hour later, not wanting to push their luck. But that night, the three friends suddenly realized how many good looking guys showed up at the club. At some point when Luthor, the gang leader of Intergang, for one of the most powerful gangs in the country went up to sing, ‘take me to church,’ Gordon threw Joe a look.  
_ _

__“Jesus fucking Christ Joe. I think you created a gay club without realizing.”  
__

__Stein nearly fell off his chair laughing._ _


	21. Let me in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Could a scar be like the rings of a tree, reopened with each emotional season?” ― Magenta Periwinkle

Months rolled by and things fell into a steady peaceful rhythm. Stein’s little announcement was quickly shadowed by other better news, like the marriage between the movie stars Jean-Paul and Kyle Jinadu, and Stein was able to settle back into his research. And the hard work paid off because multimillionaire Ray Palmer got in touch with him with an interesting offer regarding his research.  


More importantly though, peace gave Joe the chance to spend time with his daughter without feeling the weight of his role as a gang boss. He felt normal. He even found time to redecorate his house, and properly co-manage Knights Club with Gordon.  


Despite initially feeling a little weird around Stein, Joe continued popping by his office at least three times a week to play chess. In fact, it seemed that as time went, he found himself spending significantly more time with Stein. Sometimes he felt obligated to complain about it, especially around his friends.  


“Does anyone else feel like Stein is getting too comfortable with us nowadays? Like maybe he needs time out from the group?” Joe grumbled in irritation, in response to Stein who was making fun of his hairline, which apparently looked like it was receding. There were eating lunch at Jitters with Gordon, Cecile, and Julian.  


Stein and Joe were too caught up with each other to notice the knowing looks their friends gave them. It was the kind of look that Kim Kardashian probably gave to people when they complained about not being able to afford a piece of clothing, a look of horrified pity.  


“I am sure that’s what you two need to do,” Cecile replied scathingly. Julian and Gordon snickered throwing each other looks.  


Joe and Stein looked up surprise, missing the joke. Joe glared at his friends suspiciously, swatting away Stein’s hand as it inched to his forehead to measure his hairline.  


Despite how normal things were, sometimes he caught the little jokes that his friends made, and he worried that maybe he had become too familiar with Stein and vice versa. He had a reputation of being cold, aloof even, and the thought that maybe other people thought that he was gay or something worried him. He was a gang boss, it was a precarious position, and people could smell weakness on you, and from there it was easy for them to betray you, or kill you.  


Suddenly, Joe realized that hanging out with Stein, a civilian, going to his university, letting him into the secret gang meeting room, all had the potential to ruin his reputation. If it hadn’t already.  


Then as quickly as things had been normal, there weren’t. He wasn’t sure what the final straw was but suddenly whenever he was around Stein he felt like the whole world was analyzing his behavior and he felt like was suffocating.  


Stein didn’t say anything, but he noticed the subtle distance that started to appear between them. Joe didn’t look at him in the eye anymore. And when they did lock eyes, the look Joe gave him, was one of either wonder, confusion or what looked like extreme frustration.  


Stein had tried to find out what was wrong, but Joe had instantly evaded the topic, almost bolting out of the room. So, Stein didn’t press his friend any further, instead he watched as the wall between them thickened. Before either of them realized, they had barely spoken in a month. And Joe stopped going for their chess games. The air was round them was tense, careful and cautious, gravid with unsaid things.  


Things got so uncomfortable between them that even Iris eventually noticed.  


“Are you and dad like fighting or something?”  


Stein shook his head, and pointed at his face, “If we had fought, I think you would know. I don’t think I would be allowed here anymore.”  


Iris rolled her eyes, like Stein had said the most ridiculous thing in the world, “No way. Dad would never.”  


Stein laughed, and leaned over to paint another toe. They both sat in the living room, Iris with a magazine in hand, her leg over Stein’s hip, and the house smelt distinctly of nail polish. Iris had somehow pulled Stein away from a night at the lab, so he could help her paint her nails. Maybe it was because of whatever science things he did, but Stein’s hands were very steady, and he had a real gift when it came to painting nails.  


“Why not? I am not special Iris. Your dad and I are friends, but we can’t forget that he is also a gang boss. So I doubt he can show favoritism, especially to someone like me,” Stein muttered, fixing his glasses back on his face. They kept threatening to fall whenever he leaned over to do another toe. He paused and looked at his handiwork.  


Iris frowned behind his magazine, not believing Stein, “I know what he is. But you are special. The rules of the gang don’t apply to you.”  


Stein gave her a sad smile. And reflected on his friendship with Joe. It had been going so well, then something happened. Stein wondered if maybe it wasn’t his fault. He sighed audibly, then continued on to Iris’s last toe. The small toe was always a challenge.  


Iris looked at Stein head, his hair which was growing back again unchecked, fell forward, hiding her foot.  


“Kara, Barry and I don’t fight a lot. But usually, things get a little weird when they are things we are keeping hidden. Things we don’t say,” Iris offered nonchalantly.  


Stein slowly raised his head, and observed the young woman in front of him. He sometimes forgot that she wasn’t ten years old anymore. Stein had never met Fran, but he believed Joe when he said that Iris was growing up to be like her mother. Her messy curls were tamed now. She had insisted on a hair strengthening brush when she had turned 13. And had cut her long hair short. It gave her a sporty-mature look that had initially astonished Stein. She was growing up alright. Stein wondered if this is how it felt like to have a child. The wonder and joy of watching them grow into their personalities, and transform in front of your eyes.  


“You are all grown up,” Stein chocked out gazing at the fourteen year old. Iris eyes widened in her best ‘oh-my-gosh-stop’ mortified teenager look. She reached behind her, and threw a pillow at him, nearly spilling nail polish on her dad’s couch.

**

Joe remembered the first time he had ever stolen something. He had been ten years old, living on the streets. He had been the new boy on the streets, and hadn’t realized that amidst the chaos of the streets that there was a system. He had tried to approach the other children, but they glared at him and walked away, occupied with their own problems to take in a stray.  


Finally, nearing starvation, he had passed a newspaper stand, and noticed chocolates decorating the stand. And in desperation, he had reached out and grabbed a chocolate bar. But he hadn’t been quick enough, and the woman behind the stand grabbed his arm, squeezing it hard with her rough wrinkly hands. He didn’t protest, he stood limp, feeling caged, frightened, guilty, and most of all angry. Why did he have to be hungry? It wasn’t fair. His emotions were heightened by his hunger, and he started sobbing. He felt the woman’s hand let go of his arm, and he ran, chocolate bar nearly crushed in his hand.  


And these are the exact emotions that swept over him, when he entered his office to find Stein, sitting on her desk, arms folded, face determined. They hadn’t been alone in a month or so.  


The air around the office felt thin, as he closed the door behind him. He wanted to bolt, but reminded himself that he wasn’t a teenage girl.  


They stood there quiet, and it reminded Joe of the first time he had gone to see Professor Stein to apologize. Joe wasn’t sure what to do with his hands. He couldn’t remember how to stand tall.  


“So are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Stein asked calmly, as he walked towards Joe. Joe fought the desire to take a step back. Instead he shrugged, nonchalantly, and tried to look as unfazed as possible.  


“What are we? Thirteen year old girls? There is nothing to talk about?” Joe replied courtly.  


Stein sighed and stepped even closer, until they were standing right in front of each other, a strip of air separating them. Joe had never felt more trapped before in his life. He wanted to move away, but he also wanted to step closer to close the gap between them. The indecision, the confusion, turned his mind to mush.  


“Just tell me what’s going on? We barely hang out anymore. You are acting all distant, and when I try to talk to you, you act like an asshole,” Stein said, starting to look angry.  


Joe’s jaw tightened angrily, “I don’t have to tell you shit Stein. I don’t need to fucking chill with you, I am not your girlfriend.”  


Stein flinched at the intensity of his words, a flicker of hurt passed through his eyes, but Joe pretended not to see it.  


Then Stein shrugged carefree no longer trying to filter his words.  


“Are you suddenly afraid to be seen hanging out with someone like me? You know… a faggot? You afraid that your men will think that you are a faggot too?” Stein hissed, with more anger than Joe had ever seen. They had fought before, but Stein’s anger was usually accompanied by a smile or a chuckle or an exasperated sigh, but this time, he looked completely disgusted.  


Joe gasped. And suddenly, something snapped in Joe. He felt like he was falling. Everything in the moment didn’t feel right. He felt like an ensnared animal, and he didn’t like it.  


“Have I made you feel that special? Have I given you an impression that you can talk to me with such disrespect. If so, then _fuck you _Stein.”  
__

____

Joe looked up at Stein, and gave him a thin cold smile, a smile that he usually reserved for whoever was about to bleed under his fist. Joe saw fright flicker on Stein’s face, and knew that he was about to cross a line. But like a train with no stop, Joe West continued on, plowing into Stein’s heart.  


“You came into my fucking life by accident. And then you clung on. Like a fucking parasite. I am not obliged to do shit for you _Professor fucking Stein! _You aren’t even a Meryln for Christ's sake, and yet you speak to me like we are fucking best friends or something. Who the fuck do you think you are? What have you done for me to deserve ANYTHING from me?”  
__

____

Joe finished his speech, and found himself an inch away from Stein’s face, breathing heavy. Both men glared at each other, and this time Joe didn’t miss the look of hurt that was in Stein’s eyes. But he was too pissed to care. He saw Stein’s hand raise, and he prepared himself for a punch. But instead Stein brought down both his hands, and clasped Joe’s head in them.  


The world slowed down, and Joe barely had time to register that his face was about to collide with Steins. Then in what felt like a century later, Joe felt Stein’s lips on his. It wasn’t really a kiss, it was a combination of a kiss and a head-butt, because the force of the kiss split Joe’s lips. Stein held them in place, and Joe remained rooted in place, frozen in shock. Then instinct kicked in, and he violently pushed Stein backward. Then before he could control his hand, he felt his fist land on Stein’s face. Stein stumbled backwards clutching his face. He was bleeding. But Joe was sure that he was bleeding too, he ran his tongue across his lip and tasted copper. He stood his body shaking from, rage? Shock? At this point, he couldn’t piece together what was going on in his head.  


“What…what the FUCK Stein!? What the FUCK!? FUCK YOU!” He yelled, stammering.  


Joe stared at him, his whole body numb. Stein glared back, then anger was replaced by wariness. He looked exactly like he had the first time he had met him. Stein sighed, and wiped blood from his lip. Joe must have gone crazy because he suddenly realized how long Stein’s hair was again. Joe usually forced Stein to go to the barbershop with him, because whenever Stein got in too deep into his experiment, he forgot to groom himself. Now the hair was long again…and just everywhere. He needed a haircut.  


“I thought that maybe…” Stein started, interrupting Joe’s thoughts. Then Stein stopped, and his eyes turned cold.  


“I think... Four years, no fight. I think you had a point there, we can't constantly be in each other's lives. This is good because Ray…I doubt you know him. Anyway, he offered me a three year opportunity in Ghana to lead a research team, and I told him I would think about it. But I think… I think I need to get away. New environment and all that.”  


Joe tried to say something, but his lips were still tingling. He couldn’t be sure if it was because of the kiss or the cut on his lip. He clamped up again, feeling angry. A part of him suddenly wished that Stein went, left him alone.  


Stein must have seen Joe’s thoughts on his face, because he approached his friend cautiously. He looked at Joe swelling lip, and his whole face crumbled. He might have started crying, but instead he whispered.  


“I am so sorry.”  


Then he walked away from a frozen Joe, he reached for the door, and stood there for a second. As if waiting for something, anything from Joe.  


Joe thought that perhaps he should chase after him, but indignantly pushed the thought out of his head. This wasn't a fucking romcom, he was a fucking gang boss, and he didn’t chase after anyone. Especially not fuckers who went around screwing shit up.  


Stein stepped through the door, but before he disappeared behind the brown door, he turned to look at Joe, “I am an idiot aren’t I?”  


And just like that Stein was gone.


	22. Wait for me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “oh shit it's shit” ― Stephen King

Everyone was angry. It was a domino effect that started with Iris.  


Iris was angry because apparently Stein had gone to Ghana, for three years, and had told her nothing about it. Or said goodbye. She was furious, and hurt, but mostly livid. She was especially angry at her father who seemed to be okay with Stein’s sudden departure.  


“He couldn’t have just left like that! Did you do something? Did someone from the gang pull some shit on him? I swear to God dad,” Iris screamed a week after Stein had gone, no longer able to contain her wrath. Well she was less angry now, the hurt and sadness were starting to take root. And as she confronted her father, she felt tears welling up, and felt stupid.  


Her father shrugged silently, and Iris knew in that moment that if Joe West hadn’t been her father, she would have walked over and snapped his neck.  


When it came to Stein’s departure, her father got a strange blank look in his eyes, which both worried and irritated her. She knew how closely her father and Stein had been and couldn’t understand why he was so calm about everything.  


“He was your best friend dad. He was family, he was my family” Iris said now openly crying. Her father went to her, and hugged her tightly.  


“I am sorry hun. I am sorry,” was all her father said. And maybe it was the way his voice broke when he said it, but she stopped yelling at her dad about Stein after that first week.  


**  


Joe West had been angry. For exactly a week. It was actually the longest he had ever held a grudge on a close friend. Joe had a reputation for having a quick anger, but he was also known to hold the shortest grudge.  


Now, Joe was no longer angry. He was in a constant state of confusion, which was always followed by brief flashes of shame and disbelief. Sometimes he would lay on his bed and replay the scene of him punching Stein, Stein kissing him, and then Stein telling him he was leaving. It didn’t feel real. It felt like someone else’s soap opera.  


But after three weeks, Joe realized that maybe it was his soap opera after all. And the gaping hole in his life that Stein had filled swiftly seemed larger than life. Then Joe was angry again, this time more at himself and his emotions. His anger was transferred to his men, who received bark orders and unrealistic demands. And they carried them out grumbling, and took out their frustration on the citizens of Silver City.  


So everyone was angry.  


The usual lively city was filled with gloomy pissed off individuals. If you had told anyone that it was all because of one nerdy, glasses wearing, man called Stein, they would have laughed and then punched you in the face.  


**  


“You need to fix this,” Gordon said looking angrily at his boss.  


Gordon wasn’t angry. He was just frustrated.  


He wondered if this is how gods felt. He could clearly see what was going on, and what was necessary to fix it, but he couldn’t say anything. Cecile had forbade him from saying anything to Joe. “He needs to figure it out himself,” had been Cecile’s command. And if there was one person he was of more afraid of than his ex-wife and Joe, it was Cecile.  


Joe swirled around in his chair, holding a glass of bourbon, twirling the glass in a carefree manner.  


“Fix what my dear friend,” Joe drawled, the effects of the alcohol starting to influence his speech.  


Gordon sighed and walked over to him, and grabbed his glass, a little spilling on his desk. Joe protested weakly, “hey!”  


Gordon downed the rest of the content in the glass, shaking his head. He blocked out Joe yelps.  


“I ougtha have you killed for such insurb…insobi..insdobodination?” Joe asked carefully getting up and waving a finger. Then he sat back down and laughed.  


“Nah. I wouldn’t. You are my best friend. But don’t go telling people that.”  


Gordon rolled his eyes, and stood arms crossed, giving his best, ‘I am disappointed in you Joe’ face. Joe glanced at him and groaned.  


“Don’t give me that look. I hate that look. Drinking is no sin.”  


Gordon sighed loudly, “Yes. Drinking is definitely no sin. But running away from your problems is. You know what you need to do. “  


“I am not running away from anything Gooorddoon! I am just having one drink.”  


Gordon sighed and took out his phone. Joe watched Gordon curiously as he typed away. Gordon waited for a reply, ignoring Joe’s confused glare. Finally he nodded, and put his phone away.  


“Betty says that you are being…dense. And she says in that in the nicest way. And that she doesn’t want Uncle Joe to turn into the family drunk,” Gordon explaining, grinning proudly. Joe gaped at his friend.  


“What!? You told Betty? What the hell Gordon. You shouldn’t even be dragging your daughter into gang things,” Joe exclaimed, horrified. He pictured Betty’s innocent face as she shook her head in disappointment. Gordon gave Joe a confused look, like Joe had just asked him if we really did breathe in oxygen.  


“I tell her everything. Too much. Without her constant guidance, I would be dead. And this isn’t gang things. Don’t soil our gang like that.”  


When Joe refused to answer still feeling betrayed, Gordon shrugged once more.  


“Fine then. I will leave you alone.”  


Joe looked at him suspiciously. Gordon was usually way more persistent about things.  


Then Gordon turned around, and grabbed the bottle of bourbon from his desk, “But I am taking your bourbon.”  


Joe smiled thinly, “Not unless you want to lose your life today.”  


But Gordon already had the bottle in hand and was chuckling softly. He started to leave then stopped short. He turned around back to Joe, his face softening.  


“You know I am here for you, no matter what. And so is the gang.”  


Gordon continued, seeing the confusion and wariness on Joe’s face.  


“What I mean to say is that…well…there is nothing wrong with feelings and all that shit. And the gang doesn’t care about all that.”  


Joe frowned even more confused at Gordon’s cryptic message, and Gordon rolled his eyes.  


“Jesus Christ Joe. You are like my brother, but sometimes you are dumbest man I know. I am going to share this bourbon with Cecile and Bart. But you sober up. It’s 2 P.M in the afternoon for crying out loud,” Gordon exclaimed before leaving his friend with no alcohol.  


It took exactly five days for Joe to get there. And by then he had finished another bottle of bourbon. He always had a bottle of bourbon or two stashed away.  
**  


Joe finally found himself sitting in front of a laptop. A cursor blinking at him.  


“Why is it always me that has to apologize,” he murmured grumpily, and scratched the beard that he had let grow free during Stein’s three weeks absence.  


He stared at the screen feeling a small bubble of irritation in the pit of his stomach. He had spent the whole day trying to find a way to get in touch with Stein before realizing that Stein had left without leaving anyway for anyone to reach him. But finally, he had decided to reach Stein through his university email address, if he was ever going to read it.  


“Asshole,” Joe muttered to himself again. But he wasn’t angry. He was sad, and a little nervous. Stein was probably the only person beside his daughter that had gotten Joe to apologize not once but twice.  


He moved the mouse and hovered on the send button. Feeling anxious. The email had a feel of desperation to it that Joe was afraid to share.  


_Dear Professor Stein Martin,  
_

_I hope this email finds you well. This is Joe West, father of Iris West. I own Knights Club. You probably remember me. I am writing this message to convey my sincerest apologies.  
_

_I shouldn’t have behaved like that.  
_

_We all miss you, especially Iris. And Gordon is grumpier than usual. I wish you had at least said goodbye.  
_

_Three years is a long time. I just realized that you will be gone almost as long as I have known you.  
_

_I miss you.  
_

_Yours truly,  
_

_Joe. _  
__

__He stared at the words, he didn’t think they properly summarized what he was feeling but he clicked send anyway. He waited by his computer for a few hours, refreshing to see if Stein would reply back. He didn’t.  
_ _

__Suddenly he remembered that Clarissa was also in Ghana. And for reason he didn’t want to discuss with himself yet, the thought made him feel depressed.  
_ _

__He tried not to sink further into depression when Stein didn’t answer his email.  
_ _

__Soon, Stein had been gone for two months.  
_ _

__**  
_ _

__Professor Stein loved Ghana. It was refreshing, tropical, and full of life. Not to say that Silver City wasn’t full of life as well, but in Ghana, it was full of life in a way that was…fuller. Silver City was like a bag of Lays, while Ghana was like a bag of packed plantain chips. And it didn’t hurt that both the men and women were ridiculously good-looking.  
_ _

__There was also something pleasant about leading a group of scientists that he enjoyed working with, especially Clarissa, who was now tanner, and happier, with a handsome Ghanaian boyfriend, who looked like he was way out of her league.  
_ _

__“Yeah. I am never leaving this place,” Clarissa affirmed sighing in content. Both Stein and Clarissa were enjoying the sun by the beach. He considered staying in Ghana, maybe sharing Clarissa’s boyfriend. At the thought he smiled, the sun hitting his sunglasses. He closed his eyes, to the sounds of a language he didn’t understand. It was soothing somehow.  
_ _

__After two weeks, he surprised himself at how infrequently he thought about Joe. And when he did, in the quiet of the night, listening to the AC blast away, he groaned and tried to shut away the sea of shame and anger that enveloped him. But he woke up again to the sun, the lively people, and the science, and he was okay again.  
_ _

__He almost convinced himself that everything was fine. Almost. Then he met Ray.  
_ _

__There was something about Ray that was precious. He had expected to meet a snob, a cold businessman. But the multimillionaire he met threw him off; Ray had a naïve kindness to him that was infectious, a passion for science that rivaled Stein, and a childish hyperactiveness that either drove you crazy or warmed you up. Ray also had a straight-forward honesty about him that disarmed most people.  
_ _

__“If I could walk away from my millions and just adventure, hopping place to place, I would do it in a heartbeat. But I think my company can help a lot of people, that’s why I stay,” Ray replied when Stein asked why Ray didn’t just leave his company if he felt suffocated.  
_ _

__Stein looked up from his microscope, and gave the young millionaire a smile.  
_ _

__“You are precious,” Stein commented honestly without thinking. Ray blinked rapidly, and a deep blush spread across his face, almost spreading to his jet black hair. Stein seeing that he had made the man uncomfortable, cleared his throat.  
_ _

__“Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”  
_ _

__Ray fidgeted with random beakers, looking flustered. Then he finally spoke up.  
_ _

__“It’s not that you aren’t handsome, because you are. Or that you aren’t nice, or really smart. It’s just that…” Ray paused and gave Stein the most endearing look Stein had ever seen. Stein almost cooed affectionately. Ray shrugged and grinned sheepishly, “I already have an insufferable boyfriend.”  
_ _

__Stein laughed. It was the first time had laughed in two weeks, ever since, ‘the incident.’ Ray grinned, happy to see that he managed to make the usually melancholy professor smile. He had a beautiful smile Ray noted.  
_ _

__“Yeah. Nate. He is a historian. I call him Indiana Jones. You should hear him talk about history, he just goes on and on and oonn. He is like a walking fact-book. But he is my best friend, soo…just got to have to live with it, for the rest of my life if possible,” Ray said with a faraway fond look.  
_ _

__And that’s when Stein figured that he wasn’t alright._ _


	23. Under Fran’s Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.” ― Albert Camus

In Jitters, a certain father and daughter sat in their favorite café on a Saturday morning, talking about anything but Stein. Right now they were talking about Gordon.  


Iris wanted to throw a party for Gordon. A surprise birthday party, and she wanted enlist her father’s help.  


“I don’t think Gordon would like that very much,” her father said as they indulged themselves on brownies and hot cocoa. Jitters had the best brownies and hot cocoa.  


“But I want to throw him a party. We have never thrown him a crazy wonderful birthday party. I think we all need it.”  


Joe considered it, and tried not to think about Stein. But something in his face must have given him away because Iris hesitated and patted her father’s hand.  


“The doofus will be back sooner than later. He will probably get deported for saying something inappropriate to the wrong person.”  


Joe chuckled. It was a possibility. But Joe was in too good of a mood to get into Stein. Instead Joe thought about how Gordon would react to a surprise party. He would probably be pissed, sooo pissed. The idea was starting to seem appealing. Joe hoped that Iris would invite all her friends.  


“So…dad?” Iris asked interrupting her father’s thoughts. She sat with her arms crossed, waiting for her dad to give the correct response.  


Joe contemplated refusing, on one hand Gordon might kill him, on the other hand, his expression when it happened. Joe grinned.  


Not understanding the sinister motives behind his father’s surprising agreement to her request, she leaned over excitedly and placed a happy kiss on her father’s cheek.  


“We can arrange something at the club, although it would be hard to justify a surprise birthday party at one of the most popular clubs in the city,” Joe said leaning backwards.  


Iris snickered.  


“Dad. You are literally boss. You don’t need to explain yourself to anybody.”  


Joe laughed heartily. His Iris was turning out to be a force to be reckoned. He reached over and pinched her daughter’s nose, she yelped in embarrassment, glancing around to see if anyone had seen. She was fourteen year old for crying out loud.  


“You are always accountable to someone Iris. If not other people, then yourself,” Joe added grinning at his daughter embarrassed face.  


“Oh but make sure you invite all your friends. I think Gordon really misses having kids around,” Joe added wisely.  


Before Joe could continue listing things that Gordon would _definitely _enjoy at his party, his phone rang.  
__

____

“You better be bleeding in an alleyway Julian,” he said in a cheery sing-song voice. People knew not call him on Saturdays during his father-daughter cocoa time.  


Iris watched his father’s face went from relaxed to shocked, then scared within a span of a second.  


He cleared his voice, and asked in a voice that was stunningly low, “is he alright?”  


The other end said something. It must have been positive, because Joe face relaxed, but only slightly.  


Iris watched on her appetite gone. She was scared because her father looked upset, and there were only so many things that could put that expression on her father’s face.  


When her father finally got off the phone, she waited for her father to tell him what was going on. She had learned a long time ago that whenever something was important her father told her. Sometimes it took a little a while, but he didn’t keep any secrets from her. This time she didn’t have to wait long before her father was already out of his chair, grabbing his fedora.  


“We have to go baby. Stein is back, he is in the hospital.”  


Iris felt her mouth go dry and she felt a sharp pain in her stomach. She got up slowly, too afraid to ask questions. She grabbed her father’s hand, and noticed that both their hands were trembling. She couldn’t remember the last she had held her father’s hand.  


Julian was there to meet them when they got to the hospital. Iris ran to Julian giving him a tight hug, her dad had been silent the entire ride there not offering any further information about Stein’s condition. So she had no idea what state Stein was in. Julian must have sensed it because he soothed her.  


“He is fine. He will be fine. Just an intestinal infection that he ignored until it got bad enough that they had to fly him back here. He is a special kind of stupid that man. ”  


Iris nodded sniffing. She was almost his height now, which threw Julian off momentarily. He didn’t realize how fast Iris was growing. How old was she again? More than 14 he was sure.  


“We can go see him?” Joe asked quietly interrupting Julian's observations of Iris's unimpressive height, Iris wasn't that tall actually, Julian was just kind of short.  


Julian nodded.  


“But he has a lost a lot of weight. So be prepared for that,” Julian warned the father and daughter.  


**

Stein looked like he was a Halloween costume. The skeleton costume wearing a a white sheet. He had pasty skin, with sunken cheeks and dark shadows underneath his eyes. Actually, Julian couldn’t help but think that Stein looked like a starving panda. Despite his horrifying state, Stein tried to grin when he saw Joe and Iris. Julian almost told him to stop, now Stein looked like deranged starving panda.  


Julian bit his lip and decided then that he needed a vacation, he was becoming a sadist. He would take Harry, and they would have a second honeymoon.  


Joe and Iris stared at Stein trying to settle on an emotion; anger, horror, pity, relief. Iris settled on a combination of these, and she started whimpering approaching Stein slowly. Stein’s smile faded when he saw Iris’s tear soaked face. He stretched his skeletal hand.  


“I am fine Iris.”  


Iris didn’t seem to buy it, and she held Stein’s hand like he was an infant. Stein chuckled lightly.  


“Oh don’t be dramatic, don’t be a baby,” Stein said teasingly. Iris scoffed her fear replaced by slight irritation. And she leaned over and kissed him gently on his forehead, feeling nothing but love for him. It was really easy to win over Iris.  


“You are the one who looks like a baby, a really sick baby, a really sick stupid baby,” Iris said sitting on a chair next to Stein’s bed shaking her head disapprovingly.  


Joe watched on silently, not noticing that Julian had left the room. Julian was calling his husband.  


Iris seemed at complete ease now, Stein knew how to get to Iris, in ways that Joe couldn’t sometimes.  


Stein finally looked up at Joe, his face unreadable. Joe remained rooted by the door, his face a blank mask as well.  


“Hey there,” Stein said, almost shyly.  


Joe took a breath, trying to calm his heart, and threw him an involuntarily small smile.  


“Hey nerd. You’ve really let yourself go,” he remarked trying to keep his tone light. There were many things he wanted to say, but he couldn’t trust himself at the moment.  


Stein laughed, in a wheezing dog kind of way, then he winced. Iris had her hand over his in a second, squeezing it. Stein closed his eyes for a second, probably to collect himself.  


Joe remained rooted by the door, his mouth set thin. When finally Stein opened his eyes, Joe wasn’t sure how long he stared at the man, because Stein let out another chuckle, or something that resembled a chuckle. It sounded like the noise tires made when you let air out of them.  


“You are ogling, you shouldn’t ogle at skinny people like that. It makes us feel insecure,” Stein said with surprising sadness. Iris giggled, but her eyes were watery again.  


Joe could have collapsed in a heap of sob then or maybe he would have punched Stein, or maybe given Stein a big enough hug to crush him, but he didn’t stay to find out. He left the room. He heard Stein call out after him, but he continued down the hall. When he was far enough, he stopped, and leaned against the wall. He stood there, for a long time, not really thinking about anything. Eventually, he felt a hand on his shoulder, he turned to find Julian giving him a sad look.  


“You are thinking of Fran aren’t you?” Julian asked sympathetically. Joe could have lied, it would have been easier, and he was used to lying to people all the time. But he decided to bare out his heart.  


“I thought…for a moment, I thought he would close his eyes and never open them,” Joe said glancing up from the floor and standing up straighter. He continued, forcing the words out because they needed to be said.  


“I can’t lose Stein. The fucker is under my skin. Wormed his way deep into my heart. I am panicking like he is about to die, when I know he isn't. Fuck,” Joe concluded in a whisper sounding incredulous.  


Julian gave him a warm look, then sighed, leaning against the wall beside his long-time friend.  


“When Harry fell and broke his hand, as a doctor I knew that it wasn’t a big deal, but you should have seen me, hospital chief, behaving a like a superstitious lunatic,” Julian confessed a hand on his face, Joe smiled. He remembered Julian calling him every hour updating him Harry’s condition. Joe didn’t know Harry as well as Julian, but he always wondered how their relationship worked. While Julian was obnoxious and proud, Harry was quiet and carefree firefighter. But they seemed to work. Joe had never imagine anyone choosing to settle down with Julian, he liked the guy, but Julian could he be a royal dick. But apparently Harry could handle it. Joe had respect for the firefighter.  


“What I am trying to say is that caring about someone comes with consequences. But it’s usually worth it all,” Julian said with a small shrug. Then he pushed himself off the wall, and waited for Joe to follow. Joe gave him a small nod, and followed the doctor. Then he realized that Julian had compared what he felt for his husband to what Joe was feeling for Stein. He felt inclined to correct him.  


“But I guess I can’t compare myself to you, Stein is just my friend, Harry is your husband.”  


Julian gave him a funny look that Joe pointedly ignored.  


“I guess you are right…let’s go check on your _friend _,” Julian replied in a tone that Joe wasn’t sure he appreciated.  
__

____

When they got back to Stein’s room, Joe tried not to look too embarrassed when Stein gave him a confused look, and Iris rolled her eyes.  


Julian not ready for his two friends to work out their usual shit decided to jump right into it. He had things to do after all. A big holiday to plan.  


“Stein needs someone to be with him these coming weeks until he is better. I would volunteer, but I have some plans coming up. I don’t know where Stein is comfo-“ Julian didn’t get to finish to his sentence because Iris was already standing up, wearing an insulted expression.  


“Of course he will be staying with us! Whether he is comfortable with that or not. He won’t be leaving our house until he is a ball of healthy sunshine,” Iris exclaimed firmly, glaring around the room waiting for anyone to challenge her on the matter.  


Joe didn’t think that it was a good idea seeing how they had both parted, but he didn’t dare voice his opinion. He could see the words on Stein’s lips as well, but he saw him swallow them when Iris’s glare landed on him.  


“That’s settled then. Come Iris, Uncle Julian will buy you whatever you want from the vending machine. Then we can visit Fran,” Julian exclaimed feeling a un-British-like giddiness. Iris’s face lit up, losing the intensity that had been there a few seconds before. Julian had been getting her things from the vending machine, then taking her to see Francine for as long as she could remember. She felt like she was five years old again.  


Stein and Joe were left alone. Joe stood awkwardly by the door for a few seconds, before deciding that sitting down would definitely make things less awkward. Stein’s eyes followed him as Joe settled down on the chair beside his best friend. And because he really had to, he asked the question.  


“Did you read my email?”  


Joe looked up in time to see Stein shake his head, confused. Joe nodded, then tilted back on his chair.  


“Don’t ever read it.”  


Stein eyes lit up a little, mischief in them, and he smiled. It wasn’t a full smile, it held many questions, and an uncertainty, but it was still a smile.  


“Oh. Yeah. I will read it. Maybe share it with Gordon as well,” Stein said wistfully, looking up at the ceiling. His smile grew a little bit fuller when he heard Joe bang his chair forward, a gasp escaping his lip.  


“I will destroy you,” Joe said sounding dismayed.  


“You can’t. You are supposed to take care of me for the next few weeks,” Stein replied triumphantly.  


Joe’s eyes narrowed, and he shook his head in disbelief. “You little shit,” he concluded.  


Stein chuckled quietly, and he felt himself start to get drowsy. The room was quiet, and it wasn’t as awkward as it had been in the beginning. Joe was sure Stein was sleeping, until Stein opened his eyes regarding him sincerely.  


“I am sorry. I behaved like a…hormonal bitchy teenager,” Stein finally said, looking nervous. He clenched his bed sheet tightly, knuckles going white.  


Joe gazed back at Stein mirroring his nervousness, he gulped and replied, “it’s okay. I behaved like a crazed Neanderthal.”  


Stein closed his eyes and seemed relaxed, then he chuckled like he realized something, “A crazed Neanderthal and a hormonal bitchy teenager walk into a bar…”  


Both friends started laughing. Well, one laughed, the other one wheezed like a sick dog.  


Then the room was quiet again.  


“Does Gordon know that you are here?”  


Stein grimaced, “No. I didn’t want to worry him. Julian told me that he is not in the city.”  


Joe watched as sleep drew in Stein, his eyes fluttering, until they closed. A part of him wanted to reach out and shake him, but Stein wasn’t Fran.  


He watched carefully as Stein’s chest rose and fell to the rhythm of some dream dance. When he was sure that Stein was asleep, Joe allowed himself to feel all the emotions he had been bottling the moment he had seen Stein on the hospital bed. But Joe was surprised when he realized that all he felt now was just unadulterated relief.  


He breathed in a sigh of relief, then reach over tentatively and clasped Stein hand.  


“I really missed you man,” he murmured his voice breaking, then he placed his head near Stein’s hand, deciding to take a five minute nap before Julian and Iris came back.  


He didn't see Stein’s small smile before he fell asleep.  


** 

On the other side of the hospital, Iris stood beside Julian. She was munching on Twix. They both looked at the different colored blankets with little babies in them, some spoke in a language of their own, legs twitching for emphasis, others just cried, and others silently waited for life. On top of the windows there was a metal plate with a name that would probably not mean anything to the future astronauts, or doctors or singers, but that meant the whole to a girl who was slowly turning into a woman. Iris glanced up and smiled, “hey mom.”


	24. The first Amendment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The story of life is quicker than the blink of an eye, the story of love is hello, goodbye."- Jimi Hendrix

The first week was the worst. Not just for Stein and Joe, but for all their friends.  


It wasn’t because Joe and Stein weren’t civil to each, it was how civil towards each they now were. They behaved like acquaintances. Stein played the role of the grateful guest, and Joe took on the role of the polite host. It was very uncomfortable to watch. So as much as their friends were worried about Stein, they didn’t stop by Joe’s house often. Their friends resorted to phone calls, or passed by when Stein was alone, which was more often than not in the first week, especially since he wasn’t allowed to do anything but rest for at least two weeks.  


Joe played along. He teamed up with Iris to take care of Stein as well as he could, while maintaining an acceptable distance. Sometimes as Joe politely took Stein’s temperature, avoiding his gaze, he wondered how long Stein would stay mad at him.  


Joe exhaled sadly. He was standing at the entrance of his house contemplating turning back round, and going to the club to spend the night there. Cecile and Gordon would probably be there, preparing it for the night. But he knew he couldn’t leave Stein in his condition, Julian would murder him. Things were going to be be especially unpleasant today, because Iris was having a girls sleep over with Kara, Caitlin and whoever else. If he were honest with himself, after fifth grade, Joe had stopped trying to keep track of Iris’s ever expanding circle of friends.  


When he finally entered the house, he was immediately slapped by a wave of black smoke. He coughed fitfully looking around. There was smoke everywhere, and the whole house smelled of burnt…shoes? Or something equally unpleasant. In panic Joe remembered that Stein was supposed to be home.  


“Stein! Stein!” he yelled trying to quell his panic.  


In the smoke, he heard an answer, “I am fine.”  


“In the kitchen,” Stein added miserably.  


Joe used his fedora to wave away the smoke that was trying to sneak into his lungs. He approached the kitchen and finally spotted Stein’s figure in the kitchen.  


“Did something catch fire?” Joe asked perplexed.  


Stein stepped through the mist of smoke, wearing an embarrassed smile. He had on an apron, which was skewed. His hair was a rat’s nest of a mess and there were black smudges on his face. His glasses were fogged up, and on his finger there was a tissue paper, which was splattered with red dots. Joe figured that it was blood. Stein shuffled his feet, and cleared his throat, his cheek acquiring a pink shade.  


“Yeah. Dinner. Dinner caught fire.”  


In the clearing smoke, Joe stood still and stared at the Stein, not sure where to start. Firstly, Stein was supposed to be in bed. Julian had made it clear that Stein had to avoid any strains on his body. Secondly, Stein had nearly burnt himself, along with Joe’s kitchen trying to make a dinner, when he knew perfectly well that Joe or Iris took care of dinner. Joe opened his mouth to say just that, but closed it, he didn’t have the heart. Stein looked like he had participated in a Master’s Chef Program with animals as fellow contestants. There was a sudden warmth in his heart that expanded to his entire body. Joe had the urge to walk over, brush the smudged off his cheek, and hug him tightly.  


“Why are you grinning?” Stein asked staring at him worriedly. Joe put down the fedora, the smoked had cleared, but the pungent smell of burnt shoes remained. He shrugged, the grin turning into a chuckle.  


“You look ridiculous,” Joe answered honestly, biting back a laugh. Stein scoffed, then squinted at Joe unsure.  


“You are not mad. I almost just burned down your house.”  


Joe shook his head, “I have a daughter remember. Iris once tried to bake mud from a flower pot because soil looked just like brownies.”  


Stein relaxed and smiled picturing a young Iris proudly patting down a dough of mud. He didn’t notice that Joe was right next him, until Joe took his hand in his. Stein tried to remain calm. Joe not noticing how still Stein had gone when he picked up his hand, examined the deep gash on Stein’s finger sighing. He shook his head, “let’s get you a bandage. Then bed. Who told you to make dinner anyway?” Joe asked talking to the finger like it represented Stein.  


Stein opened his mouth to say something but realized that his heart was beating too fast. Not getting an answer, Joe looked up, and Stein gazed back, his heart doing a little dance. Joe was right in front of him, a breath away from him. They hadn’t been this close in months. Stein glanced into Joe’s eyes, they had a fondness to them that Stein hadn’t seen in a while. Stein’s eyes flickered to Joe’s lips, and nearly winced at the memory of smashing his lips onto Joe’s. The evidence of the kiss was no longer there.  


Stein cleared his throat, his face turning red, when he realized that Joe was waiting for a reply, a confused smile on his face. Stein exhaled and decided to be honest.  


“Because I feel like I needed to do something for you. A thank you of some kind,” Stein whispered in the silence, not looking at Joe.  


Joe was quiet for a few seconds. The he also decided to be honest. He really wanted to things to okay between him and Stein again.  


“What I said…before, that was far from the truth. I was insecure, stupid, and I took it out on you. You are my best friend Stein. I don’t think I have ever told you that. You deserve to be treated like my best friend. You are family. ”  


Stein didn’t say anything, but he wasn’t staring at the floor anymore. He was looking at Joe, with an expression that Joe couldn’t read. Joe looked away gain and stammered though his apology.  


“Basically I want to formally say that I am really sorry for being a dick. I want us to be okay again.”  


Stein and Joe stood in stillness for a good few minutes. The kitchen was now starting to smell like marshmallows. Joe wondered what Stein had been cooking. Finally Stein spoke his voice low and careful.  


“I had a younger brother you know,” Stein confessed, and nodded when Joe looked at him surprised.  


“Yeah, his name was Jax. He was brilliant, and funny and sweet. He wasn’t my blood brother, but he might as well been. We had both been abandoned and grew up on the streets together. He was my family. ”  


Stein face twisted with emotion, and Joe instinctively held his hand.  


“Then one day, he came to me with this ugly old brown briefcase. He was so excited, he thought that maybe the briefcase had money, and that we would be rich forever. And when he opened it, man was he disappointed. Chess! It had Chess pieces!” Stein exclaimed quietly, letting out a sad chuckle.  


“But instead of being bitter, he decided that he was going to learn chess. Maybe become a prodigy or something and make us a lot of money. And oh boy was he excited. Every time I would come home from doing odd jobs, he would be there, this little scrawny boy with a messy afro and a big smile, hunched over his chess board.”  


Stein involuntarily squeezed Joe’s hand, Joe responded by stepping closer to him. Stein hesitated, then continued, his eyes clouding over.  


“Then one day. A man followed him. I think he thought that he was carrying something very valuable in that briefcase. And when I got to our little box house. Jax was on the floor, bleeding. He looked so sad, and so small, and so cold. The briefcase was open with chess pieces scattered all over the floor. And I just-“Stein choked, his face twisting. Joe felt himself start to tear up as well, and placed a reassuring hand on Stein’s shoulder.  


“I didn’t know what to do. I was lost. I was in so much pain. I sat there, near his corpse for days clutching the briefcase. Not eating, just waiting for something to happen. Then finally when he started to smell. So with the little strength I had left. I went to the park, and dug and dug, then buried them there. I didn’t cry. I was starving, I was too weak to cry.”  


“So. I fed myself from the scraps from the trash cans in the park. Then one day this man saw him at the park. It was snowing, and I think I was nearly frozen. He took me in. Fed me, found me clothes, and never asked any questions. Then one day he took me to a friend of his, a scientist, M. Holt. He left me there, I never saw him again. His name was Rip Hunter. M. Holt was great guardian in many ways, and the greatest thing he ever gave me was my love for science, but he was never really there, big scientist and all. So, I started stopping by the park, playing chest with myself mostly, to be close to Jax, and also hoping that I would meet Rip again. I think I was infatuated by him. He was a hero to me.”  
He gave Joe a small sad mile.  


“He never did show up, but your daughter did.”  


Joe smiled back at him, his heart aching. Without giving it thought, he drew Stein into a hug.  


“I am sorry.”  


Stein shook his head, and wrapped his arms around Joe’s waist, clenching his shirt.  


“I didn’t tell you that so that you would feel bad for me. I told you that so you understand why I get so worried when you get distance. I am starved for family. And you were right, when I found you, Iris, Gordon, Cecile, and Julian, I clung on…it felt like I found something special”  


Joe absently stroked Stein’s hair. It was way too long, he needed a haircut Joe thought to himself feeling Stein’s heartbeat calming. And there were like that for a while. Stein was far too skinny, Joe realized as he felt Stein’s arm loosen on his waist. Then he remembered, and pulled away gently, smiling at Stein.  


“Is this a ploy for me to feel bad enough for you that I eat your dinner?”  


Stein frowned, then rolled his eyes, a smiling tugging on his mouth.  


“But I tried so hard.”  


Joe’s eyes widened, “if this is you trying, I am worried.”  


Stein chuckled, and stepped away from Joe, removing his apron, “I am actually a pretty good cook, but I was too weak-“  


Joe held up his hand, “Right! Bandage, bed. I will see what I can make for you. But no more attempts at doing anything but resting until this week is done.”  


Stein started to protest, but Joe shot him a glare. Stein hesitated and clamped up, grumbling as he made his way out of the kitchen. Joe smiled to himself. He still had it.  
On the way up the stairs, Stein sighed realized something.  


“Man, I have many apologies to give. I can’t believe I just left like that. I am surprised that Gordon hasn’t boiled me yet.”  


Joe walked carefully behind Stein and laughed quietly, “You are just lucky you got sick. You look too pitiful to stay mad at.”  


Stein whirled around, and glared at Joe. Joe shrugged, and hopped up at the stairs ahead of him. He stopped at the bathroom and waited for Stein.  


Stein stopped and gave Joe a shy look. Joe felt his mouth go dry. Stein glanced down, his glasses slipping down his nose. He adjusted them, then looked up at him bravely.  


“Sorry I kissed you like that.”  


Joe must have blushed. Well, thanks to his brown skin, the only indication you had that he was blushing, was the way he had suddenly shot up to his head. He coughed a little, scratching his eyebrows, then gave what he hoped was a nonchalant shrug.  


“It’s okay. I always hoped that my first kiss with a guy would be that passionate.”  


Stein face turned a crimson red, and he walked past Joe grumbling to himself. Joe caught some words, most weren’t nice. Joe almost tempted to ask Stein why he had kissed him, but thought better of it. That was a can of worms he decided to let stew a little longer.  


Like he promised, Joe bandaged Stein’s finger, then forced him into bed, brought him his medicine, and took his temperature. After Joe was sure that Stein was settled in bed, he went to the kitchen, and warmed some leftover soup. He didn’t dare look in the pots or in the oven. He would deal with that in the morning.  


When Joe was finally in his own bed, his phone buzzed. It was a message from Iris.  


_I hope things are back to normal between you and Stein. If there aren’t I am staying at Kara’s until I graduate._  
_Goodnight dad. Give Stein a kiss goodnight for me. And remind him that phones are meant to be used. ___  
XO _  
_

____

____Joe chuckled, his daughter was a piece of work alright. Fran would have been proud. He smiled sadly at that, and laboriously answered. He still didn’t like texting.  
_You should be in bed._  
Love you. _  
_

___Joe burrowed into his sheets, and closed his eyes. He momentarily thought about how Stein would react if he did what Iris had suggested, and kissed him goodnight. The image didn’t bother him as much as it should have, and his cool reaction to this realization didn’t bother him either. Joe actually smiled.  
_ _ _

___That night Joe dreamed of giant burning shoe with marshmallows for eyes chasing after him and Stein. Right in front of them was a little boy, skinny, his messy afro undistributed by the wind. He was fast, leaving both Stein and himself to the mercy of the giant shoe. When the boy turned around, he had the brightest smile, he winked at Joe, then waved at Stein. Joe turned to look at Stein who had stopped running, he longer looked scared, he gazed at the boy with wonder.  
_ _ _

___“Bye Jax.” Joe heard Stein whisper, his eyes bright with unshed tears.  
_ _ _

___Joe not wanting to leave Stein alone, he stopped as well, and waved at the brown skinned boy as he sprinted away. The giant shoe ran past them, and one of its legs waved at them. Before Joe could comment on how absolutely ridiculous the whole thing was, Stein grabbed his hand, and pulled him.  
_ _ _

___“Let’s go.”_ _ _


	25. Teenage Spirit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We are what ballads are written of, what bards sing of. We are epic, you and I.” ― Samantha Garman

The drama at home distracted Iris from the drama at school, which was actually far more complicated than whatever was going on between her father and Stein. They seemed fine now though.  


When it came to Gordon or Stein, Iris didn’t worry too much. She was confident that by the time she turned thirty, Gordon would still visit her; he would stumble into her house, a pretty young woman on his arm, and blood splattered on his shirt-blood from some poor bastard who had tried to give him shit-and start teasing her about some aspect of her life. And she was also confident that Stein would shuffle in right after, hair a little greyer, and would give her that same smile, hug her, and proceed to make fun of some aspect of her father’s life. They would always be there. No matter whatever rocks they all stumbled on. So, that part was easy.  


School on the other hand, was a different kind of jungle that required her full and undivided attention. It was spirit week, which meant that hormonal teenagers were now meaner, louder and wilder than ever. Iris counted herself among those hormonal teenagers, but she realized that as time went by that she had taken on a more protective mama-bear role in the group, a group which was expanding at an accelerated rate. What had started off as a small and simple circle of just her, Barry, Kara and occasionally Eddie, now included class clown Cisco, class president Caitlin and her friend Ronnie, and his friend Amaya, and so and so on. By the time Iris blinked, she had more friends that she needed. They popped up everywhere, cousins of her friends and friends of her friends. She was confident that she knew nearly everyone from the school. She felt silly sometimes that she had been nervous about making friends that first day in first grade, when her father had dropped her off at school.  


Thankfully, even though she had many friends, they were all in little groups. So, usually, at lunch time it was just her, Kara, Barry, Cisco, Caitlin and sometimes Ronnie. He preferred to hang around the upperclassmen in 10th grade.  


It wasn’t that Iris was popular. In fact she considered herself and her group as the neutral group. This also meant that many friends came to them with a lot of grievances, which somehow always ended up being their problem.  


She sighed, sipping her apple juice, as she listen to a frowning Barry. At fourteen, he was taller now taller than her but still lanky. He wasn’t as shy anymore, he was more confident in himself, and funnier especially whenever he teamed up with Cisco, but his smile was still the same. And that always grounded her.  


“She is really upset guy and I know she didn’t do it. But now, Laurel and the others are giving her shit. I don’t know what to do,” Barry mumbled shifting up his glasses, his usual energetic disposition melancholy. Iris didn’t like it when Barry looked sad, and she felt herself getting increasingly irate.  


Apparently, someone had spread a rumor that Felicity, Barry’s lab partner, and the coolest geek she knew, was stalking Oliver. Oliver was without doubt one of the most popular boys in school. He was athletic, hot, and rich, and there was always something mysterious about him, mostly because he didn’t talk much. Oliver and Felicity were in a class higher than Iris, and although she didn’t interact with them often, she knew them well enough to feel annoyed.  


“Let’s just tell Oliver to speak to her. Aren’t you and Ollie friends now after he nearly crushed your head during football tryouts?” Iris spoke up, trying not to sound as bothered as she felt.  


Barry’s face simultaneously paled and blushed when she motioned the infamous football tryouts. It had been the most terrifying moment of his life, and the most humiliating, especially since Iris had been there cheering him on. It was all Cisco’s fault really, for convincing him that he seemed like the ‘football type.’ He had learned from that point on that Cisco was a fucking moron, which was ironic since he was an honors student, as smart if not smarter than Caitlin.  


“Yeah. I guess I could talk to him about it. I don’t think he knows what’s going on. He is intimidating, but not a bad guy,” Barry mumbled, recovering from his embarrassing flashback. Iris smiled proudly, which made him feel better.  


Cisco perked up interested, he momentarily forgot about the paper in front of him; he was trying to finish his biology homework which was due after lunch. Kara was sitting next to him copying his work. He didn’t mind, Kara had offered him half her sandwich, and he knew she was smart, she was just the biggest procrastinator of the group.  
“If Diggle is his friend, then I doubt Ollie is bad guy,” Cisco commented with a wide grin.  


Everyone on the table groaned, not ready for Cisco to start his monologues on Diggle. Cisco had a weird, and impossible crush on Diggle, which was borderline creepy. He was so vocal about it that Diggle knew. But Diggle didn’t mind and occasionally threw him a wink, which didn’t help cool down Cisco or his fantasies. Which is what they were, fantasies, because Diggle was a straight as a plank. He couldn’t get any straighter.  


Caitlin patted Cisco’s shoulder, “Not today lover boy.”  


Cisco grinned proudly, “I would DIE, DIE if he asked me to the dance, came over to my house gave me a little gift, then on the dance floor, held me in his muscular arms and swung me like a doll.”  


Fantasies.  


But Iris couldn’t help but laugh looking at Cisco’s face.  


Kara giggled, happily munching on her apple, but not looking up from her scribbling down parts of the body, “Diggle is in 10th grade, he is going to prom, not the dance. You are probably going to third wheel with Cait and Ronnie,” she said squinting trying to read Cisco’s answers.  


Caitlin’s face flushed, and a small frown appeared on her rosy lips, “What makes you think I will be going to the dance with Ronnie?”  


Everyone turned to look at her, with varying degrees of perplexity.  


Cisco didn’t answer the ridiculous question, and switched his attention to everyone else on the table. He ignored Caitlin grumbling.  


“Sooo, who is going with who to the dance?” Cisco asked with a twinkle in eyes. That boy liked to stir up trouble.  


Iris shrugged honestly, “no offers here. Mafia dad and all. I will be going with Kara if she doesn’t find someone.” Kara looked up immediately and gave her a thumbs up, a big grin on her face.  


Cisco looked doubtful, “I don’t know. I have seen a lot of guys looking to ask her out.”  


Kara sighed, looking dejected, “It’s not that there isn’t anyone to ask me. It’s just because they are all scared of my cousin, and his best friend.”  


Iris shuddered along with everyone else on the table.  


Kara’s cousin, Clark, was a senior, and a black belt holder, large, and muscular guy. But he was never a problem, everyone knew he was the biggest sweetheart. It was his best friend. Bruce. Now that was a scary guy. Even Iris was unsettled by him, and she had grown up surrounded by scary men with guns. It was the way Bruce carried himself, quiet, observant and stern. Hell, even the teachers were a bit intimidated by him, well except for Mr. J’onn. But that wasn’t a surprised, Mr. J’onn wasn’t fazed by anything, not even Bruce’s glare. The only time anyone saw anything resembling to human emotions was when Bruce was with his friends; especially Clark, Stewart or Diana. Iris never really understood how Clark and Bruce were best friends, he couldn’t imagine how that friendship had blossomed.  


Eddie patted Kara’s shoulder, sipping on his juice. “One day, a man will be brave enough to face off your cousin and his friends, and drag you on a date or prom. And that’s when you will know that yes…yes, this is the one.”  


Caitlin chuckled and wiggled her eyebrows teasingly, “are you volunteering Eddie? I am sure you have girls up to your neck.”  


Eddie spluttered on his juice, and turned bright red. He hesitated. Iris looked at him sadly. Ever since catching him with Leo a few years ago, she had expected him to bring it up and he never did. Iris felt a little hurt that Eddie didn’t trust them, but she didn’t push, and she had never told anyone.  


Caitlin sensing something on Eddie’s face poked his side, and everyone else looked on with blatant curiosity.  


“Come on Eddie! Ever since 6th grade, you haven’t showed interest in anyone. But now you are blushing like someone dunked you in red paint. Spill,” Caitlin urged, gaining support from Cisco who was banging the table with his fists.  


Eddie looked around the table, bit his lips, and then casually glanced behind Iris. Suddenly everyone was curious and looked at what he was glancing at. Iris didn’t turn, and instead wore a small knowing smile.  


The table behind them had the usual rowdy residents, Mick, Selina, Leonard, and occasion John and Pamela would pop by.  


Caitlin raised her eyebrow, “Selina?” She asked incredulously. Cisco scoffed, even Kara looked at Eddie unconvinced.  


“Isn’t she dating Bruce or did they break up last year? Or are they still dating? Or is she dating Pamela?”  


Shrugs went around the table. But still it didn’t seem likely. And fortunately, Eddie shook his head, his face flushed, his hand clutching his fork, playing with potatoes.  
The table was quiet, because suddenly the rest of the options were unbelievable.  


Iris watched the looks of her friends, worriedly. She knew that none of them were homophobic, hell Kara’s sister was gay, but she was suddenly on edge, ready to punch it out with someone.  


“John?” Kara asked her eyes wide.  


Eddie shook her head, his face still bowed.  


“Mick?” Barry asked looking a little frightened.  


Eddie hesitated, and the whole table held its breath, then he shook his head, and the table exhaled.  


Unless there was a mysterious invisible person on the table behind them, there was only one more name left. Kara was already grinning, Caitlin eyes bulged, and Barry kept adjusting his glasses in anticipation. And Cisco being Cisco, opened his mouth.  


“SNART! SNART is your DATE?!” Cisco yelled in shock. The words echoed throughout the cafeteria, which for some reason had gotten quiet. All eyes were on their table. Eddie sunk back on his chair, mortified. Cisco’s hand flew on his mouth, he hadn’t realized that he had screamed. Caitlin closed her eyes exasperated, and sighed before slapping his head. On the other side, Kara, slapped his head, glaring at him.  


Thankfully, the cafeteria noise started up again, but every once in a while someone would glance their way.  


Cisco gave Eddie an apologetic grin, “Sorry. SORRY! But I don’t think anyone knew who I was talking about. Sorry. Stop looking at me like that Barry! Stapph.”  


They decided to ignore Cisco, and instead to drown Eddie with questions that he didn’t seem entirely too comfortable to answer.  


“How?  


“No. When?”  


“Leo Leo, parka boy Leo. Mick’s brother? That Leo?”  


“First base, second base, all the way?”  


Eddie still blushing furiously, didn’t know how to answer all their questions, especially the last one which came from a serious looking Cisco. Eddie was more worried about Leo. He knew that Leo didn’t want their relationship to get out. He suddenly felt like crying.  


His friends noticed his expression and stopped the questions.  


“Sorry, didn’t mean to pry. You don’t have to say anything,” Caitlin reassured, her hand on Eddie’s clenched fist. Kara nodded in agreement. Iris threw Eddy a kind smile, and nodded as well.  


Eddie feeling bad that he was raining on everyone’s good mood, decided to explain himself.  


“It’s just that, I don’t think Leo will like that I told you guys.”  


In response to his confession, he winced when everyone started hitting Cisco again. Cisco yelped in protest but gave Eddie apologetic grin.  


Suddenly, the table behind them was making more noise than theirs. Eddie’s face paled and he caught Leo’s eyes, he pointing at him. Mick glared at Eddie, and Eddie couldn’t have paled any further, but he did. He looked like a wet white piece of paper. Mick suddenly got up, and started to approach their table.  


“Oh shit, Eddie is about to die guys” Cisco murmured panicked, and before he could get up. Kara placed a hand on his shoulder, and held him in place. Cisco didn’t even try to shrug her off, Kara’s freaky strength had only increased with age.  


Finally Mick got to their table, and when he raised his hand, Iris was ready to fight. She was small but Gordon who was also relatively short, had thought her that it wasn’t never about size, it was the determination to do whatever it took. Iris wasn’t sure if Gordon had been talking about fighting, but she took the lesson with her everywhere.  


To everyone’s surprise, Mick’s hand came down softly and he just patted Eddie’s back laughing. Eddie who had been trembling like a leaf, smiled up nervously at his boyfriend’s intimidating brother. When he looked across the table at Leo, Leo just winked at him with a coy smile, and Eddie immediately relaxed. Leo wasn’t mad.  


“Can you guys believe this little blonde fucker over here managed to win over my cool brother over there?” Mick asked in his thunderous voice. He sounded happy, which relaxed the group.  


Eddie grinned a little his face still red.  


“I still can’t believe it. But I see it now! All their random get togethers…” Kara said hopping in her sit. She half hugged Eddie, her face excited.  
Mick threw her a grin, he liked the high-spirited girl. Despite her personality, she was strong, stronger than him. They had arm wrestled. So yes Mick definitely had a soft spot for her.  


Cisco looked at Mick mournfully, “I thought the first of us to get a boyfriend here would be me. You know, me and Diggle, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”  


Mick did the only thing he could in reply. He smacked Cisco on his head, and walked away. Cisco groaned clutching his head, while Barry laughed at him.  


Eddie suddenly got up, “I will be back.”  
They watched on confused, and noticed that Leo had also stood up. He was wearing a stupid grin on his face, which was so rare, that some people in the cafeteria watched in hushed silence. It was like seeing a dodo walk by wearing a crown.  


As they walked out of the cafeteria, Leo grabbed Eddie’s hand. They left the cafeteria to the sound of whistling and cheering behind them, Iris was among the whistlers.  


**  
After the excitement in the cafeteria had died down, Iris realized that no one had asked Barry who he was taking for prom. A part of her that she didn’t fully understand yet was glad that she didn’t know. She wanted him to go with her and Kara, and not leave their side the whole time. Her possessiveness of Barry sometimes worried her, and she was trying to get better.  


Concerned that she would voice her opinion, she got up. Barry looked at her surprised. She avoided his glance.  


“Where are you running off to Iris?” Barry asked suspiciously.  


Iris continued to avoid his gaze, because now she was flustered. The older she got the more flustered she got when Barry said her name. It perplexed her. She turned to Kara instead, and Kara gave her a curious look mixed with understanding.  


“Going to journalism club. First day. Heard that Lois can be pretty tough! And Linda put in a good word for me, so don’t want to disappoint.”  


Kara shrugged, “say hi to Jimmy for me!”  


Iris nodded and ran out of there before she could think about Barry. As she rushed out she heard Cisco exclaim, “Oh yea! Barry. Who are you taking to prom?”  


A part of Iris almost slowed her step to hear the name, but instead she walked faster, almost breaking into a run.  


She hurried away leaving the noisy cafeteria behind her.  


As she headed towards the Journalism club room, she heard voice come from the English classroom. She immediately knew who it was, and felt strangely nostalgic.  


She stood outside the classroom, feeling a little guilty at listening in. Again.  


“The whole school will soon know that you are dating me, I can just see Cisco announcing it to everyone,” Leo said sounding a little irritated.  


“Probably. I am sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I guess I just wanted to tell them. Make it seem more real you know? Sorry,” Eddie responded sounding guilty.  


Leo looked startled, “What? No! No! Don’t feel bad. I don’t regret you telling. I told too. It won’t change anything. I am just worried, not everyone is friendly towards you know…”  


“The gays?” Eddie finished for Leo.  


The boys were quiet for a good while and Iris almost burst into the classroom. She wanted to hold them both in her arms, and tell them that she would personally destroy anyone who made them feel like they had was something to be ashamed of. But she stood still, teary-eyed. She blamed her extreme emotions on spirit week.  


“Oh well. Whatever. Between your friends, my friends and my brother, I doubt anyone will mess with us,” Leo said reassuringly, laughing lightly. Eddie chuckled in reply, and breathed out in relief. Iris heard a shuffle of feet, and was sure that the boys were hugging.  


“Do you think it’s real?” Eddie mumbled after a while, or maybe it was because his face was nestled on Leo’s shoulder. Iris itched. She just wanted to open the classroom and look, but she forced herself to stay still, and rely on the power of her imagination.  


“What? You are having an existential crisis?” Leo responded laugh in his voice. Eddie hesitated and continued.  


“To be in love with someone at my age? We are too young right? This is like baby love or something……”Eddie trailed off, sounding uncertain. Leo laughed nervously.  
“If what I feel for you it’s just baby love, then I am worried what’s going to happen when we grow older. I couldn’t possibly love you more. That’s scary, that’s terrifying,” Leo responded sounding incredulous, even a little frightened.  


Eddie started laughing, and Iris heard him slap something, she hoped it was Leo’s ass.  


Imagination made the image possible and she grinned.  


“You realize that you just confessed that you are in love with me,” Eddie whispered and Leo laughed again, it was low and gentle.  


“That shouldn’t be news to you. I love you, especially when you do that thing…that thing with your tongue,” Leo replied slyly.  


Eddie chuckled, “you are a fucking pervert.”  


Iris face was suddenly very hot, her imagination now running wild. She thought about leaving, but was rooted in place. She tried to stay her heart when she heard the sound of smacking lips. Leo groaned and mumbled, “yeah, that thing.”  


Iris hand flew to her mouth, feeling like she was on fire. Had she been white, she probably would have been mistaken for a tomato. She backed away from the classroom, not ready to hear more. The sounds from the classroom, plus her imagination were making her sweat.  


As she raced away, her emotions were replaced by envy and admiration.  


She couldn’t imagine ever being loved like that.


	26. Heart Attacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. Rabindranath Tagore

For the second week in a roll Iris woke up to the smell of delicious breakfast, and soft classic music.  


Iris rushed out of bed grinning, she felt like a kid again, chasing down Santa Clause. But this time, she knew that she would find someone when she got downstairs. Two ‘someones’ in fact.  


Nowadays she looked forward to breakfast in a way she hadn’t in a long time, especially Saturday breakfast.  


By the time she got to the kitchen her father already there, in his penguin shorts and long shirt with a big teddy bear on it. Both were gifts from Iris, and his favorite thing to wear on lazy Saturdays. He looked unexpectedly young as he flipped over the omelet gently, his tongue poking out his mouth a little in concentration, and nodding proudly when the omelet landed perfectly back in the pan. He looked sideways and threw a smug look at Stein, who was watching unimpressed. He was wearing a white shirt and grey sweatpants. After three weeks, Stein was no longer a skeleton of a person and could now fill out his clothes nicely.  


“And that’s why, you needed my help Stein. No one can flip over an omelet better than me,” Joe said, his back turned to them, peering at his prized possession. He shrugged proudly, “besides, omelets are my specialty. Iris can vouch for me.”  


Stein turned to Iris. She was sitting at the table eagerly waiting for her breakfast. She was grinning ear to ear, but threw Stein a guilty look before nodding in agreement with her father. Joe did make the best omelet. It was one of her favorite things to eat.  


Stein gasped in mock shock, and chuckled, “Fine. Finish the omelet, I am hungry.”  


Iris regarded Stein as he started to set up the table. She couldn’t believe that Stein had been living with them for only a few weeks. It felt like many years had passed, and on other days it felt like only seconds had passed.  


The fact that Stein didn’t go to work for long hours anymore because of his weakened state meant that he spent a lot of time in the house. He mostly worked at home, but he was slowly trying to ease himself into work, he was planning on going back to teaching. They didn’t talk much about it, the fact that Stein would eventually leave.  


Stein brought over the bacon that he had made, and ushered Iris to help him carry over the fruits. Iris’s stomach growled, and Stein eyebrow raised amused.  


“Someone is hungry.”  


Iris nodded, nearly salivating as she eyed the bacon, “famished.”  


Stein laughed, “You can start eating.”  


She shook her head fiercely, almost looking offended. “No way! I am waiting for you two.”  


Stein nodded, then peered into the kitchen, rolling his eyes.  


“I know your omelet is great, but it sure does take its time.”  


Joe turned off the stove, before turning to Stein. He leaned over to him, his face near his, with a skillet in hand and gave him a reproachful look, “You don’t rush greatness.” Then turned back around, proud of his handiwork. And took the omelet to the table.  


Stein could have made fun of the ‘would be’ chef. But he was fighting the little voice in his head that was telling him they could always be like that, him, Joe and Iris. Stein’s heart clenched at the thought. He closed his eyes, suddenly worried that his ridiculous thoughts were playing out on his face. Things were great between him and Joe again. Normal. He definitely didn’t want to ruin that.  


“You eating Stein?” Joe called out, already cutting a large portion of the omelet. Iris glared at the big piece he was cutting. She glanced between the egg, his hand, her plate, then his face, but Joe wasn’t getting the hint, or he was purposefully ignoring it. They were both big eaters.  


As they ate, Iris entertained them with a story from school, something about how two exchange students from Russia, Dean and Cas had messed up an experiment in school trying to replicate some magic potion from an anime they had watched.  


As much as Stein tried to keep things normal, throughout breakfast, Joe kept doing small things that would throw Stein back into his daydreams. Joe kept reaching over to help him cut his bacon, so that he wouldn’t struggle, and at one point Joe literally force fed him a piece of eggs covered in honey because he felt that Stein was missing out. The feeling of Joe’s hand on his cheek stayed with him for the entire day.  


Evening dawned and found the two men playing chess in the living room. They were sitting on the floor, cross legged, well Stein was crossed-legged, Joe couldn’t cross his legs, Iris and Stein weren’t sure if he could even bend his knees. Joe’s brow was furrowed in concentration but he had a small relaxed smile on his face. Joe was like that for a few minutes. Stein usually let him take his time when it came to chess, he never rushed him. Instead he enjoyed the peace and familiarity of it all.  


As they sat there like they did most evenings, Stein let his eyes linger on the man’s face, he traced Joe’s cheekbones, his eyelashes that were almost feminine and eventually his eyes settled on his lips. And it finally dawned to Stein with sudden undeniable clarity that it was time to go back home.  


So when Stein inevitably beat Joe, and Joe grumbled, arranging the chess pieced, Stein told him.  


“I think I am going to go back to my apartment on Tuesday. And go back to the university on Wednesday, I have an appointment with Dr. Jessie. I guess I can’t hide from my work forever. ”  


Joe didn’t look up from arranging the chess pieces and he shrugged, “I think that’s a good idea.”  


Stein nodded at Joe’s bent head, and couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He had hoped that maybe Joe would…he paused his train of thought. Would what? Beg him to stay? Ask him to be roomies? Stein sighed, he was beginning to create unrealistic expectations. He definitely needed to go.  


Joe finally looked up at him after he put the chess briefcase underneath the table and gave him a small smile, “Iris won’t be happy.”  


Stein wanted to ask, what about you? But instead he nodded, grabbing their mugs to take to the kitchen.  


“I know. But she will get it.”  


They didn’t talk more about it, and went to bed a few minutes later.  


**  


When Joe told Iris the next day, she wasn’t happy, but she handled it better than he expected.  


“So Tuesday? Two more nights here...” she replied mostly to herself. Then she tapped her foot, biting her lip, her face furrowed then she shrugged.  


“Makes sense. Can’t force him to stay and make us breakfast forever. This isn’t a Stephen King book.”  


Joe blinked surprised at how easy she had taken the news. She went on her tiptoes, and kissed her father on the cheek before closing her bedroom door, to do whatever teenagers did in their rooms on Sunday afternoons.  


Joe didn’t see Stein for most of the day, because he was at the university, “getting reacquainted” as he had told Joe wisely. When Stein finally made an appearance in the evening, they made a plan to invite some of their friends for dinner the following day. Then they were argued on what to make until Iris, finally out of her room, suggested that if they didn’t come up with an agreement they would just order pizza. Stein stared at her like she was crazy, and gave Joe a disbelieving look, Joe snorted in respond. But they quickly came up with a compromise.  


Afterwards, they went out for Karaoke, but not at Knights. Joe wanted to go somewhere he wouldn’t be easily recognized, and he didn’t want Iris at the club anymore. They sang, well Joe and Stein sang, and Iris sort of, kind of, mostly sang-yelled. And at the end of the night, when Joe and Stein sang _My Little Girl _by Tim McGraw, Iris almost started crying. But instead of sobbing like a little girl, she got up and hugged them both, pulling them close, forgetting that they weren’t alone in the bar. Behind her back, Joe and Stein looked at each other wearing big smiles.  
__

__They didn’t stay at the bar long, because school was the following day, and they all had a busy schedule the next day.  
_ _

__By the end of the night, Stein decided that it really didn’t matter whether he lived with the Wests or not, they were ingrained in his life so completely that it was almost physically painful.  
_ _

__That night, back in his room, Joe lay on his bed, not sure what to do. He felt silly. He really wanted Stein to stay. But Iris was right. Stein wasn’t a prisoner, even if he made wonderful bacon or that he helped around the house, or that he was a good conversation, or that he made watching movies amusing because of his ‘fun facts ‘commentary, or that he was just nice to have around. It wasn’t fair to ask Stein to stay longer because life was better with him, because in the end it wasn’t about him it was about Stein.  
_ _

__**  
_ _

__On Stein’s last night the trio spent the evening in solemn silent. As soon as Gordon, Cecile and Betty left, they took their laughter with them. After that, Joe, Stein and Iris sat in silence, watching Nat Geo Wild. It was an interesting document about toads. Stein wasn’t making any side commentaries.  
_ _

__The flickering light of the TV reflected on their faces, but it didn’t reveal much. Their expression were surprisingly solemn. And since the following day would be Tuesday, a school day for Iris, she went to bed early. Before she left, she simply hugged Stein, and told him that she would see him soon. There were no grant gestures.  
_ _

__Stein and Joe were left watching the toad documentary. If a gunman had at that moment pointed a gun at Joe’s head and demanded for him to give a summary of what he was watching, he would have died embarrassed. Something about toads in Brazil?  
_ _

__Every few minutes Joe glanced at Stein from the corner of his eyes. Stein looked equally distracted. Finally, the silence broke when Joe yawned. Stein turned to look at him and rolled his eyes.  
_ _

__“Go to sleep old man.”  
_ _

__Joe huffed and chuckled. He didn’t want to go to bed. He wasn’t tired. Maybe a little. But this was Stein’s last night with them. It wasn’t really a big deal, they would all probably still see each other, but it would be different.  
_ _

__Joe shook his head, “I am not sleepy. Are you?”  
_ _

__Stein shrugged, hesitated, and then shook his head, “not really. But I have tell you, I haven’t been paying attention to this lizard or whatever documentary.”  
_ _

__Joe laughed quietly, and almost asked him what he was thinking about but decided against it. He took the remote and switched off the television, then casually turned to look at Stein who was shifting on the couch trying to find a comfortable position. Stein turned to look at him, and they locked eyes for a few seconds. Joe noticed that Stein’s cheeks were looking slightly pink. He gulped nervously. The atmosphere in the room was beginning to make him feel uncomfortable. He averted his eyes, and decided to observe the painting he had gotten from Cecile with renewed interest.  
_ _

__“Sooo, anything special you want to do on your last night in the awesome Wests resident?”  
_ _

__Joe turned to look at Stein after asking the question, hoping that Stein wasn’t blushing anymore. When his eyes landed back on Stein, Joe felt like his stomach was collapsing into itself. Stein face was now a beet red. _What the fuck was going on? _Joe didn’t understand what Stein was blushing about, and he didn’t like the way his body was reacting to his red-faced friend.  
___ _

___Suddenly it dawned to him that maybe his question had been suggestive. But no….his mind stuttered. Why would it be suggestive? There were friends, and he was sure that throughout their friendship, Joe had done and said things that were borderline homoerotic, but it had never had this effect.  
_ _ _

___Joe was now also blushing, he felt heat climb up his face. Then he was just gazed at Stein confused. What the fuck was going on? He saw something in Stein’s eyes, his confusion mirrored his, but there was something else there, but he couldn’t read it. Joe wondered if his eyes were showing the same thing. Since Joe’s brain wasn’t really built for mysterious glances, and blushing men, it came to a screeching halt. Then he did the only thing he knew how to do in situations he didn’t understand. He ignored wherever the fuck was going on.  
_ _ _

___He stood up, like a robot, stiff, his face felt like it was burning off. He didn’t dare to look at Stein. But simply he went to the kitchen. From the kitchen he finally found his voice, and hoped it wasn’t trembling as much as his heart was.  
_ _ _

___“I am bringing out the wine Stein. We drink, then maybe play a game. But not chess. Something I have a fair chance of at winning at. Okay?”  
_ _ _

___He waited for Stein to reply, and for some reason he held his breath. The moment felt very fragile. Thankfully Stein replied, and his voice was normal.  
_ _ _

___“Fine. But I don’t think there is a game that you have a chance of winning.”  
_ _ _

___Joe breathed in a sigh of relief, and chuckled, glad that there were back to their usual banter.  
_ _ _

___“Monopoly!” He exclaimed grabbing the two wine glasses. Then he paused, and blinked rapidly. Wine? Wasn’t wine a bit too…he paused, he couldn’t find a word that didn’t make his skin feel tight and uncomfortable. He shook his head slowly to himself, and put back the wine, and grabbed his bourbon instead. He nodded, yes, bourbon was very…normal. He felt a little silly then. He wasn’t sure he understood what was going on in his head, but he blamed it all on Stein’s flushed face.  
_ _ _

___From the living room Stein groaned.  
_ _ _

___“Monopoly! It’s 10 p.m. We might finish at 3 A.M,” Stein whined, then there was a pause, then Stein hastily added, “The game I mean.”  
_ _ _

___There it was again, the room suddenly felt hot. Why was everything they were saying suddenly sounding suggestive? Joe didn’t get it. It was like he was a dirty-minded thirteen year old again. But the bigger question was why it was having a weird effect on not just him but Stein.  
_ _ _

___He looked down at the whiskey no longer feeling sure about it.  
_ _ _

___“I am sure we can do it quickly…” he replied, the words slowly flowing out his mouth. Then he thought about what he just said, it sounded a little dirty. But no, it wasn’t that dirty, not compared to the shit that came out of Gordon’s mouth sometimes.  
_ _ _

___Perhaps this was all because he hadn’t been laid in over two months. And as far as he knew, Stein hadn’t gotten laid while either, not in Joe’s house anyway. An unwelcome question of whether Stein had ever jerked off in his house caught Joe off guard and he blinked panicking. What? What? He blinked away the sporadic images that were trying to become visible behind his eyelids. _NoooO! Fuck no _!  
___ _ _

___He hastily opened cracked upon the bourbon and he drank straight from the bottle wincing as it flowed down his throat. He gulped, and the warmth in his belly made things a little better.  
_ _ _

___When he went back to the living room, there was no tension or awkwardness. None that he could detect anyway, and by gods mercy Stein was no longer looked like a blushing princess.  
_ _ _

___Stein glanced at the bottle in Joe’s hand and raised an eyebrow, “What happened to the wine?”  
_ _ _

___Joe shrugged and grinned, “That wine is way too expensive for this. Maybe we will open it when we get hitched or something.” Joe almost winced when he heard himself, and decided it would be better not to correct himself. Stein didn’t seem to catch the phrasing because he merely rolled his eyes, “Well then I guess, we are never drinking the wine are we?”  
_ _ _

___Joe glanced at Stein questioningly, his expression serious, “you don’t think you are ever getting hitched?”  
_ _ _

___Stein hesitated and avoided Joe’s frown, “I don’t think so. I can’t picture it, and I am not easy to get along with, as you would know. And many other small things. So I don’t know, but I think not.”  
_ _ _

______Joe didn’t want to comment further, he really didn’t, but the bourbon was already making him feel looser. So he shrugged, and threw Stein a reassuring smile.  
“Don’t worry. Your quirks are cute. You will find someone. And you are quite the hottie apparently, Iris tells me that her friends are obsessed with your chiseled something or another,” Joe revealed, chuckling at the memory. Joe turned away to pour them a drink, and thank goodness for that because Stein’s face tomato red. He felt flushed, and a bit dizzy. He tried to pull himself together. Joe and Gordon had told him something like this before. Stein knew he was a relatively attractive man, but the simplicity in which Joe said it made his stomach clench pleasantly. And soon he was grinning. He stood abruptly, and turned away. _Normal. Normal _.  
__

___“So where is the monopoly?” Stein asked his face scanning the room, the grin on his face nearly splitting his lips.  
_ _ _

___**  
_ _ _

___Two hours later, Stein was broke, and quite drunk. Joe grinned ear to ear, looking proudly at his properties across the board. He didn’t even pretend to feel sorry for Stein’s broke ass.  
_ _ _

___“Is this how you feel whenever you win a chess game? This power! HA,” Joe cackled feeling triumphant as he stretched out his hand to collect his money. Ah, the two hotels in Mayfair were his golden geese. Stein angrily slapped 500 into Joe’s hand wavering hand.  
_ _ _

___“I hope it comes with a curse,” Stein slurred, teeth gritting. Joe laughed again, then he looked at the board, then at Stein’s remaining money, then at Stein’s sulking face.  
_ _ _

___“I think we should stop. I win anyway. And I am officially too drunk to count money properly,” Joe confessed. He waited for Stein to complain because he knew that Stein didn’t like to lose. But Stein shrugged in agreement, and his head swayed like his neck is made out of rubber.  
_ _ _

___“Ok. But next time. I am the banker. There is power in holding money,” Stein said in a deep slur.  
_ _ _

___Joe then proceeded to throw the monopoly game into its box, not bothering to do it neatly, he was too far gone. He snuck a look at Stein who was laying his head on the sofa, daydreaming probably.  
_ _ _

___“You sleepy, or you up for one more game of something?”  
_ _ _

______Stein opened his eyes, and tried to focus on Joe’s wavy image. His mind felt blurry, but otherwise he felt relaxed, and comfortable. And yes he could play one more game.  
“I can do one more game. Bring it. Let me help you pack away the board.”  


___Joe watched in amusement as Stein struggled for five minutes trying to figure out how to fold the board. Finally seemingly giving up, Stein started to make a triangle, effectively misshaping the board. Joe yelped, and grabbed the board from him glaring at him, “you are drunk.”  
_ _ _

___Stein giggled then, and rolled his eyes dramatically, “No shit Sherlock fuckin West.”  
_ _ _

___A small smile tugged on Joe’s lip then he looked around the room confused, “I don’t know what we should play.”  
_ _ _

___Stein let out a loud sigh, “I assumed that when you suggested one last game, you knew what it was. “ Joe shrugs easily feeling slight embarrassed, “I just blurted it out so you didn’t fall asleep or something. But I am sure we can find a game.”  
_ _ _

___He didn’t notice Stein looking down at the carpet, with a smile, he was too busy scanning through his head for a game. Suddenly a stupid idea came to mind.  
_ _ _

___“Truth or dare!” Joe suggested enthusiastically and Stein grimaced.  
_ _ _

___“But we are not in sixth grade anymore Joe.”  
_ _ _

___Joe feeling childish stuck his tongue, and his eyes glimmered again, “Snap!”  
_ _ _

___“I don’t want to bruise my hands. You seem like the violent type.”  
_ _ _

___“Go fish.”  
_ _ _

___“Go fuck yourself.”  
_ _ _

___“Wow Stein.”  
_ _ _

___Stein shrugged not caring, and Joe actually giggled. Stein paused, and gazed at him with a fond smile on his face. Joe felt himself start to blush, his giggle was a source of embarrassment for him. It was not tough like he was. It was high, giddy, and made him feel foolish.  
_ _ _

___“I like it when you giggle,” Stein blurted out without thinking. He nearly regretted it because Joe’s eyes widened in surprise. Stein couldn’t read his expression, but because he was intoxicated, he felt confident enough to clarify.  
_ _ _

___“It sounds nice. You should giggle more,” Stein said looking straight at Joe. The voice in his head applauded impressed, alcohol does wonders for your confidence Stein. Stein agreed with himself. His composure almost cracked when he realized that he was still holding Joe’s gaze, and Joe hadn’t wavered. His look of shock was turning into an expression that Stein couldn’t decipher. Was he angry? With a start Stein remembered their last fight, and his composure completely cracked. Feeling like he was about to have a panic attack, he raised his hands as if surrendering or pleading, the voice in his head stopped applauding, ah Stein is back.  
_ _ _

___“Wait Joe. Shit. Sorry. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. Sorry. Alcohol. Me. No filter. Idiot,” Stein rushed, not looking at Joe. He closed his eyes then, feeling like he was falling into a void of shame and embarrassment.  
_ _ _

___Joe watched Stein flail and regret flow through his body. This was his fault really, he had done this. He had noticed that ever since their big fight, Stein wasn’t as comfortable with him anymore. And friendship wasn’t supposed to be like that. And Joe wasn’t homophobic or an idiot. In fact, he was faltered by Stein’s comment. When he had looked at him holding his gaze with a fond smile on his face told him that he had a nice giggle, Joe had felt flattered, hugely embarrassed of course, but still very much okay with it. He had nearly giggled again, until he saw Stein’s face twist with panic. Joe sighed, and held himself back from drawing Stein into a hug.  
_ _ _

___“I am sorry,” Joe finally said, biting his lip.  
_ _ _

___Stein’s eyes opened in surprise, looking at Joe with renewed worry.  
_ _ _

___“W-what?” Stein stammered.  
_ _ _

___Joe sighed loudly this time, and puffed his cheek, then tilted his head left and right. He wasn’t sure what he was doing. Stein stared at him anxious for a different reason. Joe eyes widened in realization, and then he slapped a hand on his knee.  
_ _ _

___“I have an idea for a game!”  
_ _ _

___“What?”  
_ _ _

___“The compliment game!”  
_ _ _

___“ehh what?”  
_ _ _

___“You say something nice. And whenever the other person blushes or some shit, they drink!”  
_ _ _

___“I can’t see it when you blush. Sounds stupid.”  
_ _ _

___“I will be honest. And you are stupid.”  
_ _ _

___Joe and Stein glared at each other. Finally Stein rolled his eyes when Joe kept glaring him down,“Fine then.”  
_ _ _

___Joe grinned, then hesitated. Feeling awkward, he poured himself a drink, and drank it. Stein gazed at him confused.  
_ _ _

___“You are playing it wrong,” he said deadpan.  
_ _ _

___Joe muttered something that Stein didn’t catch.  
_ _ _

___“Speak up Joejoe.”  
_ _ _

___Joe finally looked at him frowning, “that’s a shit nickname.” Stein shrugged a smile spreading across his face, “I know.”  
_ _ _

___No longer feeling awkward, Joe spoke up, “…the giggle thing you said.”  
_ _ _

___Stein stared at him swaying a little, not understanding what he meant. Joe stared back waiting for him to get there, and when he did, he blushed in turn. Joe was embarrassed for both of them. Two grown ass men blushing like little girls. He wasn’t sure whether to laugh or bury his head under the couch when just then Stein cursed and also poured himself a drink his face flushed.  
_ _ _

___When he finished drinking, he looked at Joe, and started laughing, Joe joined him. They both fell on the floor, feeling ridiculous. When the laughter died down, Joe shook his head.  
_ _ _

___“We are going to get hammered at this rate.”  
_ _ _

___Stein grinned and belched, “Yeep. I am puriittyy gooonee!”  
_ _ _

___Joe nodded his head in slow motion, “Yeep.. that last shot, wooo, meehnn!”  
_ _ _

___Joe blinked slowly trying to focus on Stein, “Let’s begin. I will start.” Joe guessed that Stein nodded, or maybe jumped. He couldn’t tell, he had blinked too quickly…or something? Whatever. He searched his mind for compliments and found one that matched Stein’s slightly rose colored cheeks.  
_ _ _

___“You are pretty.”  
_ _ _

___Stein scoffed, “bitch I know.”  
_ _ _

___Joe chortled.  
_ _ _

___“You have nice eyes.”  
_ _ _

___Joe scoffed, “boy I know.”  
_ _ _

___Stein giggled.  
_ _ _

___“You are a good father.”  
_ _ _

___Joe rolled his eyes, “duh.”  
_ _ _

___“You are pretty smart.”  
_ _ _

___Stein actually looked offended, “I am more than pretty smart.”  
_ _ _

___Stein concentrated for a more serious compliments and ended up blushing. He drank. Joe looked at him with raised eyebrows, “why the hell are you drinking?”  
_ _ _

___Stein shrugged looking shy, “because I am about to get serious.”  
_ _ _

___Joe laughed, shaking his head, “bring it. I am not a blusher.”  
_ _ _

___Stein raised his eyebrow at the challenge and went for broke.  
_ _ _

___“It’s pretty hot when you bite your lip in concentration during our chess games.”  
_ _ _

___Joe stared at Stein, mouth agape. He let out a nervous half laugh, and poured himself a drink, “well shit,” he whispered, feeling his face heat up. Stein nodded to himself proudly, although his own heart was beating a little too fast.  
_ _ _

___Joe concentrated as well, seeing that they were now seriously playing. He bit his lip, not sure, but decided that anything he said he could just blame it on the alcohol.  
_ _ _

___“You have nice eyes, I like it when you errr look at me during our chess games…”  
_ _ _

___Stein’s blush was too red for Joe to feel triumph, because he almost fell himself start to get embarrassed. Joe silently watched Stein tip back his cup, and waited for things to get awkward. And when they didn’t, Joe was glad.  
_ _ _

___Stein cracked his knuckles.  
_ _ _

___“I liked it when…when you hugged me two weeks ago, it felt nice. You have a nice hug I mean.”  
_ _ _

___Joe drank feeling a bit shaky. His stomach twisted.  
_ _ _

___“You have nice hair, I always want to run my hand through it.”  
_ _ _

___Stein drank.  
_ _ _

___“You have one of the most beautiful smiles I have ever seen. It transforms your entire face.”  
_ _ _

___Joe drank.  
_ _ _

___“You are a big part of my life.”  
_ _ _

___“Hey! That’s not a fucking compliment,” Stein complained pouring himself a shot. Joe laughed.  
_ _ _

___“FINE. I LIKE YOUR FACE!”  
_ _ _

___Stein rolled his eyes, “WHY?”  
_ _ _

___“It’s NICE?”  
_ _ _

___“WHY ARE WE YELLING?”  
_ _ _

___“I DON’T KNOW. IT FEELS RIIGGHT!”  
_ _ _

___‘WE SHOULD TURN THE COMPLIMENTS INTO A SONG.”  
_ _ _

___“WHAT MELODY SHOULD WE UUSSSEE?”  
_ _ _

___“ALLADIN’S I CAN SHOW YOU THE WORLD. IRIS USED TO HAVE THE BIGGEST CRUSH ON ALLADIN.”  
_ _ _

___Stein guffawed, and whispered in confirmation “he was very hot.” Joe made a face and shook his head, “nope. Esmeralda was definitely hot though. And Prince Naveen ...ok I begin”  
_ _ _

___“I LIKE IT WHEN YOU SMILE…” Joes bellowed his eyes closed, swaying back and forth. Stein closed his eyes too.  
_ _ _

___“I LIKE IT WHEN YOU COME TO SEE ME.”  
_ _ _

___“THAT’S NOT A COMPLIMENT YOU BLADY IDIOOT, SAY SOMETHING ELSE!”  
_ _ _

___“FUCK YOU SIDEWAAAYS!”  
_ _ _

___“IT WOULD BE A FANTASTIC POINT OF VIEW.”  
_ _ _

___“JUST GET BACK TO THE GAME OR I WILL THROW, THIS DRINK ON YOUR SMUG FACEEEE”  
_ _ _

___They stopped short, and started laughing, drinks abandoned. Joe laugh was a mixture of a giggle, hiccups, and a laugh, which made Stein laugh harder until he was also hiccupping, which caused Joe to laugh even harder, and around and around it went, until they were both clutching their stomach, nearly puking.  
_ _ _

___And maybe it was the moment, or the pure giddiness that swept Stein, or maybe because he was completely wasted, but as he lay there on carpeted floor, bourbon abandoned, Stein was seized with a feeling. It was all encompassing; it was a mixture of pain, joy, anxiety, nostalgia and fright. He felt a piercing in his heart, as if someone had just stabbed him. He hastily brought his hand up to his chest, and wondered if maybe he was having a heart attack. He spoke up in a soft panicked whisper.  
_ _ _

___“Can excessive drinking give you a heart attack?”  
_ _ _

___Joe chuckled softly, his eyes closed, “I don’t think so,” he cracked one eye open, “why?”  
_ _ _

___Stein felt nauseous, under his hand his heartbeat was pumping at an accelerated rate.  
_ _ _

___“Because my heart feels like it’s about to burst out of my chest.”  
_ _ _

___Joe now worried, opened both his eyes. He didn’t have the energy or balance to get up, so he crawled towards Stein until he was lying down next to him. He winced, his head now starting to pound to the drumbeats of some unknown beat.  
_ _ _

___“Well I feel like shit too. Maybe you just need to throw up. But if you puke on my carpet I will make you lick it off,” Joe warned, quickly examining Stein. He was facing the ceiling, one hand on his chest, and the other clenching and unclenching, and he was breathing a little too heavy. His face was flushed, his hair disheveled, and his eyes wide in what looked like shock.  
_ _ _

___Joe now fully concerned, turned to his side and tentatively placed his hand on Stein’s forehead. He felt Stein gasp, and quickly withdrew his hand with unease.  
_ _ _

___“Maybe we should take you to the hospital,” Joe slurred, but even as he said it, he wondered who they could call at this time of the night to drive them. All the images he summoned in his head gave him the middle finger, or gave him a knowing look that he wasn’t ready for.  
_ _ _

___Stein still looking up at the ceiling shook his head rapidly, and just looking at him do that gave Joe another headache.  
_ _ _

___“No. I think I just figured out what’s causing it. I don’t think it’s a heart attack.”  
_ _ _

___Joe nodded feeling relieved, and went back to laying on his back. They were both quiet again. The world felt like it was swimming every time Joe closed his eyes, so he decided to just stare at the ceiling as well. He was amazed that neither of them had thrown up yet. Suddenly Joe was curious.  
_ _ _

___“Wait. What’s causing it?” He asked Stein quietly.  
_ _ _

___When Stein didn’t answer Joe turned to him and examined his profile. He looked like he was hesitating. Joe frowned, “what?” Stein hesitated again, and squinted up at the ceiling, “well I am not exactly a hundred percent sure. Just a theory.”  
_ _ _

___Joe frowned deepened, and he reached across to place a hand on Joe’s arm to shake him. He realized he was too intoxicated to even push him, so he just rested is hand on Stein’s arm. Then turn his gaze back at the ceiling. Joe was startled when Stein spoke up again, he hadn’t expected an answer.  
_ _ _

___“Ok, now I am maybe seventy percent sure I know what’s causing it.”  
_ _ _

___Joe raised his eyebrows at the ceiling, he almost turned to look at him but decided that his brain would slip out of his ears if he made anymore movement with his head. So he lay still and squinted.  
_ _ _

___“Mmmm.”  
_ _ _

___Stein didn’t say anything else, Joe feeling particularly foolish, and highly intoxicated, took a risk. He had an excuse after all. Alcohol and whatnot.  
_ _ _

___His hand trailed down Stein’s arm, reached his hand, carefully turned it around, so the palm was facing up, and then intertwined his fingers with Stein’s.  
_ _ _

___It was a simple gesture and he hadn’t thought it would be a big deal but his brain was not on the same agenda, and he started to panic a little. Had he ever held Stein’s hand? Surely he must have. But he couldn’t remember. Maybe he had grabbed it at some point, but never held it. It felt like it should have been something normal, but it suddenly felt like it was too much. Like he was holding a coal that would start to burn his hand any minute. While his intoxicated brain was trying to sort through his emotions, Stein croaked out next to him.  
_ _ _

___“I am hundred and ten percent sure I know what’s causing it now.”  
_ _ _

___Despite his own conflicted state, Joe scoffed, “Who knew I had super powers.”  
_ _ _

___Stein chuckled, but it was weak and breathlessly. And when Joe turned slowly, oh so very slowly to look at Stein, he found that he was flushed again, breathing harshly. Joe’s own heart squeezed in his chest. Suddenly, Stein retracted his hand from Joe’s and placed it on his heart.  
_ _ _

___“You definitely do. I think if you keep holding my hand I will spontaneously combust.”  
_ _ _

___Joe laughed, but it was a nervous edge to it. He knew this was something significant but his brain wasn’t grasping it. Because as much as his intoxicated mind gave him the confident to do many thinks, it also took away his ability to analyze anything, and everything was either funny or weird.  
_ _ _

___“Maybe we should cuddle,” Joe suggested teasingly.  
_ _ _

___Stein gasped, and shook his head vigorously, “Nope.”  
_ _ _

___“But I want to actually see if I have powers or if it’s not your mind playing tricks on you!” Joe whined scooching closer to Stein. Stein scooched away so that they weren’t touching.  
_ _ _

___“I will kill you.”  
_ _ _

______Joe burst out laughing, but didn’t move closer to Stein. Then there were quiet again, and finally he felt sleep start to take him. He wondered briefly if he would remember all this tomorrow…in a few hours. He wondered if he wanted to remember, many things had been said and done that he didn’t think sober Joe could handle.  
“Joe. You sleeping?”  


___“mmmh nearly.”  
_ _ _

___“Ok. Good ni-morning then.”  
_ _ _

___Joe let out a breath, it sounded like a laugh. “Good morning Stein.”  
_ _ _

___Joe felt his eyes close but before he could completely sleep. He realized something.  
_ _ _

___“Stein?”  
_ _ _

___“Yeah?”  
_ _ _

___“I feel it too.”  
_ _ _

___“What?”  
_ _ _

___“the weird heart attack thing.”  
_ _ _

___“Yeah?”  
_ _ _

___“Yeah.”  
_ _ _

___Joe fell asleep then, he didn’t know if it was a dream or if he was awake when he heard Stein mumble back, “That makes me really happy.”  
_ _ _

___And whether in the dream or drifting towards sleep, Joe smiled.  
_ _ _

___**  
_ _ _

___A few hours later, when the sun blinked through the window, and the bird chirped to welcome day, Joe threw up on his carpet. He got up, and went to the sink to let it all out. Then when he felt like he had given away all the liquid in his body, he vowed to never drink like that again. He made promises like that once a month.  
_ _ _

___He slowly headed back to the living room feeling like death and looked at his soiled carpet mournfully. He finally noticed Stein sprawled on the carpet. On closer inspection, Joe realized that Stein was drooling, he nearly kicked him, but remembered that he had already damaged his beloved carpet.  
_ _ _

___He leaned over Stein and slowly shook him awake.  
_ _ _

___“We need to get up. Iris will be up in a few minutes. And we definitely don’t want her to see us like this. Good role models and all.”  
_ _ _

___Stein groaned, and blinked slowly, but stayed on the floor, and Joe had to shake him again.  
_ _ _

___“Don’t shake me so much,” Stein hissed irritation coating ever word. Stein was not a morning person. Joe bit back a laugh.  
_ _ _

___“Sorry. Do you want me to help you up?”  
_ _ _

___Stein shook his head slowly and finally rose up in a sitting position. He fixed his glasses, which were bent awkwardly because he had slept with them, and sighed.  
_ _ _

___“Drinking is a mistake.”  
_ _ _

___Joe agreed him and he could picture Gordon snickering at that, and inviting them to join them at Knights right afterwards. Joe and Stein had long discovered that alcohol was Gordon’s little bitch. It was both horrifying and fascinating to watch Gordon tip back a bottle of whiskey and drink it like water.  
_ _ _

___Stein finally fully opened his eyes, and turned to Joe. Joe was still bent over, and could see Stein’s brown eyes adjusting to the light. It was beautiful, the way the pupils dilated, and he felt momentarily lost in them. Images of the events a few hours prior came rushing forward. Joe couldn’t remember everything, but he vaguely remembered calling Stein pretty. He blinked rapidly, and if he had skin like Stein, his face would have turning into a nice shade of red, like Stein’s was at the moment. It was a tender moment, and Joe almost reached out to brush loose hair out of Stein’s eyes, but then Stein’s eyes bulged, and his hand flew up to his mouth.  
_ _ _

___“I am going to puke,” he said scrambling up. He raced to the bathroom. And Joe tried to tune out the sounds that ensured, mostly because he was starting to heave unpleasantly.  
_ _ _

______Afterwards, Stein and Joe helped each other and stumbled up the stairs, which for once felt like the greatest climb in the entire world. Joe was glad that he hadn’t attempted to go to his room after drinking.  
When they separated to go to their respective rooms, there were no lingering looks and touches.  


___**  
_ _ _

___And when Stein woke up a few more hours later to find Joe quietly making some eggs in the kitchen, neither him nor Joe brought up the events of the night. They mumbled their good mornings, and proceeded to set up breakfast.  
_ _ _

___Stein kissed Iris goodbye and she headed out to school. And when he grumpily munched his eggs, and gulped down his orange juice, he didn’t say much. He grunted a few responses to Joe’s questions about helping him move.  
_ _ _

___Finally when it came time to leave, no speeches were made. There was nothing to say. And even if there was, their crazy hangovers didn’t allow either of them to dwell on it._ _ _


	27. It Was Another Cliche

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Only in art were there cliches; never in nature. There were no ordinary human beings. Everybody was born with surprise inside.” ― Jincy Willett

Stein settled back into his old life with ease. He was back to teaching, working on his experiments, and getting dragged out of his house by either Joe, Iris or Gordon. He was also back to full strength, and when Julian came back from his vacation, tanner and happier, he was proud of Stein’s progress. Everything was good. Except that things no longer felt complete for Stein, it was like no matter how much he did, there was a leak somewhere, he never felt quite…complete. The feeling became so constant that Stein got used to it being there. But he didn’t try to dig deeper, and he tried not to acknowledge it hoping that it would fade with time.  


**  


Everything changed for Joe after his drunken monopoly night with Stein. They didn’t change in a big dramatic way, Joe simply started to notice certain things about Stein. These things had always been there, but now seemed more significant.  


Like the way Stein ran his hand through his hair whenever he was feeling frustrated about something, usually when he was grading papers. Joe noticed that whenever Stein drew his hair back like that, brows furrowed, Joe could see his face more, his cheekbones, his full lips, and sometimes a pair of glasses lay leisurely on his nose, and Joe found that he liked when Stein did that. And whenever Stein stuttered excitedly, face flushed as he told him something about his experiments or scientific theories, Joe couldn’t help but watch him with a permanent affectionate smile on his face.  


Then there was the way Stein liked to rest his head on his hands and watch Joe with a small smile whenever they played chess. Whenever Joe had the nerve to glance up, which he did shyly these days, he noticed that the expression Stein wore during those moments made his heart ache. And even when he found that he didn’t like it whenever someone would try to hit on Stein, Joe noticed the way Stein would drop his head bashfully, biting his lower lip, and imperceptibly shift closer to him. And whenever Stein would do that, Joe would want to grab him by his waist and bring him closer to his side, but he wouldn’t.  


Every time Joe noticed these little things, it felt like the world shifted by a centimeter underneath his feet. It was both the most confusing, but the most thrilling weeks of his life.  


Now Stein’s gaze felt like a caress, and every time they locked eyes, Joe fumbled not sure what to do with himself. He tried not to notice their closeness, how they always gravitated next to each other. His stomach flipped so much these days that anytime he was around Stein, by the time we went home, he would lie on his bed disoriented and extremely tired.  


On his bed, Joe would throw his arm on his face, his heart racing, a dull pain settling there.  


But Joe wasn’t as oblivious as most people thought, he just a hard time accepting things that he couldn’t understand, especially things that made him feel vulnerable, and what’s why he couldn’t reconcile with his mind with what he was feeling.  


**  


In front of Joe Stein whistled, shaking his head. Placing a bishop in front of his queen.  


“Checkmate. That was unusually fast. Are you being easy on me Joe? That’s cute,” Stein winked at him teasingly, his eyes bright with amusement.  


Joe’s stomach did the flip thing, and he was immediately annoyed with himself, so he snapped unintentionally.  


“Oh. Fuck this!” he growled, and pushed back nearly knocking down the chess pieces. He got up and stomped out of Stein’s office. Stein was left sitting blinking in surprise. He didn’t understand what was going on but Stein figured it had something to do with the last time they had gotten drunk together. And although he had no memory of the night, he figured that he had done something again. He was worried-the last time things had been left unspoken between them, he had left the only home he knew, and nearly died in a beautiful tropical land, continents away.  


No. They weren’t doing that again. HE was going to fight this time.  


So after leaving the university, he immediately headed to Joe’s house. He used the secret entrance without a second thought. He didn’t need to knock, Joe had reluctantly given him the key a year back. There were only two other people with the keys; Gordon and Cecile. Iris no longer had a key.  


Over the years Joe had tried to separate Iris from the gang as much as possible. He wanted his daughter to have a life that was as normal as possible, he knew it was what Francine would have wanted. He knew he couldn’t completely sever 

all ties between the gang and Iris, because he was still their leader, but he took all necessary steps to ensure that Iris was no longer associated with the Merlyn gang.  
Iris no longer had men following her, she no longer accompanied her father to meet with gang members, and Joe no longer conducted any gang related activities in the house. Everything was done at the club. The basement was now for Joe to just sneak away and work. He was thinking about turning the space into a gym.  


Stein on the other hand, was no longer phased by Joe’s gang life, mostly because it didn’t really affect many aspects in his life. Sure comparing to five years ago, Stein now knew more criminals that he had ever expected to know, and he was acquaintances with men and women who could cut out his tongue for fun, but ultimately none of this had a big impact in his life. Merlyn gang was no longer as violent anyway, Gordon liked to joke that Joe had turned them into some sort of hippie gang, but Gordon said with a proud smile. They were still feared, but now most members could safely live with their families, because of the tranquility and the fact that Joe had cut down about half of the rules that governed the gang.  


“These are silly. Most of the guys want to be here, there is no need to make them feel like they have signed away their souls. Some things will stay the same, but most things will change,” Joe had told Gordon as he read the gang charter with a deep frown on his face. Gordon had shrugged, he didn’t care one way or another, he would stick with him whatever he decided, it was always that simple for Gordon, and would always be.  


Stein found Joe in his office, sitting on his chair, head thrown backwards. He was groaning, fingers laced behind his head.  


Stein stood in front of him feeling the déjà vu hit him like a train. He wasn’t sure how to start the conversation this time.  


“We need to talk,” he finally spoke after standing there silently unnoticed for longer than was necessary.  


Joe nearly fell out of his chair. He knocked over the folders cursing and grumbled avoiding his gaze, “Shit Stein! Fuck. Knock like everyone else.”  


Stein didn’t say anything, he couldn’t think of anything to say. So he stood there patiently waiting for Joe to collect fallen papers. As he did, Stein got an opportunity to study him. His eyes ran over his profile, and down his broad shoulder; he couldn’t control the way his mouth went dry when he glanced at his arms. Joe was wearing a black polo shirt that fit him perfectly, accentuating his chest, and his biceps.  


Stein gazed at him feeling hot and cold, he didn’t think he blinked. He hoped that he wasn’t blushing, because he knew how red he got. If he was, he tried to wonder what excuse he would give.  


Before Joe turned around, Stein tried to diffuse the environment his body was creating. He placed a wavy grin on his face, “but I am not like everyone else remember,” he said joking he winced at how stupid he sounded and nearly slapped himself.  


Joe turned around threw him a look, he didn’t look amused. But thankfully enough, Stein was back to normal. Stein sighed, more out of relief, and shrugged. Joe went back to his sit, and raised his eyebrows expectantly, “What’s up?”  


Stein went and sat on his desk. Joe glared at him on his desk tempted to say something, and Stein tried not to grin as he watched how Joe’s mouth twitched, and but to his Stein’s surprise he didn’t say anything, but rolled his eyes instead, “Well…tell me before I bitch slap you off my desk.”  


Stein chuckled, feeling more comfortable and cut straight to the point, “Something has been off with you. And I think I know what.”  


Joe looked less irritated and more curious. With an eyebrows raised, he replied, “you do?”  


Stein glared at him and poked his forehead lightly. Joe chuckled, but leaned back on his chair, so that there weren’t as close. Stein tried not to be hurt by the act. But he was now encouraged to get on with it,“I think this has to do with that night we got drunk and played monopoly.”  


Joe face suddenly looked nervous. He seemed to think about it, then he nodded his head slowly in confirmation.  


Stein sighed at the confirmation, “Did I do something stupid or say something inappropriate?”  


To Stein’s surprise, Joe dropped his head on the desk growling in frustration. His head still on desk, he shook his head and mumbled, “No. That’s not it. And nothing you say or do is stupid.”  


Stein was quiet, feeling touched, and relieved. There was another emotion mixed in there, a fleeting feeling of hope. Stein couldn’t help but take Joe’s words and twist them in his brain to mean something it probably wasn’t. He hated himself for being so weak, and in his weakness he nearly leaned over to place a chaste kiss on his friend’s bowed head to comfort him. He coughed nervously, trying to drive away the desire that was starting to build up in his chest.  


Joe broke the silence that has somehow snuck into the room, and asked not looking up, “do you remember what happened that night?”  


Stein titled his head and concentrated, “some things. Like us singing about something, mmh, and playing a game…of compliments?” At the mention of it, Stein felt himself start to get inexplicably shy.  


Joe nodded on his desk, “that’s it?”  


Stein’s heart started to hammer in his chest, was there more? He concentrated again, but the images in his head were blurry. He started to shake his head, but suddenly he saw himself lying on Joe’s carpet, hand on his chest and added quietly, “I nearly had a heart attack or something?”  


Joe finally looked up and swallowed before nodding. He gave Stein a searching look that hypnotized him, and apparently satisfied with what he saw in his eyes, Joe smiled and lifted himself completely off his desk, and leaned back on his chair. “Yeah. That’s it,” Joe added his voice surprisingly tender.  


Stein chuckled dryly confused, “you are acting weird because I had a heart burn or something?”  


Joe nodded, and closed his eyes at the memory, a small smile playing on his lip, “yeah. And I also nearly had a heart attack.”  


Stein was even more confused. He shook his head, his head twisted in utter confusion. “I don’t get it!”  


Joe breathed out desperately but shrugged, the small smile unwavering, “It’s okay, I didn’t think you would. Hell, I don’t fully understand it either yet.”  


From the moment Stein had started talking to Joe, he had been lost. It wasn’t just the conversation that threw him, it was his mind that kept wandering away to Joe’s lips when he spoke, and the concentration he was using to keep from reaching over to touch Joe was very distracting. He felt himself start to uncoil, unravel, and suddenly terrified, he leapt off Joe’s desk.  


It was Joe’s turn to look at him warily, and Stein threw him what he hoped was a calm look. Then because Stein couldn’t leave without saying what he needed to say, he spoke up, trying to keep his tone even, “I don’t know what’s going on, but we will need to talk about it eventually. A wise girl once told me that secrets make friendships awkward.”  


Joe didn’t answer Stein, and instead kept his gaze on him, his face equally blank. Stein grew a nervous and felt cracks start to form on ‘stoic’ mask. He knew that Joe had a bad habit of staring whenever he was thinking and usually he didn’t mind because he did it himself, but at the moment he was acutely aware Joe’s eyes on him. Stein twitched, trying to drive away another need to touch Joe. He bit the insides of his cheeks wanting to run away as soon as he could.  


“Joooeee! You are staring. No answer,” he finally said reminding Joe, like he usually did whenever Joe started to drift off like that, but again Stein’s voice wavered a little as he said it.  


Joe blinked out of his trance and scratched his head, obviously feeling embarrassed, “ah. No. I mean yes. I mean no? I will figure this out, then we can talk…is that okay?”  


Stein hesitated then nodded. He glanced down at his watch, it wasn’t late yet, and usually he would stay and relax on Joe’s extremely comfortable brown couch with his book, but today….everything was weird, his skin felt tighter on his body, and all his senses seemed a little too sensitive.  


“Okay, I am going. I will let you get back to your…whatever you were doing,” Stein said quietly waving a hand at Joe. He didn’t wait for Joe’s response. He opened the door, walked out, then out of the house, and stood right outside the alley, before taking a long deep breath. He decided to take the longest route home to clear his mind.  
**  


Joe was left with his thoughts. He eyes drifted to where Stein had sat, and ran a hand over the spot, it was still kind of warm. He groaned again and dropped his head on his desk. He wasn’t sure what was going on. Joe’s mind was limited in imagination. In his mind there were just two possibilities, and both of them seemed too ridiculous to be true. He kept his head and on his desk feeling exhausted. He suddenly missed Francine.  


Iris found him there a few hours later, asleep. He had a small frown on his face, and his eyebrows were scrunched up in concentration. Iris gingerly smoothed away the frown, smiled softly and placed a kiss on his cheek before heading up to her room.  


**  


Back in his apartment, Stein tried to sit through a new age romantic comedy. He was too lazy to watch anything else. He hated romantic comedies, they were silly, and cliché. Love wasn’t like that. Especially this one, this one was particularly clichéd. He didn’t know how he managed to get through half of it.  


Finally, when the boy and the girl met under the rain, both soaking wet, Stein had had enough. He reached for his remote to turn off the garbage, but his hand was stilled by the boy. He had a hand on his chest, and it looked familiar. He pointed the remote and television, and waited for a few seconds, waiting for the stupid boy who would probably get pneumonia to make the typical speech. Stein was suddenly curious, and he actually leaned forward in anticipation.  


A hand on his chest, the boy, rain water running down his face, started to yell (for some reason) at the drenched girl in front of him, “When I am with you…my heart feels like it’s about to rip out of my chest, but it is a good kind of pain. It’s all consuming, and I am not exaggerating. You are all consuming. You are on my mind all the time. Sometimes I hate how much power you have over me, but you know what I hate even more? Not being with you, because then I am miserable, always restless and my life never feels quite there. I don’t know. I guess what I really want to say is that I love you, and I want you to be m-“  


Stein hastily turned off the television, his hand shaking. He saw himself again, on a carpet floor, Joe reaching over and intertwining their fingers. Then he remembered Joe smiling at him teasingly and asking them to cuddle. Suddenly there was sharp pain in his chest and he brought his hand up, placed it there trying to soothe down his racing heart. He stared up at the ceiling in a sort of dazed wonder.  


There was a sudden clarity that swept over his entire body. It was like stepping outside and suddenly inexplicably understanding how gravity worked, really understood, felt it in your bones.  


He chuckled, “holy shit,” he mumbled in awe getting up and heading to his room to sleep.  


And when he settled neatly into his bed, he did so with an eerie calmness that masked the internal hysteria that was brewing within him.  


He silently cursed the boy from the film and hoped that the movie had ended with the boy dying of pneumonia, he momentarily felt guilty but then he wasn’t. Then he felt a brief admiration for the boy, and wondered if knowing what he knew now, he could do it too.  


If he had the bravery to look at Joe and tell him that he was absolutely in love with him. And not just the simple, falling in love love, but the completely and utterly kind, the kind that had been dormant for god knows how long, growing stronger with each passing year, until it was now almost uncontainable, leaking into every smile, every touch and every word he said.  


He couldn’t see him himself doing that. He lay on his bed thinking of a hundred ways he could say it. His mind raced until the birds outside welcomed the morning sunlight. And by morning, he had come to the conclusion that he would probably say it with a gun pointed squarely on his temple.


	28. Ship in the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom- Elizabeth Appell

Stein stewed in his feelings for what felt like an eternity, but what was actually two weeks in human time.  


As much as he didn’t want to say anything to Joe, he felt like he was being crushed under the weight of secrecy. It was starting to affect his mood, his lecturers and his interactions with Joe. Surprisingly, despite his confused emotions, things didn’t get too weird with Joe. Even if they did, he didn’t notice, he was too preoccupied with his feelings and desperate attempts at remaining normal to really pay attention.  


Sometimes when he felt desperate enough, he tried to run simulations of how it would be if he actually told Joe that he was in love with him. His simulations ended differently depending on his mood, some had dark endings-his head on a stick, and others ended with him wearing wedding band. His imagination dealt in dramatics. It was a way of compensating his general cool demeanor.  


Through all this, Stein failed to notice that Joe’s eyes now lingered for a fraction too long on his face, how flustered when Stein was close to him, which was constantly, because no matter what they were doing, they somehow always ended up right next to each other.  


He didn’t notice. At all.  


But Gordon and Cecile did. And it was drove them mad.  


**  


Cecile and Gordon were at the club. Gordon was behind the bar cleaning up the cups, and making sure the right liquor was on the counter. Jazz flowed through the room, and they both worked in silence like they usually did. Cecile had taken a break from cleaning and arranging the tables, to sit on a stool, watching Gordon tidy up the bar, it was business as usual at Knights, except that Cecile and Gordon were simmering in irritation.  


“Being around them these days feels like walking a tightrope that is slowly catching fire,” Cecile finally said with a sigh, sipping on her soda can.  


Gordon chuckled and nodded, his back to Cecile. It was weird that he could now hold a decent conversation with Cecile. They hadn’t really gotten along in the beginning for reasons he couldn’t remember. But when she had started dating Joe, things had cooled between them. Their mutual interest…well obsession with Stein’s and Joe’s relationship strengthened their friendship.  


It was simple, Gordon and Cecile had an unhealthy, and bizarre obsession with Joe and Stein, together. They drove them crazy. A disturbing sort of crazy that had them giggling whenever Joe and Stein simply interacted. For the last year, they had started exchanging messages whenever something remotely suggestive was said between Joe and Stein. And although Gordon and Cecile did at times talk about other things, 90 percent of their message had to do with Joe and Stein. They even had a nickname for them, Stoe. They were in hell, and they felt absolutely ridiculous.  


“Something is definitely different,” Cecile continued, tapping her perfectly manicured fingers on the bar table.  


“This has happened before, don’t get your hopes up, believe me,” Gordon replied solemnly turning around to give his friend a reproachful look.  


He had been witness to Joe and Stein’s dance for a few years now. Joe and Stein’s relationship was both simultaneously simple and really complicated.  


It was simple for Gordon when they all went out for drinks, joked around, made fun of each other, fought for each other and comforted each other. It was simple then; they were behaving like close friends. But it got complicated when Gordon would suddenly feel left out, and not left out in the sense that Joe and Stein were the best friends and he was the third friend, no, that, he could have understood. He felt left out when at some point during their lunches, or nights out, Joe and Stein would suddenly be right into each other’s personal spaces, laughing, touching a little too tenderly and leaning into each other to whisper something or another, completely forgetting that there were people around them. The first time it had happened he had felt a tinge of jealousy, feeling like maybe he was about to become the ignored third friend. But then after a while, he noticed it.  


He realized that he never touched Joe’s neck like that, and that he never held Stein’s waist like that, and that he definitely did not gaze at either of them the way they looked at each other. After that, he had relaxed, he wasn’t the neglected third friend after all. But his relaxed demeanor had quickly crumbled after when he realized how much he wanted his two friends to just see what he saw, and just get on with it. And four years later, they were still as oblivious.  


“We will be dead by the time anything happens,” Gordon added shrugging resigned, wiping liquor bottles.  


Cecile scoffed, “I fucking hope not. I broke up with Joe partly because of that you know.”  


Gordon didn’t reply but nodded, he knew how difficult it had been for Cecile to end her relationship with Joe. He glanced at her, and she looked back at him questioningly, then he asked cautiously, “You still have a thing for him?”  


Cecile raised a perfect eyebrow, her mouth twitching, then she giggled, waving her small hand, “Nooo! It was great with Joe. But it wasn’t passion and stares and sweaty palms. And I don’t want to be the poor shmuck who gets left at the altar when Joe realizes what he wants,” Cecile sighed then and shrugged winking at Gordon. “Maybe I should just be a whore like you.”  


Gordon glared at her, ignoring her not-so-well- hidden smirk, “For your information. I am a lover of love. I give love. I am like…,” but before he could continue whatever bullshit he was struggling to come up, his phone buzzed. He held up an index finger, and got his phone. He heard Cecile muttering, “oh thank god.” And his finger turned into the middle finger.  


He opened the message on his phone, it was from Stein.  


_You busy, can I call you? It’s very important. _  
__

____Gordon frowned, feeling worried. He put the wiper down, and leaned on the bar table, Cecile next to him, looking at him worriedly. He replied back quickly.  
_Sure. _  
__

___His phone rang, and he immediately picked it up.  
_ _ _

___“You alright Stein?”  
_ _ _

___On the other end he heard Stein’s soft voice answer reassuringly, “yes.” But Stein sounded very nervous.  
_ _ _

___“So what’s up then Mr. Professor?” Gordon said in a perfect British accent trying to lighten the mood. Stein was usually forlorn about something, and Gordon made it his constant mission to cheer up Stein whenever he could.  
_ _ _

___Stein cleared his throat elegantly, like he was some Englishman from the 11th century, “I am struggling with something.”  
_ _ _

___Gordon waited, then after a few moments of silence rolled his eyes, and asked, “What?”  
_ _ _

___“Have you ever watched Love in Rome? It’s a film.”  
_ _ _

___Gordon stared at Cecile perplexed, she shrugged in response; she couldn’t hear the conversation. Instead she reached over and grabbed a straw to chew on, a habit she had picked up from Gordon. Gordon decide to entertain Stein, sometimes he got into weird moods, and over time Gordon had learned that it was easier to just roll with them. So he racked his mind, and shook his head, “Mh. Don’t think so. It doesn’t seem like your type of movie either though.”  
_ _ _

___Gordon could almost see Stein frown and subsequent head shake, “no, definitely not. It’s a horrible film.”  
_ _ _

___Gordon even more mystified switched the phone to his other ear so maybe he could understand better, “soo…why are you asking me about a movie you are not interesting in, and you know I am not interested in?  
_ _ _

___Another long moment of silence stretched before them, and Gordon lost patience and threatened, “Okay, I am hanging up now.”  
_ _ _

___“No. Wait. I will tell you. I just don’t know how to start. It’s a big thing you know. Life changing,” Stein said quietly, his voice wavering.  
_ _ _

___Somehow Gordon didn’t think so, Stein tended to exaggerate sometimes, but Gordon was gentle in his reply, “just tell me man.”  
_ _ _

___“I know what my heart attack means,” was all Stein replied with.  
_ _ _

___Gordon paused, frowned, then his eyes widened, “WHAT?? You had a heart attack!!?”  
_ _ _

___Next to him, Cecile stood up straighter on her stool, and gave him a look. Gordon held up a hand to calm her, and waited for Stein to elaborate.  
_ _ _

___He heard Stein sigh on the other side, “no. not an actual heart attack. It’s a long story. But anyway I know what it means, and I don’t know how to tell Joe.”  
_ _ _

___Gordon let out a breath of relief and waved a hand at Cecile, indicating that it was fine. Cecile rolled her eyes, mouthed, ‘fucking drama queen’, Gordon grinned at that.  
_ _ _

___Then he reluctantly got back to the conversation he wasn’t understanding, “Yeaaaah. I don’t have a clue, a fucking clue of what you are trying to tell me man.”  
_ _ _

___Stein let out another exasperated sigh, and Gordon almost cussed him out, but he exercised his patience.  
_ _ _

___“I like Joe,” Stein finally whispered sounding scared.  
_ _ _

___Gordon shook his head in vexation, “well no shit you like Joe. I assume that’s why you are friends. I am definitely hanging up now, before you waste anymore of my time.”  
_ _ _

___Gordon didn’t notice how still Cecile had suddenly gotten, her straw hanging loosely in between her slightly open mouth.  
_ _ _

___“No! I mean I like Joe,” Stein exclaimed nervously, and waited for Gordon to reply.  
_ _ _

___But Gordon bless his soul, just squinted, and shrugged. As much as Gordon liked to make fun of his oblivious friends, he also had a measure of idiocy that made it easier for him to get along so well with his two friends.  
_ _ _

___This is something Cecile knew well, and she turned to look at Gordon, the straw falling out of her mouth.  
_ _ _

___“Is there a BUT that’s about to follow that confession Stein because I don’t understand what you are trying to say here,” Gordon replied sounding bored and annoyed.  
_ _ _

___Cecile’s hand gripped into his arm and he winced. He threw a questioning look, but she didn’t say anything. She just stared back at him wide eyed. Caught between two people he didn’t understand, he decided to finish with Stein quickly, before he lost all sensation in his arm.  
_ _ _

___Stein chuckled in surprise and groaned, “Jeez Gordon, do you want me to say it?”  
_ _ _

___Gordon almost threw his phone, “YES! I want you to say whatever you want to say! In clear English. No riddles, and nonsense. I don’t have time for that, I have a club to prepare.”  
_ _ _

___Cecile’s hand tightened even more on his arm, and Gordon tried to pry it off him, but it didn’t budge. Yep, he was going to lose his arm.  
_ _ _

___Stein was quiet again, so quiet that Gordon almost hung up on him, but before he did he heard Stein yell.  
_ _ _

___“I AM IN LOVE WITH JOE! I am in love… shit I am in love with Joe,” Stein blurted, a mixture of shock and resignation in his voice.  
_ _ _

___Gordon could have had a heart attack then. A real one. He turned to Cecile, his mouth now matching hers. They both stared at each other, looking like startled fish. He carefully placed the phone on the table, hand trembling and put his friend on loud speaker.  
_ _ _

___On the other line, he heard Stein stammer out nervously, “Have I just ruined everything?”  
_ _ _

___Cecile started to say something, but Gordon held up a finger. Then he tried to clear his head, this was not about him, this was about Joe. He struggled to find his voice, and Cecile’s death grip on his arm made the search go faster.  
_ _ _

___“NO! NO! It’s good. It’s good. Good. Nice. Good,” Gordon blurted, not sure how to form his happiness.  
_ _ _

___Stein laughed anxiously on the other side, “Really? You are not angry or something?”  
_ _ _

___The desperation in his voice calmed Gordon, and he smiled sadly, Cecile’s grip on his arm relaxed. “Stein. No. Never angry. I am with you. That’s what it means to be family right?”  
_ _ _

___Gordon heard Stein sniff and he rolled his eyes in Cecile’s direction. But she had a hand on her mouth, her other hand waving around. She looked like she was holding her breath.  
_ _ _

___“You being in love with Joe is something that is not bad or shameful,” Gordon replied carefully, and as the words spilled out in his mouth, he felt himself go slack in shock again. Next to him Cecile was off the stool, she was jumping up and down, her hand still on her mouth. Gordon was sure that he was grinning like a Cheshire cat.  
_ _ _

___Stein was still unsure, “You sure? I just want things to be normal.”  
_ _ _

___Gordon’s grin stretched, “Have you ever thought that there has never been normal for you and Joe?”  
_ _ _

___Cecile nodded in agreement with Gordon, leaning into Gordon’s space, so she could hear better.  
_ _ _

___“I don’t know. I keep picturing Joe angry. I can’t lose him Gordon,” Stein’s voiced mumbled through sounding small and insecure.  
_ _ _

___Cecile cooed silently and started fanning herself, tears in her eyes. Gordon also felt like he was melting but forced himself to keep talking, “He won’t, you won’t lose him. Just tell him. Don’t keep it bottled up.”  
_ _ _

___Stein was quiet again probably contemplating Gordon’s words. Which gave Gordon and Cecile to go through their emotions silently, throwing glances, waving their hands, Cecile kept giving him a thumbs up, and patting his shoulder, by the time Stein spoke, Cecile was gripping Gordon’s arm again, biting her lip to keep from saying something.  
_ _ _

___“Fine. I will tell him but I feel like I am about to throw up. Even telling you took me a few days, and a glass or two of wine.”  
_ _ _

___Gordon smiled, “I am glad you did. Everything will be fine,” then because despite everything Stein was his best friend, he added fiercely, “and if Joe acts like a dick after your confession, I will break every bone in his body.”  
_ _ _

___Stein laughed, “I don’t mind being rejected. I just don’t want what happened last time…”  
_ _ _

___Gordon almost groaned when he remembered that fiasco, besides him, Cecile rolled out her eyes probably thinking the same thing. She made a gesture, finger sliding across her neck, and Gordon agreed. “Oh don’t worry. We will bury him alive if he doesn’t take your confession like a fucking gentleman.”  
_ _ _

___Stein laughed sounding significantly less anxious, “Thanks Gordon. Thanks.”  
_ _ _

___Gordon was still grinning when Stein hung up, promising that he would tell Joe. Cecile was in front of him, grinning. They started shouting, and laughing, Cecile’s slaps on his arms were painful but he didn’t notice. In his glee, an idea suddenly occurred to Gordon, in that moment, he wasn’t sure if it was good or bad, so he looked at Cecile curiously.  
_ _ _

___Cecile’s grin faltered and her eyebrows raised curiously, “what?”  
_ _ _

___**  
_ _ _

___An hour later, when Bart returned from buying lemons, and some juice for cocktails, he found Cecile and Gordon, underneath behind the bar table, naked, and breathless.  
_ _ _

___After standing there in shock of a few seconds too long, Gordon finally noticed him and threw himself on top of Cecile to cover her nakedness. She chuckled, and murmured something in Gordons’ ear that Bart didn’t catch. Gordon laughed quietly, and continued to ignore Bart.  
_ _ _

___Bart didn’t say anything. He just placed the items on the bar table and walked away. He was shaken, and possibly scarred, the image of Gordon’ ass permanently lodged in his mind but he had long learned that when it came these kinds of things, it was best to keep your opinion to yourself._ _ _


	29. I know you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure.” ― Lemony Snicket

Stein had it all planned out.  


He was going to tell Joe during a random chess game. It would be subtle, and hopefully nonthreatening.  
Feeling foolish, he stood in front of his bathroom mirror and rehearsed. Suddenly, he couldn’t remember what he had done before. Didn’t he usually just ask them out? Or did they do it? Or did it just happen naturally? His mind was a mess. But he decided that either way this was different. This was Joe. His best friend, father of Iris, and a gang boss, it was never going to be that simple.  


But no matter how much he trained his face in the mirror, everything felt wrong. His face was too raw, his voice trembled, and his words seemed awkward and insincere. By the end of his confession, his lips were trembling, he was blinking too rapidly, and his hands had tremors. It was a disaster.  


After attempt number five, he gave up and decided that perhaps it would be better to coach himself on how he would handle rejection. It would be easy to keep his face stoic-that was his default setting after all. But the longer he thought of Joe rejecting him, backing away from him in disgust, the easier his stoic mask faltered eventually leaving a panicked look. Two hours later, Stein left his bathroom dejectedly, and went straight to bed. He didn’t have dinner, and the hunger in his stomach distracted him from the panicked thoughts in his mind.  


For the hundredth time he contemplated not telling Joe, but as ridiculous as it felt, Stein was willing to sacrifice everything on the off-chance that Joe reciprocated his feelings. That maybe after his confession, Joe would give him that bright smile of his, and gather him up in his arms.  


Stein fell asleep feeling the invisible arms of Joe around him.  


**  


Stein was acting weird. Well weirder than normal. And Joe was concerned.  


Stein kept frowning, his back was too straight, he kept gulping, and had avoided making eye contact from the moment Joe had walked through the doors. And he kept wringing his hands, Joe was afraid that at some point water would flow out of them. But the biggest thing was that Joe was actually winning the game. Which never happened. Ever.  


Finally Joe sighed, twirling a bishop in his fingers, he peered at Stein, and of course Stein avoided his glance, chewing on his bottom lips.  


“Okay. Okay. Spit it out,” Joe said, placing down his bishop and refusing to continue the game.  


Stein looked down, suddenly paying particular attention to the chess board. He shrugged, “nothing, it’s just…,” he paused and concentrated hard, not sure how to phrase it, “I need to say something and I am worried that you might not take it well.”  


Joe felt a prick of anger but he tried not to show it. When he spoke again, there was a sharpness in his tone, “Stein! Look at me.”  


Stein startled by the tone of Joe’s voice looked up and locked eyes with Joe. Joe sighed in relief and gave Stein a reassuring smile, “I don’t know how else to tell you that I won’t ever pull the shit I did last time.”  


Stein started to protest but Joe held up his hand and continued, “I don’t know how else to tell you that there is almost nothing you could tell me right now that would push me out of your life.”  


Stein opened his mouth and closed it, and Joe took the chance to finish what he wanted to say, “The only way you are ever leaving my side is if you choose to. When you pack your bags, tell me that you never want to see me again and leave.”  


It was a rare moment of honesty on Joe’s part, and although he felt himself getting embarrassed, he figured that his discomfort was a small price to pay in order to reassure Stein. Joe offered him a nervous smile that showed way too many teeth and tried to ignore that Stein was blushing. Stein returned it with a big grin that could have melted all the ice in the artic. Then he sighed and his grin disappeared, “what I need to say will change everything…but I need you to promise me that you won’t walk away.”  
Joe clenched his jaw, he couldn’t imagine what Stein wanted to tell him, and a part of him started to worry, thinking that maybe Stein was moving away again. Without giving it thought, he reached over and grabbed Stein’s trembling hand.  


“You are not going back to Ghana again are you? Missing the weather already?” Joe asked jokingly, even though his heart was in his mouth. Stein laughed quietly and squeezed Joe’s hand, “As much as I miss the tropical weather, I plan to live here for a long while.”  


Joe exhaled, grinning, his cheeks felt like they were aching, “good.” Then without thinking about it he added, “I don’t think I can live without you at this point.”  
The room go quiet and Joe realized what he had just said, and swallowed dryly. He couldn’t look at Stein, and as he looked away, he caught a glimpse of how still Stein was. He didn’t have to look closely to know that Stein was staring at him in shock. He felt hot, and terrified, and thought about how he could save face. The admission felt strangely like a love confession, and he was embarrassed.  


Before he could say anything, he heard Stein’s voice as if it was very far away.  


“I can’t live without you either,” Stein whispered in the tense silence.  


Joe felt the world shift beneath his feet. His heart was thumping against his chest, and he didn’t know how to reply. He thought about cracking a joke, but his mouth refused to open, suddenly too heavy. He refused to look up at Stein, and instead felt his breath quicken.  


A part of Joe knew what was happening, and Joe wished that Stein would stop talking, he wasn’t ready…he wasn’t like that. But Stein didn’t stop talking, he titled backwards and looked upwards.  


“At first, you know, I thought maybe that’s how it is supposed to be when you have a best friend. You want to be with them all the time, there is an ache in your heart when they smile at you or laugh at your jokes, you want to be the center of their world, and as much as I love Gordon…it’s not the same. With you…”Stein and ran his hand through his head titled head in frustration.  


Joe had a sneaking suspicion that he was about to have a panic attack. In his head, he was frantically pleading at Stein. _No don’t! I can’t! I can’t! _But he remained mute, his head still bowed, and his eyes shut tightly.  
__

__“With you, it feels all-consuming. You make up a huge part of what makes me happy,” Stein continued uncomfortable with what he was saying but refusing to be deterred now that he'd begun. He spoke to the ceiling, not daring to look at Joe. "I like being with you, Joe. When I am not with you, you are on my mind. And with each passing day, I feel like I am drowning in you," he admitted shakily. He clenched his eyes, knowing determinedly. "I am in-.” Stein didn’t get to finish his well-rehearsed and admittedly embarrassingly corny speech because suddenly Joe was up from the table, knocking over some chess pieces in the process. The screech of the chair was unnaturally loud, cutting through the silence in the room.  
_ _

__Stein didn’t look away from the ceiling, but heard Joe as he rushed out of his office. Stein didn’t have the voice to call out after him, and he just waited for Joe to slam the door behind him.  
_ _

__When Stein finally heard the door slam, he winced, and let out a heavy breath.  
_ _

__He scanned his ceiling, his confession echoing throughout the room, bouncing in each corner, taunting him. He almost chuckled, and realized that he had taken way too longer and added more things when he should have just cut to the chase and said what was important. To at least get the words out, because now they sat heavy on his tongue, leaving a bitter taste throughout his mouth. And that bitterness flowed through his entire body, leaving him empty.  
_ _

__He got up from his chair, mind reeling, and slowly walked to lock the door. He leaned on the door, feeling weak, like he had just run a marathon. As he made his way back to where the chess board was, he let out a low frustrated growl that surprised him. He was breathing heavily, and making small turns, wanting to punch, wanting to throw, wanting to scream, he regretted that he wasn’t in his house. He stared down at the chess board, and saw Joe’s bishop right next to his queen. He blinked realizing that Joe had actually won the game. He started laughing, pain ripping through his chest, cementing his insecurities, his fears, and anger.  
_ _

__The fucker had actually won the game.  
_ _

__He fell down on the floor his laugh dying out slowly. He thought about calling Gordon, but decided to pull himself together first. So he curled into a fetus position. He fell silly, but he was hoping that if he lay like that, hands pressed against his chest, he could keep his heart from completely breaking apart.  
_ _

__**  
_ _

__Joe didn’t know what possessed him when he bolted out the room in the middle of Stein’s sentence. It was like sudden unimaginable fear seized him, and he felt like suffocating. He hadn’t meant to leave, but he found himself out of Stein’s office, and walking outside pass the university building, his heart hammering, and his sight blurry.  
_ _

__The further he walked, the worse he felt.  
_ _

__He had promised that he wouldn’t leave Stein no matter what. He had assured him that he wouldn’t pull the shit he did the last time. He had promised…  
_ _

__By the time he fully realized just how monumentally he had fucked up, it was late, the sun already behind the horizon. Still scared, he picked up his phone to call Stein, because no matter how scared he was of his feelings, it paled in comparison with how terrified he was of losing Stein.  
_ _

_____Because… ___  
He listened, the house too quiet, as the phone rang, over and over and over. He called again and again and again, until his phone was hot on his ear.  
He didn’t know how many calls he made, but each missed call dug him further to a hole. His hands were clammy, and he was sweating.  
He fell asleep, phone on his ear, and a silent curse on his mouth.  
Shit.  


___**  
_ _ _

___His phone rang waking Joe up. He shot up on the couch, hoping that it was Stein.  
_ _ _

___He felt crushingly disappointed when he saw the caller ID. He picked up his phone distractedly, “Hey.”  
_ _ _

___On the other side of the phone, a similar calm voice replied, “did you fuck it up?”  
_ _ _

___Joe blinked in surprise, “now is not a good time Gordon.”  
_ _ _

___Gordon asked again, his voice deathly calm, “Did. You. Fuck. It. Up. Joe?”  
_ _ _

___Joe squinted his eyes, and immediately knew what Gordon was talking about, he stammered, “what…what, did Stein say something to you? Did he call you?”  
_ _ _

___There was a long silence, then a loud sigh flowed out of the mouthpiece and Joe almost felt the breath on his cheek, “No Joe, he didn’t. I just figured that’s how you would react. You are very predictable. I was hoping that for once…”  
_ _ _

___Joe didn’t say anything in reply and he lay back on the couch, closing his eyes mournfully, “yeah well…”  
_ _ _

___They were both quiet, Joe was surprised that Gordon wasn’t angry. When he spoke again, his voice still had the same tranquility to it, “Joe? can I ask you something?”  
_ _ _

___Joe opened his eyes slowly, and frowned, Gordon never asked permission to speak his mind. Joe nodded tiredly then remembered that Gordon couldn’t see him, “yeah. Okay. What?”  
_ _ _

___The other side was quiet again, like Gordon was contemplating. Joe would have chuckled if he didn’t feel like he didn’t feel like shit at the moment, Gordon never ‘contemplated’ anything.  
_ _ _

___“Have you ever thought about kissing Stein?” was the honest question from Gordon.  
_ _ _

___The question sucked all the air out of the room, and Joe coughed nervously, “wh-wha...what kind, the fuck are you talking about?” he stuttered, his heart thrashing, Joe actually had to place a hand on his chest.  
_ _ _

___“Do you feel like touching him all the time, for no particular reason except to just touch him?” Gordon continued casually like he hadn’t just emotionally turned Joe upside down and slapped him a couple of times. Joe’s cough got significantly louder and at this point he was sure that Gordon could hear his frantic heartbeat. He tried to joke and insult Gordon, but the only noise that came out of his throat was a soft gasp.  
_ _ _

___“Does Stein make things better even when he is being absolutely irritating? Like everything feels just right, especially when he is close to you? When you are both laughing, or playing chess, and especially when he does that thing where he crowds your space when he is feeling uncomfortable?” Gordon continued in the same tone, but his tone felt like it held a smile. Joe wasn’t coughing anymore. Gordon continued on merciless, “When you close your eyes and picture a life without Stein, is it in color?” Gordon let out a small chuckle. “As stupid as that sounds I bet you know what I mean.”  
_ _ _

___Joe lips trembled in a very unmanly manner, and he felt his eyes start to sting a little.  
_ _ _

___“And before you start telling me shit. I want you to think hard, really hard about what Stein means to you, and what you want him to mean to you.” Gordon finished kindly, sensing that he was stirring things in Joe that he wasn’t brave enough to face alone.  
_ _ _

___Joe stammered but didn’t say anything. The silence could have lasted for an hour, but Joe found his voice, raspy and uneven as it was, “but…but I can’t.”  
_ _ _

___Gordon made an exasperated sound, “can’t?”  
_ _ _

___Joe tried to find the words, “I can’t feel like this… I mean… I am not gay”  
_ _ _

___And that might have been Gordon’s last straw. He breathed in loudly, and yelled, Joe jumped.  
_ _ _

___“I FUCKING SWEAR TO GOD JOE! LOVE IS LOVE, YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER, “he paused his yelling and tried to calm his voice, he partially succeeded, “UNLESS, you want to spend your entire life being too stupid, you better get yourself together. If you ever call me again and tell me shit like-” He paused and very mockingly mimicked Joe’s voice. “I am not gay. I am Joe West. I can’t feel what I feel because I can’t be gay and have shit for brains, I will order your men to shoot you down.”  
_ _ _

___Joe wasn’t sure whether to be shocked or impressed. Much more calmly, Gordon added, but there was still a layer of anger and threat in his voice, “whether you figure it out or not. Go talk to Stein. You fix this. I can’t choose between you or Stein. You fix this or lose it all.”  
_ _ _

___Joe didn’t know what else to say, so he nodded numbly, “okay.”  
_ _ _

___Gordon replied sounding relieved, “Good.”  
_ _ _

___Despite the outburst, there was a comfortable silence that was common between two friends who had seen each other grow through the years. And when Gordon spoke again, it was in a quiet fond voice that he used very rarely, “what you feel now doesn’t delete your past or make it any less significant. You loved Fran, and she loved you very much. But she also wanted you to be happy.”  
_ _ _

___Joe gripped his phone tightly, and smiled, letting himself tear up just a little. “She did. She would have liked you and Stein very much.”  
_ _ _

___Before Joe could say anything else, Gordon interrupted at the speed of light, “ahh speaking of past loves, I slept with Cecile, might do it again, hope it isn’t weird. If it, it’s too late. Sorry.”  
_ _ _

___Gordon hung up before Joe could say anything. Joe blinked and stared at his phone.  
_ _ _

___That little shit, he thought to himself, but he was grinning.  
_ _ _

___If it had been a normal day, Joe would have hounded Gordon for an explanation but he was too preoccupied.  
_ _ _

___He needed someone to talk to, and funny enough, the person he really wanted to talk to was Stein.  
_ _ _

___He fidgeted with his phone for a few minutes. Then abruptly he came to a decision.  
_ _ _

___He was a startled. Could it really be that easy? He stared in the silence again, and realized that yes, it could really be that simple.  
_ _ _

___Eager, he dialed Stein’s number again, and waited.  
___

___ _

___There was no answer.  
___

___ _

___**  
_ _ _

___The following day, Joe couldn’t reach Stein for the entire day. Saying that he was just a little hysterical was an understatement. He came very close to ordering everyone from the gang to look for him, but Gordon gave him a look that stilled his plan. And he went back to quietly hyperventilating and pretending that everything was okay.  
_ _ _

___During his meetings with other gangs he kept sneaking off to try and call Stein. Every few hours, he passed by the university and a few times, went by Stein’s apartment. The third time he was at Stein’s apartment, he nearly knocked over Stein’s apartment door. He kept picturing Stein, a continent away, sipping on a cocktail by the beach, enjoying life without him.  
_ _ _

___Eventually, exhausted from worrying, Joe just went home, and sulked in misery.  
_ _ _

___When Iris got back home from after-school activities that evening, she found him on the couch an arm over his eyes, groaning and mumbling something. She approached him cautiously. “Dad? Everything okay?”  
_ _ _

___Joe didn’t look at his daughter, he shook his head. “I think Stein left again.”  
_ _ _

___Iris grew quiet, her lips pursed, she put her backpack down and sat down on the couch. She pushed her father’s legs out of the way, and Joe finally looked out her way, his face miserable. Iris sighed, the frequency of her father and Stein’s fights was starting to worry but she managed a small reassuring smile, “he wouldn’t do that.”  
_ _ _

___Joe huffed, and got up to give his daughter a quick kiss on the forehead, “I wouldn’t be so sure. He is probably already on a flight to Kenya or Ghana or whatever else has nice weather.”  
_ _ _

___He got up shedding his miserable demeanor because he didn’t like it when his daughter saw him as anything but strong. He gave her a forced smile, “want me to make you something for snack?”  
_ _ _

___Iris gave Joe a pointed look, and got up, “Dad, Stein isn’t going anywhere. No way. And no I can warm something from the fridge.”  
_ _ _

___Joe threw Iris a genuine grin and ruffled her hair playfully, “that’s my girl.”  
_ _ _

___Iris growled, and swatted his hand away, “If you promise never to do that to my hair ever again, I will tell you where Stein is.”  
_ _ _

___Joe’s eyes shot up with hope, but he forced himself to look cool, he smirked at Iris, “you don’t know where he is.” His eyes narrowed dubiously, “Do you?”  
_ _ _

___Iris huffed in disbelief, and tugged her father off the couch, and started walking both of them towards the door. “Oh I definitely do. I am surprised that you don’t.”  
_ _ _

___Feeling more hopeful, Joe grabbed his keys and followed Iris. Iris opened the door, and gestured outside. When she noticed the keys in Joe’s hand, she casually grabbed them. Iris shook her head slowly and folded her arms, “No need for the car.” He shrugged and started ushering her out the door, but she shook her head again. “And I am not going with you. I brought him home the first time. It’s your turn. Now go. He is probably cold,” she said the last part with a bit of sadness in her voice.  
_ _ _

___Joe was confused, and shook his head, “eh?”  
_ _ _

___Iris giggled in disbelief, and palmed her face, “jeez dad!” Then she gasped and ran back into the house, leaving Joe even more perplexed. When she came back to the door she was holding a bar of chocolate, and a scarf, she gave them to Joe, and Joe took the chocolate cautiously, like it was a ticking bomb.  
_ _ _

___Iris grinned widely, “He will probably want candy. And wear this it’s cold out there.”  
_ _ _

___When Joe remained rooted on the floor, his brows furrowed and she rolled her eyes dramatically, “Just take a walk in the park.”  
_ _ _

___Then it dawned on Joe, and he let out a quiet, “oh.”  
_ _ _

___Iris chuckled again, “aaannd he finally gets it.”  
_ _ _

___Before he could retort, she shoved him out of the house, and closed the door.  
_ _ _

___Joe shook his head and tied the scarf tighter around his neck, and pulled his black beanie down his head.  
_ _ _

___He didn’t need his fedora. He was going to see Stein as a friend after all.  
_ _ _

___“Little rascal,” he muttered, but there was a big smile on his face.  
_ _ _

___**  
_ _ _

___After an hour of wandering around in the nearly deserted park, Joe decided that his daughter wasn’t a little rascal but a full blown demon. It was cold, he was slightly lost. And there was no sign of Stein.  
_ _ _

___“Iris. I am going to ground her to kingdom come,” he muttered to himself, scaring away the only few people in the park. He searched the park, eyes narrowed, and his face set in a tight deathly grin.  
_ _ _

___“I am going to-,” he paused when his eyes landed on a man wearing a black shirt, his pale white skin encapsulated with goose bumps, and from the fog that wisped out of his mouth, his breath seemed to be coming out slow. He was clutching a briefcase. His head was bowed, his blonde hair that fell forward his face, and from afar it looked like he had silver hair.  
_ _ _

_______Stein. ___  
Something in Joe gave out. He let out a relieved sigh, it felt like he had been holding his breath since storming out of Stein’s office.  


___He hesitated, but started to walk towards Stein. He felt aware of everything, the crunch beneath his feet, his heavy breath, the distance voices of human and nature. Everything was enhanced, and the walk to Stein felt like it took a century. The closer he got, the brighter Stein looked. Joe was sure it was just trick of the light but he could have sworn that Stein was emitting a soft distance light that tugged at his memory and calmed his heart.  
_ _ _

___Finally sensing his presence, even though he was still far away, Stein turned and saw Joe walking toward him. His expression went from solemn to wary, and Joe could also see a flicker of anger and hurt. Stein entire posture tensed, and he took a step backward as if he wanted to run away. But he seemed to decide against it, and just stood still, his jaw set in determination, his eyes turning cold. Stein had never looked at him like that, and Joe almost turned around. But he was done, Joe was done with running. He really wanted to touch that light that was coming from Stein, even thought it was probably his imagination.  
_ _ _

___Steadfast, Joe walked and kept his eyes fixed at Stein, never breaking his gaze, trying to hold him there with just his eyes. He almost laughed with relief when he stood right in front of Stein, an arm reach away. He didn’t laugh, but he smiled ignoring that Stein didn’t look like he was happy to see him. Stein’s eyebrows furrowed, and a slow scowl appeared on his mouth. Joe wanted to smooth it away, and tell him that he was glowing, that he was beautiful. But instead he reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of chocolate. Wordlessly, he offered it to Stein. Stein looked down at the chocolate, and hesitated, then his mouth twitched, and he grabbed the candy.  
_ _ _

___By the time he bit into the chocolate, there was a hint of a smile on his face, he was probably thinking about his first encounter with Iris. But he didn’t say anything. Joe watched and couldn’t help but grin widely. And even though Stein avoided Joe’s eyes, his posture still tense, Joe could have cried then.  
_ _ _

___Stein wasn’t gone. He was right in front of him, eating chocolate, and trying not to smile.  
_ _ _

___Joe could have stayed with Stein like that until the stars twinkled in the sky and after.  
_ _ _

___But suddenly he felt something wet land on his cheek, and looked up confused. He smiled when he saw small specks of snow start to twirl from the heavens. He looked down and saw that Stein was also looking up at the sky, a gentle smile on his face.  
_ _ _

___Still looking up at the sky, Stein rubbed his arms, shivering slightly, his chocolate momentarily forgotten.  
_ _ _

___Joe opened his mouth to say something, but instinctively knew that Stein didn’t want to hear anything from him at the moment.  
_ _ _

___So, gently, he unwrapped his scarf off his neck, and walked closer to Stein. His movement attracted Steins’ attention, and he looked back at him, gentle smile disappearing. Still holding his gaze, Joe threw his scarf around Stein’s neck and pulled him closer. He was close enough for him and Stein to share the same breath, but Joe held steady, butterflies fluttering pleasantly in his stomach. He looked down slightly to make sure that the scarf was wrapped properly around Stein’s neck. He looked up again when he was finished and realized that he was close enough to see the pink splattered on Stein’s cheeks-close to see that Stein’s lips had lost a little color from the cold. He was warmed by the proximity, he felt enveloped by the phantom glow he had seen emit from Stein. When he drew back, sad to leave the cocoon of Stein’s closeness, he observed Stein, hoping that he wouldn’t flee from him. Stein was looking apprehensive again, and he fidgeted with the scarf. His scowl deepened, and he looked flustered.  
_ _ _

___But neither said anything.  
_ _ _

___A small white speck landed on Stein’s pink nose, and without thinking much about it, Joe reached over and wiped it off. He frowned when another landed on Stein’s flushed cheek, so he brushed off that one also. He let out an annoyed huff, when a few more landed on Stein’s forehead, cheeks and nose. And surrendering himself to Stein’s warmth, Joe stepped closer once, and placed his hands on Stein’s face, cradling his face in his hands.  
_ _ _

___Stein was staring at him wide-eyed, his mouth slightly parted, fog flowing out his mouth and surrounding the small space between them. Joe heart clenched, but it was different this time; the clench was pleasant, excited, not the conflicted pain he usually felt. At the realization, a small smile formed on his lips, eye still holding Stein in place.  
_ _ _

___Joe could have apologized then, he was sure that Stein would have understood. But instead, he leaned over into Stein, and placed a chaste kiss on his nose. He felt Stein gasp and his smile widened despite how nervous he was. And just to make sure that Stein knew it wasn’t an accident, he left two more gentle kisses on his nose before backing away.  
_ _ _

___Stein stood there, limp, arms dangling on his sides, but he no longer looked angry or wary. He just looked confused and very pink.  
_ _ _

___Wordlessly Joe reached out his hand, it hung between them for a few seconds. And Joe gave Stein a pleading look. Stein looked into his eyes, his eyes squinting a little. It was then that Joe realized that he wasn’t wearing his glasses. Joe was patient, hand still outstretched, he would leave it there until Stein either took it or walked away.  
_ _ _

___After what felt like an eternity, Stein took it, letting out an exasperate noise, and shaking his head. Joe’s knees nearly buckled underneath him, his nerves felt like they were frying.  
_ _ _

___Joe intertwined their fingers together. He didn’t turn to look at Stein but instead spoke for the first time, “your hands are cold. Do you want hot coco?”  
_ _ _

___Stein shifted closer to him so that their shoulders were touching. In a whisper that sounded as sweet as the moment was, Stein answered, “Yeah. I would like that very much.”  
_ _ _

___**  
_ _ _

___When they got back to Joe’s, they still hadn’t said anything else. The air around them was electrified. There were right at the precipice of something, and it was absolutely terrifying, even for Stein who knew exactly who and what he wanted.  
_ _ _

___Joe and Stein stood in the living room awkwardly, until Joe decided to do what he had promised first, to at least, diffuse some of the tension.  
_ _ _

___“Hot coco coming right up,” Joe announced already walking towards the kitchen.  
_ _ _

___Stein found his voice, “Thanks, your hot coco owns my soul.”  
_ _ _

___Joe grinned happily before stepping into the kitchen.  
_ _ _

___He noticed a note of the fridge.  
_ _ _

_______I am with Gordon and Betty, they took me shopping. Will see you in an hour or two. Give Stein a hug for me in case he is gone when I come back. ___  
Joe shook his head, with an amused smile. He fished for his phone to check if Iris was actually with Gordon, but before he could call, a message came through.  


_With Iris. No worries. Take care of your drama. ___  


Joe replied, shaking his head.  


_This isn’t a high school romantic comedy. Anyway, I am home with Stein. You guys can head back if you want. _  
__

__“Do you want whipped cream with your coco Stein?” Joe asked as he looked for mug, the note quickly forgotten.  
_ _

__

___When Joe was met with silence, he put the mugs down and went to check on Stein. He found Stein pacing back and forth, hand running through his head.  
_ _ _

___“What you doing there Stein?” Joe asked warily. “You still thinking about coco?” Joe added desperately stepping a little closer to the disconcerted man.  
_ _ _

___Stein didn’t look at Joe, instead he stopped pacing, closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath, “I can’t do this.”_ _ _


	30. Yellow and Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Youth is a dream, a form of chemical madness.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald,

Unaware of the drama that was taking place in her house, Iris tried on another dress. It was cheaper, which was good. She really didn’t want to spend too much on a one-time party dress. Inside the changing room she grumbled testily, “How many of these am I going to try on? Dad said we could go back home.”  


She stepped out in a strapless blue silk dress, and gave a half-hearted twirl. Gordon and Cecile clapped politely, not looking enthused. Cecile stared then shook her head, “I don’t like it.” Gordon went back to texting on his phone, and added with forced enthusiasm. “We are leaving here when we find you a dress for the dance.”  


He didn’t really care much about looking for a dress but Cecile had insisted that Iris would stay at the mall longer if Gordon was with them. They needed to give Stein and Joe time alone to sort out their issues, and they had a lot of issues. Maybe twenty dresses worth of issues, Cecile had guaranteed, slipping on her jeans, before they went to pick Iris up.  


Their relationship or whatever it was, was something they didn’t really talk about. It wasn’t complicated. They had sex sometimes, and they both enjoyed it. Cecile had consoled too many of Gordon’s one night stands to entertain the idea that what they were could be anything more.  


Iris rolled her eyes and whined, “You have said that to ten of the dresses I have tried on.”  


Cecile shrugged giving Iris a look, “Well, did you like any of the dresses you tried on?”  


Iris scrunched her nose and shrugged, “Not particularly, but I don’t care. Let’s goo...”  


Imperceptibly Gordon shook his head in the corner of Cecile’s eyes. It wasn’t time to go yet.  


Cecile stood up, and walked towards Iris and placed her hand on her bare shoulder. She searched her eyes and Iris stared back patiently. Then Cecile had an idea, “Okay. Who will you be going with to the dance?”  


Iris bit her lip, and looked at her hands, “I am going to prom with Karen and Barry.”  


Cecile knew immediately. She had been a girl once after all. She tried to hide her smirk and raised her eyebrow, “Oh so you are going with Barry?”  


Iris looked at her surprised and was immediately flustered. She stammered out a reply, “Barry AND Karen. The three of us will be going together.” Cecile almost rolled her eyes. This whole oblivious thing ran in the family.  


Trying to be as nonchalant as possible, Cecile shrugged, “Okay so what are Barry’s favorite colors?”  


Iris gave her confused look but answered without missing a beat, “yellow and red.”  


Cecile grinned and clapped her hand excitedly, “so let’s find a dress with those colors.”  


Iris started to protest, but clammed up because suddenly the thought of wearing Barry’s favorite colors gave her a warm feeling in the pit of her stomach. Cecile peered at her with a gentle smile, “that’s alright isn’t it?  


Iris nodded, her head dropping, she shuffled feeling spectacularly shy. “Yeah that would be okay.”  


She went back into the changing room and got out of the silk blue dress, then followed Cecile, feeling excited for the first time since they had entered the store.  


Gordon watched the entire exchange with a fond smile, he wasn’t sure if he was directing it to Iris or Cecile. He sighed and leaned back on the chair, holding paper bags of clothes. He realized that Cecile was probably the only woman who could get him to do nearly anything. He smiled, and closed his eyes.  


He woke up with a start, and found Cecile leaning over him, her black hair falling nearly touching his face. He almost reached over to tuck it back her ear but held himself. She threw him a grin and nodded towards the dressing room, “I think we found the dress. After this we go eat and then back to Joe’s. They should be done by then.”  


Gordon stretched, he felt like he had slept well, which made him wonder how long Cecile and Iris had been looking for a dress. He shrugged, “Cool. Betty will be coming over today anyway. Bart has gone to pick her up. And I promised to make dinner for the little brat, I also invited Bart.”  


Cecile bumped her shoulder on his playfully and gave him a wink, “I will help you make you dinner as a reward for being a good sport.”  


Gordon grinned cheekily and leaned over, his lips brushing her ear, “I will prefer another sort of award.” She shuddered, a grin on her face, but she pushed him away, “behave.”  


Gordon laughed and backed away hand raised, “Fine. But I get to choose my award.” Cecile chuckled, shaking her head.  


Compelled by some sappy and mysterious power, Gordon leaned over and pressed his lips in her hair, giving her a fond kiss. She smelled like apples and cinnamon. She looked at him, taken aback, and leaned away from him. He understood her wariness. Their relationship wasn’t like that. It wasn’t supposed to be endearing. She started to frown ready to remind him, but saw the smile on his face and stopped. He scratched his cheek nervously, “but it would be nice if you would help me make dinner. It’s more fun when you are around.”  


Cecile blinked, her palms started to feel sweaty, her stomach was doing summersaults and her heart picked up speed. She remembered a conversation with Joe involving sweaty palms and fast heartbeats, and she suddenly grew very concerned. She kept looking at Gordon, until he started blushing, her shock doubled and she blinked rapidly. She had never seen Gordon blush. Ever. Was it because of her? She felt a warmth spread in her chest, but then she turned away from him. She clasped her hands in her lap and sighed. This was not good.  


“I don’t want to be a conquest James Gordon. And I certainly don’t want to hate you,” she whispered, not looking at him.  


They were quiet, the words hanging in between them.  


“I don’t want you to be another conquest. And I definitely don’t want you to hate me,” Gordon responded honestly.  


His relationship with Cecile was too important for him to rush into anything.  


“Let’s stop the sex,” Gordon suggested, not believing himself as he said it.  


Cecile turned towards him, mouth agape, “what?”  


Gordon shrugged, actually smiling like it was the greatest announcement in the world, “let’s stop the sex!”  


Cecile peered at him suspiciously, then Gordon scooched right next to her, and grabbed her small hand in his, “let’s take this,” He gestured between them. “Whatever this is. Slowly. Whatever happens happens.”  


Cecile considered it, then gave him a brilliant smile and squeezed his hand, and nodded in agreement, “Whatever happens happens.”  


They sat there, content and slightly lost in each other, until Iris coughed irritably.  


They turned towards the young lady and stared dumbfounded.  


She shifted embarrassed by their sudden and undivided attention, “So. Is it okay?”  


Cecile got up, hand on her mouth, “oh honey. You are beautiful.”  


From his sit, Gordon was grinning as well, “Yes. You are beautiful.” But again, he wasn’t sure whether he was talking about Cecile or Iris.  


They bought the dress, and went to eat at the food court. Iris was too happy about the dress to complain about going home.  


**  


In the same mall, one floor above them, in a little suit shop owned by Eddie’s uncle, Eddie stood there with his boyfriend, observing himself in the mirror.  


Leo came up behind him, grinning ear to ear. He was in a suit as well. He placed his head on Eddie’s shoulder, looking at their reflections in the mirror. They looked happy. Leo wasn’t used to seeing himself looking so blissful.  


Eddie tilted his head his head touching Leo’s, and muttered, “You look handsome in that suit.”  


Leo smiled at Eddie and placed a quick peck on his cheek, “You too.”  


Then Leo’ sighed and glanced away from the mirror. “I probably won’t be able to afford this suit though, so don’t get used to seeing me in it.”  


Eddie frowned, not sure how to broach the subject. He had discovered the hard way that Leo didn’t like charity, especially from him.  


He was quiet in thought, and didn’t realize that Leo was off his shoulder and walking away. But before Leo get out of his reach, Eddie grabbed his wrist, biting his lip thoughtfully.  


“I want to do it.”  


Leo looked at him eyebrows raised, then he smirked cheekily, “you want to. Here? I didn’t think you were into that kind of thing Eddie.”  


Eddie was puzzled, then realizing what Leo was talking about, felt his face start to heat up. He pulled Leo towards him, punching him on the shoulder, making a face, “No, you perv.”  


Leo laughed lightheartedly and winked, “one day.”  


Eddie face got redder, and he tried to ignore Leo’s lewd motion with his lips, and pressed on, “I want to buy you the suit.”  


Leo’s playful face dropped and was replaced by a grave look. He stated to back away slowly, but Eddie kept a tight grip on his wrist, “No. Listen. I want to. I have been saving up to get you a gift. And I want to. Please let me.”  


Leo was openly scowling now and his voice was an angry whisper, “You know how much I hate that kind of shit Eddie.”  


Eddie stumbled on his words, not letting go Leo’s hand, his voice was desperate, “but it’s a gift. Can’t I buy you a gift?”  


Leo wretched his hand from Eddie and turned away from him. And Eddie also snapped, feeling anger coil up in his stomach.  


“Fuck you! I know that you are poor! And I am rich. I know that you have a fucked up family, while my family is normal. I know that your life has been hard growing up, and mine has been easier. But damn it! That isn’t us! That shouldn’t be what defines our relationship! I shouldn’t be fucking scared of buying you shit because you might think it’s fucking charity! I shouldn’t be worried about taking you to meet my parents because I am worried I will be showing off. I just want you to be happy. I want us to be happy. Why do you have to be such a stubborn asshole?!”  


Eddie was yelling now, attracting attention of some customers. He turned away, feeling embarrassed, hands on his face. Then he whispered more to himself than Leo, “I just want us to be happy.” His hands dropped from his face, and he felt exhausted. He couldn’t bring himself to turn around fearing that Leo was gone. But then he felt Leo behind him, and breathed in relief. He hadn’t left.  


Leo hugged him from behind, and nuzzled his face in his hair, “I am sorry.”  


Eddie relaxed in Leo’s embrace and squeezed the familiar arms around him. He replied mournfully, “And I am sorry that you haven’t had a better life.”  


Leo nestled in Eddie’s neck and his voice came out muffled, “I have Mick. And one day, when we have enough money, we will leave that house. And I will find you, and buy you anything you want.”  


Eddie actually felt himself start to tear up. Maybe it was because of the sincerity in Leo’s voice or because Leo was leaning into him like he was his lifeline, but it was all overwhelming.  


“I would run with you and Mick,” Eddied whispered honestly, because for him, really Leo was his home.  


Leo’s arms squeezed tighter around him, “I wouldn’t make you do that.”  


Before Eddie could protest, Leo lifted himself off his shoulder and turned him around in his arms, so that they were embracing. Eddie ignored the other customers that kept throwing them glances, and just enjoyed the arms wrapped around him.  


In the noisy mall, in a little suit shop, Leo made a vow to Eddie.  


“I am going to marry you one day Eddie Thawne.”  


Eddie gasped and chocked in a sob, and he made his own vow, “I am never letting you go Leonard Snart.”  


And even though the moment was emotional for both boys, Leo chuckled, “You are going to have to, if you want to buy me this fancy suit.”  


Eddie laughed and squeezed his boyfriend tightly.  


Yes, he could be a stubborn sarcastic asshole, but damn if he didn’t love the shit out of him.  


**  


On the second floor in a Jewelry shop, Oliver leaned over and looked at earrings, and pointed at a pair with red stones. Next to him Diggle nodded his approval.  


Yeah Felicity would like that.  


In his hand, Diggle held a yellow bag, it had Laurel’s prom dress that she had asked for them to pick up.  


**  


Freaky enough, on the fourth floor, of the exact same mall, Caitlin sat getting her nail painted. She had chosen a dull yellow, and it actually looked good.  


She turned around, “What did he say?”  


In the sit next to hers Cisco peered at her phone, there was a white towel wrapped prettily around his head. Caitlin was itching to take a photo but Cisco had seized her phone.  
“He says he can’t wait to see you tomorrow,” he gagged giving Caitlin a look. “You and Ronnie should just start dating already.”  
Caitlin blushed a bright red.  
**  
On the other side of the town, in another mall, Kara was having a miserable time. She had wanted to go shopping with Cecile and Iris but her sister had guilt-tripped her into going with her and her girlfriend instead. And for some reason Diana had decided to tag along, which meant that Bruce, Clark and Stewart had also tagged along.  


She hadn’t bought a dress yet, she just sat in a chair munching on a salad her sister had bought her as an apology.  


She stared slightly amused at Bruce and Clark. They were in their suits and Bruce was fixing Clark’s mangled tie, while Clark grumbled, “I can tie my own tie.”  


Bruce’s face remain stoic, “A tie is not a shoelace. You don’t do the same thing.”  


Clark actually pouted, “I figured it may work the same way.”  


Kara almost chocked on a sliced tomato when Bruce, Bruce Wayne, smiled. She blinked. But apparently Clark was used to such behavior because he just frowned, “are you making fun of me?”  


Bruce’s face returned to its default stoic expression, “Never.”  


Kara eyes widened, Bruce being sarcastic. Before she could comment, Diana waltzed in the shop holding a big bag. Diana winked at Kara and gave her the bag. Stewart, and her sister hovered behind Diana wearing big grins.  


Kara stared down at the bag confused. Her sister spoke behind Diana, the smile stretching wide, “You will love it. Your favorite colors red and blue!”  


She opened the bag slowly, and gasped.  


She did love it. It was prettiest dress she had never seen.  


Her irritation forgotten, she gazed at her dress.  


In the background, she heard Stewart whisper to Diana, “I hope you didn’t buy yourself that ugly yellow dress.”  


Kara didn’t turn around to know that Diana had just smacked Stewart on his head.  


**  


While the youth enjoyed their day at the mall.  


Bart waited at the airport for Betty. He had been waiting for over an hour now. It was hot. And he silently cursed Gordon for convincing…no bullying him into picking up his daughter.  


He scanned the crowd once again, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. He had never met her, but Gordon had promised him that he wouldn’t miss her.  


Then he caught a glimpse of fiery red. A woman wheeled towards him, her fiery red hair flowing behind her in a curly pony tail. She noticed him and his sign, and waved at him, giving him an apologetic smile.  


As Bart stared at her, he realized something surprising about himself. He really loved red heads. And not just any red heads. The type that had bright smiles, and red t-shirts with corny math jokes.  


And as Betty drew closer to the sweaty young man with a nervous smile, Bart, her father had told him, she also came to a spectacular realization. She really liked men who wore bright yellow shirts, and had messy brown hair.  


In the airport, as friends reunited with each other, families met again after years of separation, and businessmen landed back into their cities, a young freckled young man and a smart red-head gazed at each other grinning abnormally wide for two strangers.  


For once in his life, Bart whispered a sincere thank you to Gordon, wherever he was.


	31. Between the Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space.”― Marilyn Monroe

Joe felt like Alice, from Wonderland. He had never really liked the story. It had scared him as a child. He couldn’t imagine tumbling endlessly into a black hole, not knowing if there was an end. But in that moment, he empathized with little Alice, feeling like he was quickly falling through darkness.  


He didn’t know what to say. If he had been a man of words and bravado, he would have actually started dancing and singing to a musical about forgiveness. But he wasn’t like that. He was Joe West. So he blinked for too long, and remained quiet for even longer.  


When Stein remained motionless, Joe felt like he was starting to suffocate on his panic.  


He took a step closer, but Stein held up a hand to stop him. Joe stood still feeling defeated, his hands were trembling slightly, and his voice broke out of his constricted throat, “I am sorry.”  


Stein looked like he might cry but instead he squeezed his eyes shut. His lips trembled, and he balled his hands into fists, “I can’t keep doing this Joe. My heart feels like it chips away every time...” Stein stopped and sighed, his eyes still shut.  


Joe took a small step forward and waited for Stein’s protest but he remembered that Stein wasn’t looking at him. Feeling like maybe he was cheating he walked closer to Stein until he was close enough to touch him.  


Then Joe reached out and grabbed Stein’s hand like he had in the park. Stein’s eyes opened slowly at the contact. He looked right at Joe, his sadness still very present in his furrowed eyebrows. He looked so desperately lost that Joe felt his heart squeeze painfully in his chest.  


Without really thinking about what he was doing, he lifted Stein’s hand, and brought it to his lips, still holding his gaze. He placed a gentle kiss on Stein’s knuckles. Stein’s eyes widened, and maybe it was Joe’s own racing heart, but he thought he saw Stein shudder as he placed another adoring kiss on his knuckles. He lowered Stein’s hand from his lips, and tried to find the right words. Finally he decided that he would be completely honest with himself. He owed Stein that at least.  


“I may be a gang boss but I am a coward Stein. A lot of things scare me, and I hate being scared. And you……” Joe paused looking for a way to continue. He didn’t look into his eyes, afraid that if he did, he wouldn’t be able to continue. “You scare me so much. For many stupid and serious reasons. Because when I think about my future, you are always there. Because when I am feeling out of sorts, I close my eyes and imagine you with your stupid smile. Because you have so much power over me. Because when you aren’t with me, my whole world never feels quite right, and that’s frightening. To need someone that much,” Joe admitted his voice breaking. He was talking more to himself that Stein. It felt like the room was choking him, but Stein had done so much already. It was his turn.  


He slowly lifted up his other hand that wasn’t holding Stein’s hand and cradled Stein’s jaw meeting his gaze. Stein sucked in a breath, he looked dazed, and Joe gave him a small nervous smile, “But I feel what I feel, I can’t keep running away from it and I can’t keep playing with your feelings.”  


Joe absently started to trace Stein’s soft cheek with his fingers, “I am sorry that I hurt you...again.” His fingers quietly climbed up to Stein’s on the edge of his jaw, then up to his temple brushing the little hairs that resided there, “I think a part of me has belonged to you since we first met.” Joe said partly mesmerized by what his fingers were doing. They were now in Stein’s soft hair, brushing through his head, in a slow tender manner. He had never touched Stein like this, and the butterflies in Joe’s stomach multiplied, and he bit his lips trying his best to control his ragged breathing.  


He looked down at Stein, and gulped when he saw Stein’s face redden, almost glowing in front of him. He was giving off so much warmth that Joe wanted to gather him into his arms and never let go, but he held himself steady. “I am hoping that I didn’t misread you and you want this too,” Joe whispered shakily. He stopped moving his hand, but it remained in Stein’s hair.  


He looked into Stein’s eyes, like he did on normal occasion, but this time everything was different. Strangely similar, but wholly different.  


Stein stared at him, eyes narrowed, and each second of silence felt like an eternity of a life without Stein, and god it hurt, it hurt. Joe could have fainted then, but finally Stein mouth twitched, and a small shy smile started to form on his lips. He bit his lip and gulped, “I think you should kiss me.”  


The request knocked the wind out of Joe. He had the urge to pick him up and twirl him around, laughing. To even run out of the house and into the streets, kissing startled strangers. But, instead, he did exactly what Stein had asked. He pressed a gentle kiss on Stein’s forehead.  


**  


Stein had had a long powerful love speech for Joe ready. He had memorized it and practiced it even. In fact when he had started confessing to Joe during their chess game, Joe had walked out a quarter way through his long confession.  


But the moment Joe had picked up his hand and brushed his lips on his knuckles, he had lost a good three fourth of his mental capacity. He had just stood there, trying very hard not to buckle. And he had been pushed to the ultimate limit when Joe started caressing his face, then brushing his hair, his face wearing an adoring smile.  


So when Joe had asked him if he wanted what Joe wanted, his speech was no longer at the forefront of his mind, and he said exactly what he wanted. He asked for the first thing that crossed his mind nowadays whenever he glanced at Joe. He wanted to be kissed by Joe, as childish and stupid as it may have sounded.  


After blurting out his request, everything felt like a dream, the type of dream that usually ended with him waking up sweaty, clenching his sheets in his hands, and then taking a cold shower.  


But the sudden feel of Joe’s lips as they trailed down to his temple, jolted him into reality, and again he felt like he was about lose it. It was real. Stein heart picked up speed if that was even possible. He was sure he was about to have a heart attack. He knew his breath was coming out fast, and he was shuddering.  


He reached out and grabbed Joe’s arm for support, and to make sure he was really there. Joe continued placing gentle kisses on his cheek, then his nose, then his chin.  


Then he pulled back and gazed at Stein, an inch away from him. Stein hold on Joe tightened, and Joe slipped a hand around Stein’s neck, his hand brushing the backs of his hair. Joe’s eyes burned with desire and a tinge of uncertainty.  


They were about to cross a line. Stein didn’t lean closer, he stood still and waited for Joe to meet him on the side. Because he had been there for a long time, waiting for him. He wanted this.  


They stood facing each other and slowly, Joe started to smile. His thumb caressing Stein’s neck he leaned in.  


Line be damned.  


Time suddenly started to tick by very slow. So that as Joe inched closer Stein, Stein could make out Joe’s face perfectly. The flicker of his eyes, his long black eyelashes, and his nearly invisible stubble.  


And when Joe titled his head ever so slightly, Stein closed his eyes, and felt his heart hammer against his ribs.  


Then Joe’s lips were on his.  


Stein’s lips parted as he exhaled in relief, and the touch of Joe’s lips, he quickly melted. Everything faded away as their lips met. The line now felt silly, the fear felt stupid because just a simple touch of lips was all-consuming, confirming everything he felt. If kisses could tell a story; the story would be simple; this was right. For a moment, their lips pressed close, unmoving. Then Stein started to feel himself relax, the squeezing in his heart no longer desperate, but present, and happy. Joe’s hand slid from his neck to cradle his face, and he brought his other hand, so that he cupped Steins face pulling him closer. Stein dimly felt Joe’s thumb caress his chin gently, and he raised his hand to cover Joe’s hand, squeezing it gently. And to confirm to himself and to Joe just in case he was still unsure about what Stein wanted, he pressed his lips more forcefully against Joe’s and moved his mouth against his lips, fervently sucking his top lip.  


It was a simple kiss that parted with a sound that made Stein’s eyes flutter open dazed. Joe leaned away but gently touched his forehead against Joe’s, letting out a shaky sigh. Stein’s hands fell down to touch Joe’s chest to steady himself. Joe’s hands fell from his face and Stein immediately felt cold, his face already missing the gentle caress of Joe’s fingers.  


Joe drew away slightly and Stein saw that Joe was frowning looking down at the floor. Joe cleared his throat, still looking at the floor, “Sooo.” he started then paused. He looked up at Stein’s face, his frown deepening. Stein felt his heart start to sink, but he remained quiet. Joe spoke up again cracking a small confused smile, “does this mean…I am gay?”  


Stein gaped at Joe. Not sure how to respond to that. Joe small smile widened slightly, looking shy, “It does, doesn’t it? Because that kiss got me seeing stars.”  


**  


Joe felt stupid the moment he asked the question. He pictured Gordon raising a fist and landing it on his face. Everything about the moment had been perfect, and the moment his lips had touched Stein, he had felt his whole body warm up. But then he had opened his mouth to comment and presumably ruined the beautiful moment.  


He looked at Stein’s face and was relieved when Stein started to laugh. He felt a bubble of warmth spread through his body, and he scratched his eyebrow embarrassed which caused Stein to laugh even harder. And as his laughter died down, Stein leaned, and landed his forehead on Joe’s. A big grin on his face, “Oh Joe.”  


The whisper of his name sent a thrill down his spine, and he grinned happily. Stein put a hand on his neck and brought him into a hug. Joe slid his arms on his waist, and they held each other.  


“I can feel your heartbeat,” Joe murmured lightheaded. Stein chuckled, and the vibration calmed Joe. He let himself breathe in the scent of Stein and he loved him more.  


He grinned wider when he realized that the admission didn’t give him the usual unpleasant flutter in his stomach, or throw him off. He was happy.  


Content, he burrowed his head into Stein’s shoulder and tightened his arms around him.  


**  


Stein finally spoke up, his shaky voice sounding foreign to him.  


“You know what I thought the first time we met?” Stein asked teasingly.  


Joe groaned embarrassed trying not to think about their first encounter. It wasn’t a great first encounter story.  


“I can’t imagine. Probably something like, look at that idiot,” Joe ventured chuckling, Stein laughed quietly in response. The sound of Stein vibrating chest pressed into Joe sent a thrill of pleasure that started from his toes and ran up to his lips.  


“I thought that you had the most beautiful voice in the world, it was full of every raw emotion,” Stein confessed blushing furiously. He was glad that Joe couldn’t see his face. “Man, you had me at day one. I just wanted to be part of your warmth for as long as possible. And when later you came to see me to apologize, well I grabbed you and didn’t let go.”  


Stein didn’t get to see but behind him Joe broke into a slow mesmerizing smile.  


“Do you want to know what I thought?” Joe asked pulling away, and adjusted himself, grabbing Stein by his shoulders so that he could properly look at him. Stein smile widened and he ran his hands over Joe’s arm. Joe tried to keep his voice steady momentarily ignoring the way his body reacted to Stein’s touch.  


“I thought that my men were pinning down a poor old man. The long almost white hair and all. I almost called an ambulance.”  


Stein laughed quietly, still running his hands slowly on Joe’s arms. Joe chuckled back, closing his eyes briefly, enjoying the electric feel that Stein’s finger left on his arms. Then he opened his eyes, and saw that Stein’s face were a pool of need, and his breath caught. Joe inched closer, until his nose was touching Stein’s.  


“Then as I got closer to the man who had apparently kidnapped my daughter. I saw you there, looking at me so calmly. And I thought you were the most beautiful person I had ever seen. And the more I go to know you, the more beautiful you got. And you melted me away so completely,” he confessed the last part his voice cracking a little.  


He smiled expecting Stein to reply, but instead he quickly pressed his lips on his. Stein’s lips were eager but soft and gentle. Joe was already addicted to the feel of them. Suddenly afraid that he would pull back too soon, Joe’s hand was tightened around Stein’s waist and he pulled him as close as he could, and gasped when he felt Stein’s hand tighten on his neck in response. His lips pressing more urgently on his, taking as much as Stein gave.  


Stein was now freely touching Joe with the urgency of the years of control shattered. He dragged his hands squeezing Joe’s biceps, then trailed his hands up his taut chest, before grabbing Joe’s shirt and pulling him even closer to his chest.  


Stein’s tongue ran across Joe’s top lip, and goaded him into opening his mouth, eager to taste him. Joe shuttered at the sensation, and his breath hitched at the contact. He opened his mouth to let Stein in, his hands clenching and unclenching around Stein’s waist. Stein slipped his tongue inside Joe’s mouth tasting everything about the man who had been his best friend, exploring him in a way he had never thought he ever would.  


Joe had thought that kissing a man would be different, strange, Stein was his first male kiss after all. But there was no mystery or strangeness to it. It simple snatched the world away from him, and all he could feel was Stein in his arms, and the sensation was overwhelming.  


When Joe’s teeth scrapped across Stein’s bottom lip, Stein moaned openly, and Joe lost any and all ability to think, and he rolled his hips against Stein’s, causing him to moan louder. Joe growled and slammed Stein against the wall near the kitchen, pressing him, his hands traveling from his waist down to his hips. He felt Stein’s hand rub his neck, his other hand slowly descending and cupping his ass. Joe instinctively parted Stein’s legs, sliding in his knee getting even closer.  


Stein parted to take a breath and buried his head in Joe’s neck, trembling at the sensation of Joe’s knee pressing on his crotch.  


“Joe,” Stein purred into his neck, his mouth opened slightly, and his eyes closed. The sound of his name said with such arousal sent Joe over an edge he didn’t know he was on. He moaned as Stein left kisses on his neck, alternating between nipping gently and forcibly, probably leaving hickey marks, but Joe didn’t care. Joe grabbed his face and brought it back so he could resume kissing him, Stein obliged, equally eager to get back to kissing, his lips tingling with anticipation. He grabbed Joe’s lips with his teeth, and surged on like kissing him like he held secrets to the universe. Joe loved every minute of it.  


Suddenly Stein parted his legs more, allowing for Joe to find space between them. Joe aligned himself so that their crotches brushed, and when Stein carefully slid himself up and down, they both groaned loudly. There was such need and Joe was already hard. Harder than he had ever felt in his entire life. Without thinking Joe slid his hand and grabbed Stein’s ass pressing him closer, so that their hardened cocks could brush against each other. Stein’s hand was now under his shirt, and splayed across his belly, slowing moving south. Their breath was coming in fast, like they were drowning. Their kiss was now sloppy and their mouths bruised, but they didn’t care.  


Joe was pretty sure things would have gotten naked and inappropriate in the next second if they hadn’t heard Gordon outside speaking a little too loudly.  


“AND I AM ALSO SURE THAT YOUR FATHER AND STEEIIN have finished DISCUSSING the important business and WE CAN ENTER THIS HOUSE,” Gordon said literally screaming.  


“You are yelling Gordon, I am standing right next to you,” Iris said exasperated but she was laughing.


	32. There is something about Gordon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend. Bill Watterson

At the sound of footsteps and Gordon over exaggerated voice, Joe abruptly untangled himself from Stein, his heart hammering.  


He tried thinking of Gordon’s toes, no, the time Gordon had puked all over his shirt, and that worked, because he felt his hard-on deflate.  


He stole a glance at Stein, and saw that he looked like he was in shock. He stood frozen, fingers tracing his mouth, blinking slowly. His hair was a mess, and he had this dream like stare that looked absolutely sexy. Joe found himself grinning at Stein, totally enraptured by him. Stein finally looked at him, Joe looked down, his eyebrows raised. Confused Stein looked at what Joe was staring at, and realized that there was a very noticeable bulge in his jeans. Stein quickly looked up, his face red, looking abashed. Joe snorted, and couldn’t help but giggle. The rare sound echoed through the room, and Stein started to grin happily, nearly bouncing on his toes.  


And like magnets they gravitated back towards each other, Joe started fixing Stein’s hair, and tried to ignore the kisses Stein left on his neck.  


“You know, that’s not going to help your little situation downstairs,” he whispered amused, as he straightened Stein’s shirt. Stein made a noncommittal sound, his mouth never leaving his neck, in fact his hands were now playfully tracing Joe’s spine. Joe momentarily lost concentration, and made a sound that sounded almost like a whine. No longer able to ignore Stein, Joe grabbed Stein’s face and pulled it away from his neck and on his face instead, grabbing his mouth in his. He felt Stein smirk underneath his wet mouth. They started pressing into each other, hunger back until Gordon started his theatrics again.  


“OH IRIS! YES, I AM SURE YOU CAN OPEN THE DOOR RIIIGHT NOW. I AM SURE WE ARE DEFINITELY NOT INTERRUPTING ANYTHING.”  


Stein and Joe jumped apart again, and Stein actually cursed, and walked behind the couch trying to hide his erection. Despite his rapidly beating heart, Joe almost laughed again. Stein threw him a glare, and Joe smirked, winking his way. Stein gave him the middle finger, more out of sexual frustration than anything else.  


When Gordon and Iris walked in, that is how they found them, Stein hand raised in a crude gesture, shooting Joe a deathly look.  


Iris and Gordon looked at the men worriedly, and Iris’s good mood shattered, she clenched her shopping bag.  


Iris looked up at Gordon sighing, Gordon looked more disappointed than worried.  


“Don’t tell me you guys haven’t made up yet.” Gordon said unable to hide the annoyance in his voice. He had sacrificed his entire afternoon for them.  


Stein’s face was flushed, his hair a little messy. He dropped his hand, and started grinning. It was the biggest grin that Iris had ever seen on Stein, she wasn’t even aware that Stein could physically grin that widely. And it was infectious, because Iris started smiling despite herself.  


“It’s all good. We patched things up. Joe just said something stupid, but other than that, we are good,” Stein reassured, his voice a little breathless. At the mentioned of her father, Iris nodded towards him, arms crossed.  


“This true dad? Everything okay,” she probed, eyes narrowed suspiciously.  


Instead of replying, her father laughed. It was loud, booming laugh that startled her. Then he strolled towards her, grinning nearly as widely as Stein. His face was bright, his eyes were twinkling, and he looked more relaxed that she had ever seen him.  


Perplexed, Iris looked towards Gordon for support, but he just stood there, his mouth agape, looking between her father and Joe. She shook her head, confused, and peered at her father.  


“Did we win a lottery?” She paused, and thought of what else could put a smile like that on her father. “Did you finally beat Stein at chess dad,” she mended.  


Stein’s grin immediately faded and he huffed rolling his eyes, stepping out from behind the couch, “Please. Him? Beat me? That will be the day.”  


Joe’s grin also disappeared and was replaced by an insulted frown, but it wasn’t really a frown, his eyes looked they were still smiling. They met in front of Iris and Gordon, standing right in front of them, but turned toward each other.  


Joe pointed rudely at Stein’s face, “don’t get all high mighty just because you beat me, a beginner, at chess.” Stein laughed mirthlessly and swatted Joe’s fingers away from his face, “a beginner. How long have you been a beginner? How can someone be a beginner for four years?”  


Suddenly Iris was laughing. Both men turned to look at her, and smiled. But then Iris’s face twisted and tears started freely flowing down her face. Joe looked startled and placed a tentative hand on her shoulder, “what’s wrong honey?”  


Nothing was wrong. She just felt so relieved. Something about the atmosphere in the room, the relaxed smiles on her father and Joe put her at ease, and the tension she didn’t know she had been feeling left her shoulders.  


Iris shrugged, and wiped away her tears, then she threw her arms around her father. “Nothing. I am just glad things are back to normal. I really don’t like it when you two fight.”  


Joe wrapped his arms around his little girl, and glanced at Stein. Stein smiled at him, then down at Iris. Iris beckoned Stein, “get in here. Group hug.”  


Stein obliged her, and wrapped his arms around the two things he loved most in the world. He could have joined Iris and started crying because the feelings in his heart were so powerful, he didn’t know what else to do. But suddenly and finally, Gordon spoke up ruining the moment.  


“Were you and Stein wrestling?” Gordon asked, his face dead pan. He didn’t wait for Joe or Stein to reply and just glanced at them both, “Stein’s hair is a mess and your shirts are all bunched up. I mean…”  


Joe backed away from Iris and Stein, his face going deciding on whether to be shocked, irritated or angry, but finally settling on embarrassed. Stein coughed fiercely, his face turning a shade of the purest red on earth. Iris looked back and forth between the three men baffled. She was sure she was missing something.  


“Must have been a serious wrestling match, the room even feels hot,” Gordon continued his face stoic, but his tone turning light. Joe made a strangled sound in his throat, the little shit. Stein on the other hand looked away trying not to laugh.  


“Okay Gordon. Out!” Joe exclaimed his voice an octave higher than usual.  


He saw the knowing smug look Gordon was giving him and felt like crawling into a hole. The bastard knew.  


Joe stomped towards Gordon, and steered him towards the door. Gordon didn’t resist, but then grinned slyly and nodded towards his neck. He put a hand on his mouth dramatically, and his face twisted in concern.  


“Oh no! Joe. While you were wrestling, it seems like a bug bit you. There is red mark on your neck. Oh no. I wonder if Stein has the same mark, Stein do-“  
He was interrupted when Joe hit him on the shoulder, hard. Joe was now unexpectedly self-conscious, he hadn’t realized that he had a hickey. Gordon was laughing quietly, enjoying the mortified looks on both Stein and Joe.  


When Joe finally pushed him out of the house, Gordon stool still, not saying anything else. Then his shoulder started shaking. Joe almost checked on him, but then Gordon let out a long wheeze of laughter.  


Joe rolled his eyes, and growled, “I swear Gordon…”  


Gordon stood upright, still laughing and walked away, then he threw his hands in the air.  


“FINALLY!”  


Joe nearly smiled, but then he saw Gordon take out his phone, and his eyes narrowed instead. The bastard was probably going to call Cecile.  
He almost called Gordon back, but then thought better of it and went back into the house.  


Inside the house Stein’s eyes were closed in embarrassment, while Iris was now openly frowning in confusion, not understanding the quiet of the room or Gordon’s outburst. She figured this was one of those ‘grown up’ things that she didn’t want to know about.  


Finally Iris shrugged, “I am going upstairs, homework.”  


She didn’t really have homework, she just wanted to go upstairs and try on the dress again, then call Karen. Then maybe Barry. The thought of Barry made her grin unexpectedly, she definitely wasn’t going to tell him that she had chosen a dress based on his favorite colors.  


Stein nodded feeling distracted and still pretty dazed, “Alright. I am going home too.”  


Iris nodded, and gave him a hug, before bolting upstairs.  


Joe stood awkward in front of Stein feeling nervous about being in a room alone with Stein. As ridiculous as it was he felt like an awkward shy teenage boy forced to talk to the hottest boy in class.  


Stein and Joe turned to look at each other. Suddenly unsure about what everything made and how to proceed.  


Joe bit his lip, and said the only thing he felt confident about.  


“Gordon is an idiot.”  


Stein’s mouth twisted and he started to laugh. Joe watched Stein and he started chuckling in turn, gravitating towards him. The awkwardness was no longer there, because he realized that the hottest boy in class liked him. He drew Stein into a hug, still laughing. And when Stein tightened his arms around Joe, Joe was no longer sure if they were laughing because Gordon was an idiot or because everything felt perfect and they were the happiest they had been in a very long time.


	33. The more things change…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You're always you, and that don't change, and you're always changing, and there's nothing you can do about it.” ― Neil Gaiman

Much to Joe’s surprise, nothing changed. Nothing.  


He had expected his whole world to transform after his heart to heart conversation with Stein, and subsequent kiss…or make out session. But everything stayed the same, which both surprised and frustrated him in more ways than one.  


After everything, he and Stein went back to their old routine; work, work, chess, drinks, dinners and occasional pranks. It felt like Joe had hallucinated, vividly, of kissing Stein, because not once after that did Stein and Joe do anything that would suggest that their relationship had shifted in any way. The only inkling he had that he hadn’t dreamt it all, were times when he caught Stein staring him, his eyes drifting from his eyes to his lips, and a blush appearing on his face right after that. In those moments, it took everything for Joe to remain unmoving, and resist the urge to grab Stein and crush him underneath him in a fierce kiss. It was a little disconcerting just how the mere presence of Stein now turned him into a needy horny teenager. But he never acted on his instincts, instead he would just throw him a nervous smile, his heart racing, and watch as Stein eventually looked away, leaving him to feel unnaturally disappointed.  


Joe didn’t understand why they weren’t acting on their desires, or maybe just his desires. After a few days, he figured that maybe Stein needed time to think things over. So he forced himself to pretend that nothing had changed, even if though it killed him softly and slowly. Now that he knew what it felt like to hold Stein in his arms, to feel his mouth moving against his, he wasn’t sure he could ever go back to ‘normal’.  


As each day slowly crawled by, desperate need grew until it electrified the air around them.  


Whenever they were around each other, the air around grew thick with unresolved sexual tension and Gordon was constantly choking on it. To keep sane, Gordon started spending more time with Cecile because with her he could rant. With her, he could point out that his two best friends were going to cause him to go bald with anxiety.  


“Everything was set. They had hickeys, HICKEYS for Christ sake! And now we are back to this Cecile, this hell hole of sexual tension and awkward gazes, oh kill me,” Gordon wailed flopping stomach first onto his couch. Cecile didn’t say anything, she was done with those two. She refused to be anywhere near them.  


Iris also noticed the tension between her father and Stein, and although it was never filled animosity, it still felt strangely weird, like she was interrupting something. She tended to start blushing herself whenever Stein and her father would suddenly look at each other like they were the only people in the room.  


She wasn’t sure if she was projecting, because these days Barry’s gaze made her twitchy, and giddy.  


And in an attempt to sort through her emotions in peace, Iris also started avoiding Stein and her father whenever they got together. She also started to spend less time with Barry alone, because she wasn’t sure she could handle those eyes when she was by herself anymore. She tended to blurt out really stupid things whenever it was just her with Barry. But Barry always laughed or smiled, or gave her a hug, which didn’t make anything better for her, and usually left her more flustered, flushed and nervous, until she would eventually make up an excuse and leave.  


Eventually she started blogging and discovered that it calmed her. She called her little blog, the streak, she didn’t know why, nor did she know why she insisted of using Barry’s favorite colors as her background colors.  


**  


It had been a week, a long torturous week, since the day Joe had kissed Stein.  


A whole goddamn week.  


Stein could tell you the exact hours, minutes and seconds of that week, because he actually felt them tick by, physically.  


He was sitting with Joe playing chess like usual… almost like usual. Stein kept accidentally glancing at Joe more often than normal. And Joe kept catching his eyes, and would hesitate and stare back at the board looking confused.  


Catching his eyes for maybe the hundredth time, Joe sighed, and mumbled, “You are distracting me.”  


Stein blinked in surprise and leaned back sighing as well. He was distracting? Didn’t Joe realize that Stein’s whole life was now made up of constant daydreams of Joe’s lips, and hands, oh and his chest pressed against his, and his di-? He stopped his train of thought when he started to feel blood rush towards an unwanted direction.  


He looked at Joe instead, and smiled innocently, “I am?”  


Joe looked back down at the chess board in between them, but Stein could tell he was no longer concentrating. Finally Joe growled, and dropped his bishop on the board haphazardly, then he ran a hand across his face in frustration, “I can’t play in these harsh conditions. Not with you looking at me like that.”  


Stein eyebrows rose and he laughed. Joe rolled his eyes but there was a smile on his face. Stein was immediately struck by how beautiful Joe’s smile was.  


Being friends with Joe had always been great. He had been Joe’s friend, then best friend for years. But he was greedy now. He didn’t just want to joke around with Joe. He didn’t just want ‘hang out’ with Joe. He wanted to take Joe’s breath away. He wanted every part of Joe that he could touch. He ached for it. And that’s why Stein did something that he hadn’t done in years, and didn’t really know how to do.  


He flirted.  


He smiled shyly at Joe’s head, and lowered his voice into what he hoped (prayed) was a seductive tone, “You want to know what I am staring at?”  


Stein was pleasantly surprised when Joe’s head snapped up, his eyes boring into his. He didn’t think it would be that easy.  


“What?” Joe asked breathlessly, running his tongue across his lower lip. Stein felt his breath catch in his throat. He leaned forehead, his elbows knocking aside some chess pieces. He eyes lowered, and fixed pointedly at Joe’s mouth, “Your lips.”  


Stein watched in fascination as Joe’s Adam’s apple rose and fell, in an obvious gulp. He had an urge to suckle it.  


He gaze into Joe’s darkened eyes, and felt a shiver run down his spine.  


Joe rose from his sit slowly, holding onto the edge of the table and leaned over Stein, so that Stein had to look up at him. Joe was smiling, “Oh yeah? Something on my lips?” he asked teasingly, his voice baritone.  


Stein shook his head, and surprised himself and Joe when he raised his hand near Joe’s lips, and then proceeded to trace his upper lip with his index finger. He felt Joe shudder at the gesture and his own body started to heat up to a dangerous level. He knew that his face was flushed, and he couldn’t control the way he was breathing rapidly, and he definitely couldn’t stop his wandering hand, but he managed to respond coarsely, “No. and that’s the problem.”  


Before Stein dropped his hand, suddenly feeling shy about his corny line, Joe grabbed his index finger with his mouth. Stein gasped and could only watch helplessly as Joe suckled his finger, staring right into him.  


Stein blinked slowly feeling faint and closed his eyes, overwhelmed by the sensations that flowed through his body. He was definitely too old for this.  


When he opened his eyes, Joe had dropped his finger, and was now an inch away from his face. So close in fact, that their hot breaths mingled pleasantly. From what felt like a thousand miles away, Stein heard more chess pieces fall and roll on the floor.  


Their lips met over the table. The kiss was shy at first, slow, cautious, like they were both making sure it was still alright to be this intimate. Then as if to reassure both of them, Joe open his mouth inviting Stein in. Eagerly Stein plunged in caressing him with his tongue and deepening their kiss, inciting a groan from Joe. Stein was beginning to discover that it was his new favorite sound.  


Joe dug his hand in Stein’ hair and forcefully tilted Stein’s head upward so that he could have better access into his hot mouth. The roughness of the gesture pulled a loud moan from Stein, and suddenly the table between them was the most inconvenient thing in the world.  


Joe grabbed hold of Stein’s shirt and dragged him up, so that they were both standing up, leaning towards each other. Their lips never breaking apart, Joe maneuvered them away from the table and towards the couch. Stein shuddered in anticipation, and followed Joe never wanting for the kiss to end even though he would need to catch air soon.  


It was a bit of surprise when Stein’s felt his back hit the couch, because he hadn’t even realized that Joe had been pushing him down. Joe climbed on top of him, breaking away from his mouth. Stein’s eyes fluttered wondering why Joe’s delicious lips were no longer on his. Joe hovered on top of him, hands on either side of his head, kneeling in between Stein’s legs. And fuck, it wasn’t the sexiest thing Stein had ever seen, and his dick agreed wholeheartedly.  


He pulled Joe towards his chest, his mouth immediately covering his, licking, nipping and tasting, Joe hummed appreciatively on top of him. Stein’s hand roamed Joe’s body, then he lifted his shirt to feel a little of bit of skin. At the contact, Jo gasped, momentarily leaving Stein’s mouth. Stein whined, desperately blindingly trying to seek out Joe’s lips. And when he couldn’t find them, he opened his eyes.  


Jo was looking at him with an expression he couldn’t read.  


“Wait. Wait,” Joe said breathlessly, lifting himself up, so that he was cradling Stein’s thighs. Stein sat up slightly, and leaned shuffled backwards to lean on the armrest. Feeling more comfortable, he placed his hand around Joe’s waist and waited. He didn’t want to rush Joe into anything, no matter how inviting his lips looked. Joe leaned a little into Stein, essentially sitting on his lap and gave him a curious look, “why now? It’s been a whole week you know?”  


Stein tried not to stare at his lips, or think about how sexy he looked, treacherously sexy, had he always looked this good? How had Stein managed to get anything in his life done? He couldn’t believe he had been just ‘friends’ with his man for four years. Stein shook his head trying to clear his mind and croaked out a sentence, “I wanted to to give you enough time, but as you can see I got a little desperate.”  


Joe frowned looking confused, “enough time to what?”  


Stein looked at Joe equally perplexed, and gestured at the little space between them, “this. Comfortable with this. You are a boss of a gang you know.”  


Joe threw him a look, “and what does this,” he paused and imitated Stein’s gesture, waving at the space between them “have to do with that?”  


Stein wiggled his hips underneath Joe, and resisted to urge to travel even lower to cup Joe’s heavenly ass. He shrugged and grimaced, “you know, gay. It’s not something that will win you any friends.”  


Joe seemed to contemplate Stein’s words, his head looking up at the ceiling. Then he looked back at Stein, his hand on his shoulders, massaging them absently. “Gordon told me to trust in my men. And trust that they will be okay with this, if not…”  


Stein head titled and he smirked, “you will what? Leave?” He concluded laughing, a little bitterly.  


Joe looked right at him and nodded slowly. Stein spluttered, “wha-n-but-you can’t-what?’  


Joe leaned down a placed a kiss on Stein’s spluttering mouth. Stein barely had time to register it before Joe pulled back chuckling, “you should see your face. No. Gordon will beat them into submission.”  


Stein stared startled and laughed, feeling more relaxed. He didn’t want Joe to give up any part of himself for him.  


“Sooo, us, this, you don’t mind. I can kiss you whenever I want?” Stein asked teasingly.  


Again he was surprised by Joe’s sudden solemn expression, and he wasn’t prepared for his honest reply. “You can take whatever you want from me….within reason. I am yours.”  


Stein froze. He wasn’t sure how to respond. He wasn’t even sure how to act. But he tried really hard to hold back tears. Thankfully Joe saved him when playfully pinched his cheeks, “so do I also have permission to kiss whenever?”  


Stein still reeling from Joe’s words, snorted shakily. As if Joe had to ask.  


Realizing that maybe Joe needed verbal confirmation he added, “Yes. Anytime, anywhere.” Then he realized something, “what about Iris? Have you told her?”  


Joe titled his head side to side looking guilty, “I will tell her. It’s harder than you think. I don’t know how to start. For now, no make out sessions in front of my poor daughter.”  


Stein chuckled, and Joe leaned in again and placed a kiss Stein’s neck, Stein craned his neck to give him better access.  
“That’s fine. As long as you make up the two weeks’ worth of kisses that I missed for no good reason, I expect my mouth to be bruised by the time I leave your house,” Stein retorted, sighing in pleasure, at the feel of Joe mouth. Joe made a sound, and continued to place small kisses on the side of his neck which was caused his cock to twitch restlessly. Stein’s mouth started to shudder in want, and he had to pull Joe’s face away from his neck. He held his face and scolded him playfully.  


“My mouth is not on my neck you know.”  


Jo grinned, and shrugged, “your whole body might as well be a mouth for me to kiss.”  


Stein blushed fiercely.  


Joe laughed and drew his blushing boyfriend (it felt weird to call Stein that, not a bad weird, just new) into a hug, nuzzling his nose in his hair.  


“You are absolutely beautiful when you blush. All red face and blonde hair.”  


Feeling more abashed beyond words, and probably getting even redder, Stein struggled to get Joe off his lap so that he would splash some water on his face. But Joe held him place, pressing firmer on top of him and nipped his ear teasingly, “I melt anytime you blush.”  


Stein might have whispered a breathless, “fuck.” Or fainted, he couldn’t remember.


	34. Dynamic Duo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “She had never loved him so much as she did in that instant.” ― George R.R. Martin

Joe didn’t want to jinx things.  


So he never voiced out loud how happy he now felt, not to his friends and definitely not to himself. With Stein he hoped that the kisses he stole whenever he could were enough to show him how happy he made him.  


So it was an important moment when two weeks after clearing up thins with Stein, he decided to tell lris.  


He announced it to Stein, while they were both cuddled up Joe’s couch, Stein in between Joe’s legs, his back on his chest, and a book in his hand. Joe’s chin was on his head, and he was watching something on television.  


As much as Stein loved kissing Joe, these were the moments he most cherished. The random days when it was just the two of them, comfortable, and filling each other’s spaces.  


Stein put his book down slowly, and tilted his head upwards, his glasses nearly tipping backwards, and gave Joe a worried look, “you sure? Don’t feel like you have to rush because of me.”  


Joe turned away from the television to look down at Stein. He shook his head a smile on his face, “I am sure. This is about me and Iris. I tell her everything. And I want to hold you like this when she is around. I want her to be part of this.”  


Stein was suddenly nervous, he closed his eyes and said something that had been eating at him for the last two weeks, “what if…what if she hates this? I don’t want her to hate me Joe, hate us, I don’t think I could recover from that.”  


Stein opened his eyes when he felt Joe press his lips on his forehead. He wore a calm and determined expression. “She will be okay with this,” he replied firmly. Because Iris had to. It was done simple. Stein nervousness didn’t lessen, and he felt himself start to panic. Joe pressed another kiss on his forehead, and removed his glasses carefully, “don’t worry. She brought you into my life. I don’t think she would ever want you out.”  


Stein started to smile remembering that day four years ago in the park. The day he had gone from being a lonely boy who clung fiercely to his tragic past, to this, a nervous wreck of a boy who clung desperately to a future with a man he loved.  


Joe scooched backwards, so that he could reach Stein’s lips in their position. He kissed him softly, trying to calm him. Stein’s neck was almost uncomfortable, but he didn’t dare move, too busy wrapped up in the feeling.  


Joe muttered between each slow kiss, “You,” he paused and kissed the corner of his mouth, “me,” he continued to the tip of his nose, “and Iris,” he paused and just stared into Stein’s kind brown eyes. “Will always be together.”  


Stein chuckled, “that sounds creepy,” he said teasingly, but reached backwards to grab Joe’s nose, and dragged him back to his lips.  


Joe laughed quietly.  


**  


Joe decided to tell Iris on a warm Sunday afternoon.  


Every Sunday, once a month, Joe and Iris went to visit Francine’s grave. Joe almost chickened out as they walked away from the cemetery, after their ritual of flower placing and little confessions of how the month had been. Anytime he heard Iris talk earnestly to a mother she had never seen, he felt guilty that he could never give her that. A mother.  


As silly as it sounded, his happiness was in her hands. It had always been Joe and Iris, the dynamic duo, and because of that bond, her opinion, her happiness meant more to him than anything else in the world.  


He glanced at Iris.  


She was quiet, like she usually was when they came from visiting her mother’s grave. It was a solemn quietness that Joe had long since learned to respect. He never spoke, and always waited for the questions that followed their visits. How Francine had been, if they looked alike, if he had loved her, and more. At the beginning it had been extremely difficult for him to talk about it, but over the years, he discovered that sharing Francine with his daughter, kept her alive in a way.  
Joe waited for the questions. The older Iris got, the less the questions became, but the more mature, the more complex. Finally, she slipped her hand in his and looked up to him. He looked down at her with a small smile.  


“Do you still miss her?” Iris asked looking sad.  


Joe hesitated, and thought about it. Did he still miss her?  


He saw a bench and sat both himself and his daughter down. He breathed in the air a little before answering her.  


“A part of me will always miss her. Always. And even when I forget more pieces about her, I will always remember that I loved her, and that she gave me you. I wish with all my heart she was here to see how beautiful and amazing you turned out,” he admitted, and kissed Iris’s forehead affectionately, wrapping an arm around Iris. Iris lips trembled, and she sniffed back tears. It always surprised her that she could feel such a deep sense of loss for someone she had never met. She couldn’t imagine how her father felt. She turned to look at him, and was relieved when she noted that for once the sadness and loss in her father’s eyes wasn’t as sharp as it had been in past.  


“Is that why you haven’t married or settled down with anyone else?” Iris asked slowly, wiping away a tear that had sneaked past her defenses.  


Joe smiled and shrugged. “In the beginning, yes. I didn’t think I needed anyone else. It felt like your mother was it. My one-shot at love. The beginning and end to my love story, and I was okay with it. It felt like you, the gang, and Gordon, even Julian were enough. But-“Jo hesitated and looked at his daughter. She looked sad. He squeezed her shoulder reassuringly.  


“But people started coming into my life, and I realized that maybe, your mother wasn’t the last love of my life. And I am ready to love again. I want to try. But I need to make sure that YOU are okay with that. Because what I do directly impacts you, and I am sure you know this by now… you are my everything,” Jo said his voice breaking slightly.  


Iris threw herself at her father, hugging him fiercely. She held back a sob. She wanted to tell her father that it was all she wanted. For him to be happy, to find someone, and she didn’t really care whom. She had always been afraid that her mother had taken his heart with her when she had left them both. But it was too much to say, so instead she replied, her head resting on her chest.  


“I just want you to be happy dad.” It was really that simple for her.  


She felt his father hesitate, and go still. And lifted her head from his chest, and looked at him questioningly. His arms slid from her, and one hand adjusted his black beanie nervously. He looked like he was concentrating hard, and he looked a little scared. She drew back from him concerned.  


“What?” She asked, trying not to let panic seep into her voice.  


Joe bit his lip, and started running a hand through her hair. Something he did, to calm himself down. She never liked it because it made her feel like she was five years old, but for once she didn’t complain.  


“I found someone,” he blurted, and quickly looked around like he was revealing top secret information.  


Iris eyes widened and she peered at her father curiously. She wanted to be happy, but a part of her was afraid. She wondered why her father was hesitating. An image of some woman with a fake smile flashed through her mind and she shuddered. She didn’t say anything though. She could tell that this was important to her father.  


He sighed, and gave her a cautious look, “…it’s a…it’s man. And I am sorry about that. I don’t want your life to get complicated. I wish that it was simple, but-“Joe stopped because Iris was grinning ear to ear, and her eyes were twinkling. He raised his eyebrows not really all that surprised, and he asked feeling more than a little foolish, “You don’t care do you?”  


Iris grin grew wider and she shook her head, “Nope. What century do you think I live in? I just want to know, who it is,” Iris said her voice betraying her desperation.  


She was anxious because she was trying very hard not to think of the only person that made her father drop his defense. The only person who her father had broken countless gang rules for. The only person that her father ever talked about with a faint adoring smile, even when he was insulting the person. She tried not to think about that person, because the world wasn’t a fairy-tale movie. The world wasn’t a romantic comedy.  


But it was hard, because she was already seeing the person at their dinner table, then attending her graduation, and finally standing next to her father hand in hand as they both waved her off to college.  


Her mind was already gone. Far away.  


Joe looked at her daughter, she looked like she was trying hard not to scream. She was nearly vibrating on the bench in anticipation. But he was still nervous, and he wanted to make sure that his daughter knew exactly what he was saying. So he repeated slowly, “I just want to make sure, you are okay with me seeing someone, you are positively sure?” Joe asked firmly, reusing to divulge any further information. Iris rolled her eyes impatiently, and let out a low frustrated sound. Sometimes her father could be dense, very dense.  


She replied, between gritted teeth, “Oh my god DAD! I want you to be happy. Just as you want me to be happy. I am not just saying this. I mean it. If you must know, I have been trying to o set you up with people throughout the years but you are too dense to notice.”  


Joe chuckled nervously, and coughed nervously. The air felt hot, and he almost decided to lie and say he was kidding around, or maybe even run. It felt like saying Stein’s name out loud made everything…final. A little part of him started to think that maybe he was rushing into things. But then the remembered Stein’s smile the first time he had met him, four years back, and the smile he had given him a few days ago, head tilted back, hair falling like a curtain. It was the same smile, the only different was that in the recent one, Stein was a bit older, and a lot looser. Joe felt himself start to relax, and said it out loud, a big smile on his face.  


“It’s Stein. I know. I know. It’s a little weird. And it might take a while for you to get used to-“He was interrupted by Iris’s shrill scream. He looked at her in panic. She was wailing. Tears streaming down her face, but she was also laughing. Joe’s eyes widened in fright, he had broken her daughter.  


But then Iris threw herself at him again, clutching him in a hug, she kept muttering the same thing.  


“Oh thank god. Thank god. Thank god.”  


Joe chuckled softly, and his heart felt full. He felt like he could soar, but instead opted to pull her into a tighter hug. “I am guessing I don’t need to convince you.”  


Iris was laughing, it came out nasally because of the tears, but she didn’t seem to care. And nearly screamed, “Convince me! I want to know when I can start calling him dad, or father, or Pops. What do I call him now? Papa?”  


Joe groaned embarrassed, and detached his daughter from his chest, frowning. Oh no. She was another Gordon. He gave her what he hoped was a scorn look, it was hard, especially with how happy he felt.  


“No Iris. We aren’t married. We just started dating. This is very new for both of us. So just call him Stein. Don’t make this awkward Iris, I know how weird you can make things. I am already dealing with Gordon, and his constant narration.”  


Iris giggled, and she nudged his mortified dad playfully. He looked adorable and a lot younger. And it was because of Stein. It made her heart swell. She saluted dramatically, “Dad sir! Yes sir. Awkward no. Cool yes.”  


Joe stood up, shaking his head.  


“Good. And talk to Uncle Gordon. He needs to reel in the crazy.” Joe said rolling his eyes, exaggerating the ‘uncle.’  


**  


Coincidentally they met Stein on his way home from shopping. He held two plastic bags, and had Joe’s scarf wrapped snuggly around his neck.  


His back was to them but Joe immediately recognized him. He stopped short struck by how the sun’s fading light bounced off his back. Momentarily distracted by Stein, he missed his daughter’s squeal.  
She ran towards Stein calling out his name and laughing gleefully. Stein turned around, surprised, and grinned when he saw Iris. He looked back her and saw Joe standing there a dazzling smile on his face, and then started laughing for some reason.  


She was still laughing when she crashed into him nearly toppling him over. Sometimes Iris forgot that she wasn’t that six year old girl anymore. People walked by them, some smiling happily at them, and others rolling their eyes at the commotion.  


By the time Joe reached them, Iris was still hugging Stein. He looked at Joe in question.  


Joe shook his head with a smile on his face, “I told her about us. But she promised me that she would be cool.”  


Iris retracted herself from Stein, an embarrassed grin on her face, and her eyes red. She sniffed, and grabbed one of Stein’s bags, “I am cool!” She reassured and started walking ahead of them in big robotic steps.  


Stein stared after her, torn between laughing and crying. He never used to be this emotional.  


Stein turned toward Joe, giving a small dazed smile. His heart flopping around his chest like a fish stuck on land.  


“She seems happy about it,” he finally, his voice wobbly. He was squinting because of the bright orange of the setting sun.  


Joe moved closer to him, and placed a gentle kiss on Stein’s forehead, “told you so.”  


Unbeknownst to them, Iris took that picture.  


Joe and Stein, leaning into each other, two silhouettes on a busy road, one with his arm around the other, and the other with his lips on the other’s forehead. Light spilling through the small space in between their chests.  


She stared at her picture, and wiped away another treacherous tear.  


Grinning she hit the send button, and waited for Gordon to lose his shit.


	35. Strings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yours is the light by which my spirit's born: - you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars.” ― E.E. Cummings

Iris stood in front of her excited father and smiled through yet another picture.  


“Okay now hold up your little purse. Aw, look at you, my angel, all grown up,” Joe said taking a brief break from picture taking to admire the young woman in front of him. Iris grimaced and shook her head in exasperation. But her head buzzed with nervousness and excitement.  


She didn’t particularly care about the dance. She just wanted to show off her dress, and spend time with her friends. And hopefully get to see Eddie and Leo dance. She was admittedly a little obsessed with their relationship. She was starting to understand Gordon’s behavior around her dad and Stein.  


Speaking of Stein.  


“Where is Stein anyway?” She asked striking another half-hearted pose for her father. He checked his watch. There was a little smile on his face at the mention of Stein.  


“He should be here soon. He had to finish up something at the lab. I stopped listening when he started to science.”  


Iris gave her father a look, how her father had even managed to get someone like Stein was beyond her.  


Before she could give him a piece of her mind, the doorbell rang. She felt her heart climb up her throat, and her palms felt sweaty. Who was coming to get her? Kara or Barry?  


Her father gave her a wink, “I wonder who it could be?”  


He opened the door dramatically, and there stood a slightly sweaty and disheveled Stein. His face was flushed pink, but he beamed when he saw Iris in her stunning knee length dress, with blend of white, orange and yellow. It was strapless and had an orange bolt shape that stretched all around her waist, accentuated her figure. Joe gave Stein a small teasing frown, “you aren’t the one taking Iris to prom are you?”  


Stein scoffed but ignored him, his eyes on Iris. “You look beautiful!” Stein exclaimed pushing past Joe like he wasn’t there.  


Joe frowned slightly offended, but couldn’t help but nod proudly, “Of course she does!”  


Stein leaned over and gave her an air kiss near her cheek, motioning at her outfit, “I don’t want to hug you and ruin your dress.”  


Iris huffed, and drew Stein into a hug, “I don’t’ care about that.”  


Stein grinned squeezing her affectionately, and waved Joe over.  


“Take a picture of me with this super star over here.”  


Joe obliged, grinning, but took more than one picture. After a while Iris started to enjoy the photo session, and they took multiple selfies together, deleting some, giggling at some and cooing at others. And when at some point she introduced them to snapchat filters and they couldn’t get enough.  


“Oh my goodness!” Stein exclaimed as his face took on a more feminine shape; lipstick, long pretty eyelashes and a fashionable hat. The effeminate Stein blinked in surprise, and Iris giggled.  


“You would make a pretty woman,” Joe commented trying to hold in a laugh.  


Stein chuckled prettily, and Iris took the picture.  


Finally, the doorbell rang, and Stein fussed over her while Joe went to open the door, less dramatically this time. And there he was. Barry. In a suit, with hair surprisingly well groomed, and shuffling nervously.  


Iris actually gasped. She had never seen Barry in a suit, and there was something about the sight of it that made her think of wedding dresses.  


Her reaction confused and thrilled her, and she didn’t notice that all three of them were quietly staring at Barry until Barry spoke nervously, cheeks aflame.  


“Is everything alright?”  


And just like that life was breathed back into the room.  


Joe broke into a grin and patted Barry’s back and ushered him inside the house, “Iris! You didn’t tell me that Barry was taking you to the dance!” Then he winked at Barry, still smiling, “Looking good Barry.”  


Stein was also smiling, eyes twinkling his hand still on Iris’s shoulder. He whistled, “Nice suit Barry.”  


Barry ducked his head, and mumbled a thank you.  


Iris who was a bit slower at waking up from her trance, finally threw her father and Stein a look.  


“I have told you again and again, he isn’t taking me to the dance. We are all going together, Kara, Barry and I. Stop making Barry uncomfortable.”  


Iris cautiously approached Barry her frown faltering.  


“Where is Kara?” Iris stuttered trying to calm her nerves. She was now standing right in front of him, and he inexplicably got a lot more handsome. The thought weirded her out. She had never thought of Barry as anything but funny, cute, and kind. But this Barry, with the haircut, a black suit, seemed taller, confident and hot. Very hot. The thought made her blink nervously, and she had to remind herself: best friend, he is your best friend. She tried not stare, but it wasn’t helping that Barry was ogling her as well, mouth hanging open.  


Barry finally said something when the strangeness of the situation started to get awkward, “They didn’t want to leave the car, said that it was too cold.”  


Iris rolled her eyes and threw Barry a disbelieving look, “some girlfriends I have huh?”  


Barry laughed lightly, then he eyed her coiled hair and then her dress and cracked a shy smile, “You look beautiful by the way. I like the dress.”  


Iris snorted awkwardly, and shuffled her feet, “err thanks Bear.”  


The two suddenly shy teenagers were interrupted when they were reminded that they weren’t the only people in the room.  


“Barry, could you take a picture of us?” Joe spoke up, his voice thick with amusement.  


Joe ignored Iris’s whine, and handed his phone to Barry, who seemed more than happy to take the picture.  


Stein and Joe placed Iris in between them, and when they brushed hands trying to find space on Iris’s back, they turned to look at each other smiling. Iris felt their hands join on her back and couldn’t help but break into a grin. And that’s the picture Barry took. Barry stared at it, feeling a mixture of envy and wonder. Iris had told him that her father was dating Stein, but now it felt real.  


“Okay time to go!” Iris exclaimed and grabbed Barry’s hand without thinking.  


But both Stein and Joe shouted in sync, “No!”  


Iris halted and turned around confused.  


Joe’s eyes twinkled, “a picture of you and Barry of course. And look you are already holding hands.”  


Barry blushed furiously, and Iris was ready to drop his hand, but he held on tight. She threw him a glance and he ignored her. Iris felt little butterflies in her stomach.  


After the picture was taken, Barry kept holding her hand. And as they walked towards the door, Iris bowed her head trying to hide her pleased smile.  


She turned around and waved at her father and Stein, “will see you guys tomorrow!”  


Joe nodded, and because he was still her father he added, “I will call Kara’s mom to make sure that you guys get back to her place on time. So no funny business.”  


Iris shook her head, rolling her eyes, but she broke into a grin when Barry saluted seriously and dragged her after him.  


“Do you think she knows?” Stein asked taking a hold of Joe’s hand, as the door closed behind Iris.  


Joe turned around and gave Stein a look, “She is as dense as I am at times.”  


Stein huddled closer and kissed Joe’s neck tenderly.  


“She will figure it out...”  


**  
Leo didn’t have adoring parents eagerly taking his pictures when he left for the dance. Instead, he snuck out of the house, not ready to deal with the twisted angry face of a man who at one point used to be his father, and the woman lying on the couch, pale, a needle sticking out her arm, who had once been mom.  


Tonight was about him. And Mick. Mick was already gone, he had gotten picked up by Oliver and Felicity which was strange, because Leo hadn’t realized his brother was even on speaking terms with them.  


He raced out on the streets, ignoring the angry barks on his neighbor’s Pitbull. There was a rumor that it had actually killed someone. And in the night, the black dog looked even more terrifying.  


He walked a fair distance from his house, and waited. Eddie had insisted on picking him up, and he was worried about it. Eddie stood out, with his stupid blonde hair, his blue eyes, and perfect smile. He smelled of money and good-rearing. And in Leo’s neighborhood, people like that were targeted and squeezed until they had no light left in them.  


Leo tapped his leg nervously and looked at his watch, Eddie was late, by twenty minutes. Maybe it hadn’t been a good idea to let him come to pick him up. Oh god, what if-. Because he could build up his panic, he heard a bell. It was loud, and rang through the night.  


He heard the sound of tires on the gravel street, he squinted trying to see through the darkness.  


Then he saw the source of the bell. It was Eddie, on a black Helios duo bicycle. He had a proud grin on his face. There were red ribbons attached the bike floating around it like crazed tentacles.  


Leo blinked speechless and started laughing, pointing at the atrocious duo bike, “that’s my limousine?”  


Eddie parked his bike, and walked towards Leo, his grin wide, “only the best for you. You want me to help you on?”  


Leo swatted away Eddie’s hand, chuckling, “I only dated you for the limousine you know. I feel cheated.”  


Eddie hand went to his heart, in mock shock, “Dios Mío!”

Leo, laughed loudly, forgetting where he was, and that his broken home was a few meters behind him. Because that’s what Eddie did. He made him remember that there were good things, that the world was never all darkness. Eddie was his good thing. Mick too of course. But Eddie just…he was just…everything.  


A lump caught in his throat, “sucks that there isn’t anyone to take a picture of us in our pretty suits.”  


Eddie shrugged and pulled him toward their ugly bike, “I don’t need pictures, or limousines or whatever. I want us to take this gorgeous bike all the way to school. Get there, then dance. Drink some punch, then hang out with our friends. Then watch as Barry awkwardly asks Iris to dance. And after everything, I want you to grab me, hold me really tight, and kiss me until I see stars.”  


Leo hopped on the back of the bike, and winked, “Deal. Casanova. Only the best for my handsome cyclist.”  


And the two boys cycled to their first high school dance as couple, ribbons whipping behind them and the sound of laughter decorating the air around them.  


**  


Stein was in the kitchen, hunched over and scrutinizing the contents in Joe’s fridge.  


“You need to make more food. Your fridge is nearly empty and I am hungry,” Stein commented grumpily finally taking out leftover Chinese fried rice.  


Joe scoffed and pointed at himself scandalized, “I need to make more food?” Then he pointed at Stein before leaning on the counters, elbows supporting him as he browsed through the pictures they had just taken, a grin on his face. “Why don’t YOU make more food?” He added absently.  


Stein decided that he wanted to make some vegetables to go with the rice, and sighed lazily. He went back into the fridge and found broccoli and carrots. He shrugged, it would do.  


He turned around and gave Joe a look, even though Joe was still preoccupied with photos.  


“This is not how you treat a guest, you know.”  


Joe actually laughed, “You haven’t been a guest for a long time Stein. You lost all remaining guest privileges when you puked all over my carpet.” Joe said, nose scrunching at the memory.  


“What about my boyfriend privileges babe?” Stein perked up after a few moments of silence.  


Joe’s heart fluttered and he finally looked up, blinking rapidly. It was like a combo attack on his heart, Stein had never called himself his boyfriend out loud. Maybe because like him, he still couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that they were both dating, it felt like someone else’s dream. And they had not yet used any endearing terms when referring to each other. Joe found that he liked it, babe…the word echoed nicely in his mind.  


A soft smile materialized on Joe’s face and he put his phone down. Stein blushed confused by the tender expression on Joe’s face. When Joe’s noticed Stein’s light blush, he groaned and ran a hand over his face in exasperation.  


“You are so fucking gorgeous,” Joe confessed behind his hands, feeling attacked.  


Stein spluttered, nearly cutting off his fingers as he chopped up carrots. He stared at Joe with an open expression of embarrassment. Then he coughed and shook his head, and went back to his carrots, “you are so embarrassing sometimes I swear,” Stein finally mumbled, afraid that he might spontaneously combust.  
Joe chortled and his hands slid from his face, “No I am not. I am cool, cold and dangerous. Say that I am a cold mofo.” Joe paused then added feeling a little embarrassed, “Call me a cold gangsta babe.”  


Stein didn’t look up, but Joe saw the small smile curve his mouth. Stein shook his head, and although he tried to keep a cool demeanor his voice came out uneven, “No. just come help me with the broccoli.”  


Joe smirked and remained quiet. Stein looked up wondering why he was quiet. He met Joe’s eyes and Joe got up and walked towards Stein, his eyes were twinkling. Stein watched him warily, and smiled when Joe stood behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him close to his chest.  


“Are you magically going to prepare the broccoli from behind me?” Stein asked teasingly, enjoying the closeness.  


Joe chuckled and nestled his head into Stein’s hair, breathing in his familiar shampoo. He felt Stein shiver slightly, and he hummed contentedly.  


Stein turned his attention back to his task, “fine. But you aren’t eating any of the food.”  


Joe made a displeased noise but remained in his position. His chest pressed comfortably on Stein’s back.  


“You should move in with me,” Joe murmured without thinking about it.  


Stein stilled, feeling the frantic heartbeat of his boyfriend’s heart on his back. Before he could say anything Joe rushed on nervously, “I mean if you want to. It seems a little rushed but I like having you around, and Iris likes having you around. And it would be easier. And…” Joe trailed off, his brain running out of steam.  


Stein placed his knife down, and bit back a smile before turning around.  


Joe looked at him anxiously, and Stein placed an innocent kiss on his lips, and smiled, “that would be great. But are you sure?”  


Joe blinked surprised at the unguarded simplicity of Stein’s response. And it hit him like it usually did at least once a day that Stein was his. He nodded wordlessly, he was more than sure. The thought of waking up next to Stein filled his heart with ache that he could barely contain. When it came to Stein, Joe never felt like he was close enough to him, which was ridiculous because Stein was constantly around him, more so now that they were dating. But still, his need for Stein was like an endless pit, he didn’t know where it began or ended.  


He didn’t say all that, but he leaned in and kissed Stein’s forehead tenderly, then drew back to look into his soft eyes. He breathed in roughly, feeling silly. Had it been like this before? This colossal sensation that consumed him.  


“I love you,” Joe mumbled like it was a prayer.  


He smiled when he saw Stein’s eyes grow wide, and almost swooned in happiness when Stein broke into a beatific smile.  


He reached up and caressed Stein’s face, not sure how to show him how much he cared. He tried to voice it out.  


“I have always loved you. I mean you are my best friend, so of course I love you. But to also be in love with you, it’s the best feeling in the world. And no matter what happens in the future, I will never regret it.”  


To say that Stein was speechless was an understatement. To say that he was overwhelmed would have been an oversimplification of his current state. He literally trembled, and couldn’t open his mouth to reciprocate. His mind kept stuttering. So he just wrapped his arms around Joe and steadied himself.  


He waited for a good few minutes before he could say anything. He swallowed, and didn’t look at Joe, “I love you too…” Then he realized that it was all he was capable of saying at the moment.  


Joe chuckled and leaned backwards to look at Stein’s flushed face, “you sure about that?”  


Stein huffed, a warm bubble of joy enveloping him.  


“I am electron positive.”  


Joe groaned and rolled his eyes, “oh wow. And that’s how you kill a mood. Good job.” He started to move away from Stein, but Stein clung to him, and placed a light kiss right below his jaw. Joe fought back a grin, and scowled, “don’t kiss me after that horrific pun.”  


He felt Stein’s smile on his jaw, “well I thought it was very puny.”  


Joe shook his head, finally giving in and grinning, “Idiot,” he said adoringly and grabbed Stein’s face and brought his lips to his. Stein gasped at the contact and snaked his hands up, tightening his arms around Joe’s neck. Joe pressed into his mouth, and Stein opened his mouth obligingly, nearly buckling as he felt their tongue slide against each other.  


Stein moved closer deepening their kiss. When Joe parted from him to take in a breath, their lips unlocked with an obscenely wet sound that sent shivers down Stein’s spine. As Joe tried to catch his breath, Stein dropped kisses on his cheek, neck and shoulder. Joe gave him a dazed smile and opened his mouth to say something, but Stein swallowed whatever it was with another kiss, and thrust forward inciting a groan from Joe. The groan vibrated and Stein felt it swim all over his body.  


When Joe retracted himself from Stein again, Stein made an embarrassingly loud whiny sound, his mouth trying to chase after Joe’s. But it was futile, Joe had his hands on Stein’s shoulder holding him in place. They were both breathing heavily, the temperature around them hot and electrifying.  


Joe gave Stein a look over and felt his cock twitch in need. Stein was practically leaning into him, his eyes were hooded, his face was flushed, his apron was skewed, and as a bonus, his hair was all over the place. He looked sexy. Joe gulped and dipped his head and suckled on Stein’s neck. Stein craned his neck to give him better access, moaning in pleasure.  


Joe smiled, “you sound delicious.”  


Stein’s breath hitched and he pressed himself against Joe trying to get some friction; they both groaned in sync, and Joe’s hands made their way underneath Stein’s shirt feeling his taut stomach muscles. Stein bit his lips, the bulge in his pants growing and pushed Joe away gently, so he could look at him, “bedroom?” he asked breathless tentatively, trying to hide the raw need in his voice.  


Despite the dark look in Joe’s eyes, Stein saw him hesitate and tense up. Joe bit his lips and Stein found himself keenly observing the motion. He forced his eyes back to Joe’s but he found that Joe was looking upward nervously.  


“I don’t know I am ready for…” Joe paused, and exhaled looking embarrassed, “I have never been with a man, so I don’t even know,” Joe halted again looking increasingly humiliated, “I mean I tried to watch porn, but I don’t know if I am ready for sex…not yet,” he finally concluded looking guiltily at Stein.  


Stein wanted to ravage him, and the thought of Joe’s naked body pressed against him, his legs wrapped around his waist, moaning as each thrust took them closer and closer-  


Stein blinked gasping and tried to regain some control for the sake of Joe who was getting tenser by the second misinterpreting Stein’s silence and intense gaze.  
“I don’t mean like that. I am in no rush either. I haven’t been with a guy in a long time. I just meant that I wanted to feel more of you, maybe lose some clothes. And the kitchen is not the most ideal place,” Stein said shyly.  


Joe started to smile, looking more relaxed, “what about your food?”  


Stein chuckled and feeling bold, and very horny, squeezed Joe’s ass, and leaned in nibbling on Joe’s earlobe, “I want you.” Joe shivered and feeling encouraged, Stein continuing dropping his voice, “and there are other things we could do, really slow, with our hands, our mouths, sex means many different thi-,” Stein was thankfully interrupted by Joe’s growl. Which was good because he was close to coming in his jeans. He just kept picturing Joe’s generous mouth all over his body.  


“Bedroom.” Joe demanded voice hoarse. Stein smiled, and threw off his apron grabbing Joe’s trembling hand.  


**  


A few minutes later, the noises that were coming out Joe’s room sounded like something from a well-made porn film.  


As confidence built, and their clothes finally came off, the noises turned into words and chuckles. As Joe’s mouth wandered up Stein’s chest, slowly licking his nipples, and Stein’s hand slid far too close to Joe’s erect cock, some very filthy things were said that would have caused the Holy Pope to question his celibacy.  
“Oh god,” Stein whispered as Joe started stroking him, muttering his name. Joe didn’t really have any words as he thrust into Stein’s fist, he just wordlessly rode off into the blurry haze of pleasure.  


When they finally landed back on earth, Joe placed a gentle kiss on Stein’s cheek, and Stein actually started to cry. Joe kissed away the salty tears reminding Stein that he loved him, over and over again until Stein sighed in happiness and fell asleep.  


**  


That night Joe had a dream that he would remember for the rest of his life.  


He was a child again, head plopped on his favorite Spiderman pillow. The mattress on his bed dipped, groaning at the weight of his father.  


He looked up at his father trying to contain his excitement. His dad laughed, “After this. Straight to bed.”  


Young Joe nodded eagerly, and sat up on his bed, his brown eyes wide with excitement.  


Then he listened attentively as his father told him his favorite story, about the boy who collected string to reach the moon. He pictured himself as the young boy, and felt unexpectedly sad.  


Suddenly, his father stopped, and Joe blinked his eyes open in surprise. His father’s face started to twist, and Joe was horrified when he saw tears start to collect in the corners of his father’s eyes. But his father was grinning happily, “don’t be sad son. I don’t think the boy will need to look for strings much longer.”  


Joe eyes were wide with wonder then he shook his head sadly, “I think I lost my string.”  


His father smiled at Joe and shook his head, “No, you just kept it safe somewhere, until you needed it.”  


Suddenly, his bedroom door opened and a girl around his age skipped into the room, bursting with energy. She had two missing front teeth, with short hair, white shorts that were far too dirty, and a long t-shirt with the words, ‘whenever, wherever.’ Her face was brown, round and familiar. She didn’t seem shy, because she was on Joe’s bed before he could say anything, giving him a curious look. Joe frowned at her, “your shorts are dirty, get off my bed.”  


The girl giggled, bouncing on his mattress, “I am not dirty. I am Francine. But my friends call me Fran.”  


Joe looked at her suspiciously, then at his father, “tell her to get off my bed dad.”  


His father watched them amused and just shrugged, “I can’t force her off your bed. Just ask nicely son.”  


Fran grinned at him, the gap in her mouth making her look silly, Joe found himself grinning back.  


Then they heard his mom’s voice calling from downstairs, “okay guys, it’s time to go to bed.”  


Joe wanted to complain, but he knew how his mother got whenever he stayed up too late with his father.  


His father threw him an apologetic smile, “time for bed. More stories tomorrow.” Fran was suddenly very close to his face, Joe stared at her confused, and then she broke into another toothless grin and gave him a swift peck on his cheek.  


Joe gaped at her, touching his cheek in disbelief. He heard his father laugh, “come now Fran. You will see him again.”  


Fran seemed reluctant, but then rolled her eyes, her big grin not wavering, “fineeeee!” She jumped off the bed and stood by Joe’s bedside next his father.  


Joe felt his eyes start to close, he tried fighting off the drowsiness but it proved impossible. He brought his blankets right up to his mouth like he usually did.  


“Good night,” his father whispered, placing a warm kiss on his forehead.  
The world faded into darkness, and he started to panic. He opened his mouth to tell them not to go but he couldn’t say anything. He tried to shout but felt his eyelids close.  


“Don’t worry Joe, I left you a small gift, you will be fine.” Joe heard the voice of young Fran yell out brightly. And he immediately knew who remembered who Fran was.  
He woke up, a silent name on his lips. He felt disoriented and looked around in confusion. But then he felt a body that was pressed on his chest shift, a little startled snore drifting from it. He blinked, then smiled pulilng Stein closer to his chest, and he almost laughed when he heard him actually purr in content. Stein burrowed his face in Joe’s neck, tangling their feet together.  


He was home.  


He started to fade back to sleep, but realized that his hand was clenching something. Curious, he brought his hand to his face, careful not to disturb Stein.  


He opened his hand and gasped.  


It was a string.  


“Thank you,” he whispered, before fading back to sleep.  


**  


When Joe woke up in the morning, Stein practically laying on top of him, Joe opened his hand expecting to see a string, but it wasn’t there. But as he looked at Stein, baked and surrounded in the soft light of morning, he figured that he had had it all along.


End file.
